Chapter five - Storm

It was one of those days, when no one dared to go out to the streets. Not to work, to meet friends, to buy groceries... Everybody stayed at home.

Who in their right mind would go out in the middle of a storm?

Lightnings illuminated the darkened night, followed quickly by thunders. Water was not raining from the clouds anymore, that initial phase ended the previous day, when it could still be called "rain". Now it was like the whole city was under one gigantic waterfall. The storm was announced four days ago, so every mammal had enough time to prepare for three days of staying at home.

No one was worried about the storm, it wouldn't be the first one hitting Zootopia. Every grocery store in the city was prepared to meet the demands of the citizens, who got in, bought what they needed and left without any disturbance... Aside for the occasional kid separating from their parents in the crowd.

Houses where made sturdy, even the cheapest ones, foundations build to withstand this kind of things. The sewers would ensure that floods would never occur in the streets. Emergency refuges where made just in case, but it was just a precaution. Everyone felt save and secure.

Still, there were some places that had to be open and functioning even it that condition, or maybe because of it: hospitals, firefighters and, of course, police. Even with all the measures to provide safety during this kind of storms, something might happen: A power down, flooding inside houses, accidents... So a lot of professional individuals had to go to their posts in case anything happened and they had to intervene.

Except for Judy Hopps.

She hadn't gone to the station since the storm began. Chief Bogo had decided that it wasn't necessary to get every officer to do their shifts as usual, since even crime had to at least slow down during the storm. With only the essential personnel, making twelve hour shifts each, it would be enough to cover all necessities. And in case more people were needed, they would be called immediately to assist. That meant that each officer only had to attend to work once for the duration of the storm and stay in their own houses the rest of the time, as long as their phones were at paw.

The bunny, on the other hand, being a small mammal, was ordered off duty until the storm subsided. The reason Chief Bogo had given for that decision was that, in the event an emergency occurred, she wouldn't be able to help as much as the other officers. She understood. She had pr oven herself time and time again, starting in the academy training grounds, but even her had limits, and rains like this one was one of them. She couldn't run as fast because her feet would slip, and she wasn't strong enough if there was need for an emergency rescue.

That left her with too much time to deal with what was going on inside her. At work she just had to push her problems in and do whatever she had to, like pursue thieves, attend civilians in various needs, do paperwork... Whatever. It kept her occupied. She even got the rest of the officers there to relax around her again, since she wasn't behaving like a bomb about to explode anymore.

There, in her home, she didn't have that, that barrier that allowed her to live through the day without thinking anything besides work. Much like the weather outside her window, the bunny had a storm raging inside her but, unlike Zootopia, she didn't have any of the measures to keep her safe.

Two weeks had passed since she saw Nick kissing that vixen, and that image was embedded in her brain. The way they looked at each other, with complicity, a certain shyness, then the kiss, soft but long enough to know they had been seeing each other enough time.

She stared at them for a moment, before turning away, back to the car and told Grizzoli to drive her home. He didn't say anything, not even when they arrived to the front of her building and she got out. And during work the next days he never mentioned it either.

What would he say, anyway? The kind wolf already had helped her when she didn't deserve it. And he still did, trying to lift her mood a little very now and then with small jokes, telling her some gossips among other things. She appreciated that from him, even managed to make her smile a few times; but every time he did that, it painfully reminded her of Nick, of how she enjoyed his jokes and mannerisms.

What was so excruciating of that kiss? Why did that affect her so much? Of course she had feelings for Nick, and it hurt that he was with another woman, but why she felt so betrayed?

The more she though about it, the less sense it had. She had to remind herself that he had been single this whole time, they haven't been together, so he could be with whomever he wanted. That didn't help alleviate her aching heart at all. On the contrary, she felt worse, making her cry so much it hurt.

The bunny had plenty of opportunities to confess her feeling to Nick, but she just let time pass by, happy with simply staying beside him, taking him for granted. Every opportunity Judy had to make one step forward in their relationship was wasted. Maybe he didn't love her back, but, at least, she would know. And if he did, everything would have been different.

Now, it was over. Their time together had ended because of her hesitation, because she didn't want things to change, afraid that something could go wrong, that SHE would do something wrong. Her head had been full with "what if", that now seemed completely moot.

Thunders outside the windows seemed to agree with her, partaking in her internal turmoil. She hugged her legs and hid her face, sitting in the couch he had shared so many times with the fox, watching movies while eating take-out food, planning the trip to Bunnyburrow and the places she wanted to show him, helping Nick study for the final exams, tickling each other playfully after one of the fox's jokes or simply relaxing reading a book.

Now, it was a silent piece of furniture that Judy barely filled, alone in an apartment that had never seen one without the other: either he crashed on the couch after a long day or she was at his place. Even the bedroom projected beautiful memories of them as she finished recovering from her first time getting shot there, and Nick would let her do a single thing alone. He would cook for her, help her get dressed, tell her the last gossips on the precinct when he finished his shift. The bunny's favorite memory was the time the heat broke and they resorted to sleep together in her bed. Naturally, nothing had happened, but Judy was so nervous she couldn't sleep all night. But at least she had Nick with her, she allowed herself to stare at him while he slept and even used his fluffy tail as blanket.

All that was gone, leaving a void that she didn't know how to fill again. She wished he hadn't left through that hospital door.

He left through that door.

HE left!

She realized what the problem was, why it hurt so much. He had promised her he'd be with her. He did, on the hospital, in one of the times she woke up. Nick was supposed to be with her,he promised. And yet, he had left, because that dammed fox wanted to protect her and the only stupid way he though about to do so was leaving her.

• Dumb fox.

...

• According to the meteorologist, the storm will get to it's peak in about one hour, and will start it's descent in the early hours of tomorrow. It is advised to stay at home until it has subsided completely.

Nick smiled as he heard the radio in his car announce this Doomsday Storm, as some at work had started to call it, was still becoming stronger. He had just finished his emergency shift and was on his way home, tired of those boring 12 hours of doing paperwork. Since the Meadowlands district had less inhabitants than others and was more dedicated to agriculture and rural vacation, there weren't many thing to be worried about. If anything, some crops would be partially lost, but the city can compensate those loses. So, seeing as accidents were not a concern around, he was asked to assist catching up with the bureaucracy of the department.

He was planing on doing nothing more than read a book on the couch and watch TV all day. There wasn't anything else to do with that storm over their heads, it's not like he could hang out with the others at their usual pub.

Turning right, he got into his street. Or at least he though so, barely able to see much with so much rain hitting the front windshield of the car. A bump on the asphalt, however, confirmed he was almost home.

• I must remember commenting about that so it gets fixed, I'm tired of bumping over it every time.

Locating his house, he drove in slowly and parked the car. He was getting ready to start running to the door when he saw someone in front of it. The wipers were off, so he couldn't see anything more than a silhouette. He got out of the car and froze there, surprised beyond believe. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of someone he never expected to see there.

Soaking wet from heat to toe, dressed with a purple flannel shirt and grey jeans and shivering was Judy, looking at him like she herself didn't understand why she was there.

• What the hell are you doing here, Judy? Are you nuts? Were are in the middle of a storm!- He asked while coming closer to her.

The bunny didn't reply, she just kept staring at him.

• Okay, let's leave questions for later. Come on in, I'll give you a towel.

He opened the door and pushed her inside before going himself further in and into a bathroom, grabbed two towels and going back to her.

• Goodness, Judy, you are cold as ice! How long have you been outside? You are going to get sick.- He said covering her in one towel and rubbing her head, arms and legs with the other.- Crap, this won't do. You better take a hot shower. There is the bathroom, i'll look for something you can...

• Why?

The fox stopped dead and looked directly to her, finding her gaze equally directed towards him.- Because you need to get warm again or you will...

• Why?- She asked, louder are firmly this time.

He averted her eyes, those deep amethyst oceans that seemed capable of reading his soul if he didn't.

• I'll take you home, we still have enough time. We shouldn't go out, but you shouldn't be here anyway.- He said, standing up and walking for the door, just before he felt Judy taking his hand and pulling him back.

• In the hospital... You promised you would be there with me. Why did you leave, then?

• Judy...

• Answer me. Please.

For what felt like an eternity, Judy didn't even hear him breath, only the rain and thunders were confirming that time had not stop. He sighed, defeated.

• The first time you got shot, I was very shaken up. Chief Bogo found me hiding in a corner of the crime scene, shortly after they took you to the hospital. I've been living in the streets for many years, I've seen guns fire in every direction, but not a single time I got shot, nor any of my colleges. For me, dodging bullets was just part of a day's work. And suddenly, my most important... friend gets shot in front of me. I just froze looking at you, with my paws pressing on the wound, your blood on my hands, your face full of pain...

Nick leaned against the door, facing his friend, though his eyes didn't.- Bogo saw how broken I was and said something to me: "every cop worthy of that title gets shot at least once in the line of duty, they heal and they go back to the job. How changed they come back, that is the work of their partners. Your job. She will live through this, Hopps is more resilient than many can imagine; but you must stay with her so she comes back exactly as she was before she got shot. Anything less than that it's on you."

Judy listened carefully, making a mental note of thanking her boss. Discreetly, of course. He wasn't know for sharing those kinds of moments very often, and he made an exception for Nick.

• When the doctors finished patching you up and let me go in to see you, I understood what he meant by that. You looked very frail, your eyes didn't have any glow... You looked ready to give up and return with your parents, abandon your dream for good. So I sucked my feelings up and smiled for you, made jokes on you, acted offended when you said something to me, got you mad at me... Anything to see you recover who you were, hear you laugh, yell, threaten me, see your eyes alive again. I don't know if I did a good job, but first day back at work I almost though nothing had happened to you, the last few weeks hadn't existed. But they did, and I didn't want to see you defeated like that again. It hurt me way more than seeing you bleeding on the floor.I promised myself I'd do whatever was needed to help you, to never allow you to be like that again. And so I did. Everywhere you went, I went too; every plan you came up with, I backed you up; every dangerous situation, I was at your side. I pushed myself to the limit so you wouldn't have to slow down, to keep doing what you love most: to make the world a better place.

The fox rubbed his eyes with his hands for a moment and tried to breath slower, as he had started to get more emotional than he wished for.

• That day when we got those fugitives in the storehouse, I knew we should have waited. I acted like it was ok, I took most of the blame when Bogo reprimanded us like he was wrong, but deep inside I knew we shouldn't have gone in. They were four armed criminals, bigger than us, against us two. We SHOULD have waited. But I followed you, because I didn't want you to slow down and think that was beyond us. I didn't want to see disappointment in your face, not when we had done worst things and without a scratch. Then, you got kidnapped, beaten up and shot, again. No, it was worse. I expected to find you hurt, some cuts, broken bones, a gun shot wound... But not ALL at the same time. It was like the first time all over again, only able to press on the bleeding wound and pray you lived. You almost didn't make it, you died in my hands, Judy. Your wounds almost take your life. And I can't thank enough it didn't happen. You lived, you began to wake up, and I prepared myself to help you through it again. Only this time, all that I did to that point seemed to pay me back. You woke up and I still could see light in you. You laughed, you joked, you cried... You were truly alive. I was happy you weren't lost again. But...

His voice cracked. He stood up and again turned to the door, facing away from the bunny, who came closer and put a hand on his arm. She knew to tell her all this was very hard for him. He never let others see that they got to him, he always had a mask, a fake smirk, in from of everyone. With her, he relaxed, he allowed her to see a bit of the real Nicholas Wilde. At this moment, his mask was breaking and he didn't like it.

After a couple of minutes, he managed to control himself enough to finish.

• It was my fault that you got hurt again, Judy. I should have stopped you. I should have been a real partner and keep you safe instead of wishing for a good ending. I should have been a good friend and forced you to stay put and wait for backup instead of letting you risk your life. The problem was me! They went after us because we caught those guys, and they wanted to teach the ZPD a lesson by starting with you. I caused your injuries. I can't be with you knowing that, you need someone who protects you, who makes you see the whole picture and act accordingly, that takes you away from excessive danger!. I couldn't do that, I preferred to see you smile, happy to be a cop and save the city on a daily basis! So I asked for a transfer, so you were assigned another partner that would do what I can't. I left my apartment so you could start again, without me reminding you all th-

He was cut mid-sentence by and angry bunny shoving him against the door and slapping hard on the face. After the initial seconds of surprise, he looked down at her, who was glaring him furiously, shaking again, only this time with fury.

• You left me in a hospital bed, begging you to come back, to talk to me, left me thinking that I had done something so awful that I drove you away AGAIN... because you wanted to protect me? Because you couldn't stand making me sad if you stopped me from being reckless? Is THAT your frigging excuse?

• YES, IT IS!- Replied him, growing just as angry as she looked, but he didn't expect a series of punches from her friend, landing everywhere in his body. They didn't have full strength, but still hurt.

• YOU BRAINLESS, STUPID, IDIOTIC AND SPINELESS JERK! You know the kind of emotional hell I've been through? Do you know why I did all those dangerous things? I TRUSTED YOU WITH MY LIFE, YOU DUMB FOX!

Judy was raging red. Nick had never seen her like that, not even when he overdid it with his pranks. Even if she had stopped hitting him, he dared not to lower his guard.

• Everything, every plan, hustle or stunt that we did I did it because YOU were around. I know you and you know me, or at least that is what I thought. You understood me, you knew your part in everything we did, we adapted to anything we faced because we trusted each other. I can't pull any of those thing with any other! Even if I took the time to explain things, they wouldn't trust me the same way you did, nor I them. This was possible because it was US. You SHOULD have told me to wait, but not because you now know I got shot, but I trusted you in keeping me on my feet, the same way I did you. That is what partner are for!

• You needed to feel yourself like nothing happened to be yourself!

• But it did happen! I got shot! Yes, I was shattered, crushed under the reality of it, but you help me regain myself. YOU, you frigging...!- She attempted another punch, only to be blocked.- You were with me the whole time, that is what I needed, to have someone that understood me by my side. It's because you were there that I still was me! You are my partner! Talk to me, I am here! I am a bunny, I have two big ears, for crying out loud! I will listen even if I don't want to! Just don't leave me. I can't be me without you.

Faster than he could blink, she filled the space between them and hugged the fox, feeling both complete for the first time in many months. He hugged back, enjoying the warmth of her petite body and the softness of her fur. They just stayed there, comforting each other, trying to make up for the time lost. They both allowed tears to fall, happy to be friends again.

• Will you please come back? Now this is over, I mean.- She asked looking up to him, hoping for an affirmative answer.

But he gently pushed her a way, not looking at her in the eyes, and began walking inside the house.

• No, Judy, I will not. Even if you actually can forgive me for this, I can't forgive myself. I almost got you killed.

• But that was a mistake! Partners make them and then they forgive each other and laugh about it!

• This is not me misplacing your belt, Judy. I-ALMOST-GOT-YOU-KILLED!- Answered him back from the other end of the hallway.

• I know, Nick, and I still forgive you. You didn't mean for that to happen!

• It's not enough. I'm sorry.- He said, softly, walking inside the room and out of sight. But the bunny would not let things like that, so she followed the fox into the room, which happened to be the living room.

• What the hell is wrong, Nick? Is it not enough? Is there anything more I should know about? Another stupid reason for not coming back home?

• You might say that.

• Well then, what is it?

• I can't tell. I won't tell. Just... Just leave, please.

He repented saying that the moment the words came out of his mouth, but it was done. He didn't like to hurt her more than he already had, but it was for the best.

• Nicholas Phibeus Wilde, you did NOT just said that. You don't get to kick me out like this! Turn around this instant and talk to me.

• Please, go away.

• Is it SO embarrassing, so hideous, that you can't tell ME?

• Go away, Judy!

• You already told me the whole story of why you blame for this. You have been a dumb idiot, fine. What can be worse than that? Did you accidentally leave a paper around with my measures so they could get the right bag to kidnap me? Is that it? That's the reason you can't even look at me, why you don't call me Carrots anymore? You always called me that, it's your favorite nickname for me, and you haven't called me that since the hospital.

• STOP!

• Wait, that can't be. Maybe it was all the donuts you ate that day, you had stomachache that made you weaker and couldn't save me in time?

• I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU!

Lightning, followed by a very potent thunder, illuminated the still unlit interior of the living room through the window.

Silence fell between them after that. Judy was shocked, she didn't expect that at all. He had always made jokes somewhat intimate, some more than others, but they where jokes. Was he serious now?

• Nick, what...

• I've been in love with you for quite some time, but I just didn't know what to do, or if this was real or other thing. I couldn't tell you, I didn't know how you would react. So I kept it for myself until I figured it out. And I did, when you got shot the first time. I understood what I felt. But I couldn't tell you yet, you were still recovering. Then I was just so happy to have you back that I couldn't bring myself to it. I didn't want that happiness to change. But the second time... You DIED in my hands, Judy! Your life slipped away in front of me! And it was my fault! All those hours, days, watching over you in the hospital, not knowing if you would survive... I was losing my mind!

Sobbing a little, he turned to face her. Her expression was indecipherable, she was just looking at him.

• It doesn't matter if you forgive me for almost killing you. I simply can't be your partner anymore. I wouldn't let you do anything because I am afraid of losing you now. If it depended on me, you would be doing paperwork forever. But I know that would be just like actually killing you. You are a cop, you love your job. I can't do anything about that. So, it's better if I am simply away. If I am not there, just as you said, you won't do so many stunts anymore. You will be safe. And if anything happened, I... I...

He couldn't finish. That last part had been in his mind for the past five months, since he came live here. He hadn't paid any attention to it since, for him, Judy would be safe without him. But now that his love for her was in the open, what would happen if something happened to her? Would he be so selfish as to not care since he wasn't with her? Or would he be as torn apart as he was in the hospital beside her?

Judy walked, slowly, towards him, but Nick was so absorbed in his own thoughts that he didn't noticed until she hugged him again.

• Definitely, you are one dumb fox.

He looked at her, confused. What did she mean by that? She looked up, her amethyst eyes glittering with tears, her face blushing so much he could tell even in the semi-darkness. She smiled and lifted one paw to caress his cheek.

Then he understood and also blushed. Could it be true? Did she really shared his feeling? She never said anything, not a single word.

• Since when?- He asked, completely befuddled.

• Since that night in the sky tram, after you stood up for me in front of Chief Bogo, I guess. It was definitely not love at first.- Se added with a playful smile at him, who smiled back.- But I don't remember a moment after that I didn't want you around.

She closed her eyes and tip-toed to get closer to his face, he leaned forward, both their hearts holding a beat... until he stopped and gently pushed back.

• Sorry, I can't.- He said, this time looking onto her confused eyes.- I... I am with someone now.

She stepped back, her eyes about to let more tears to escape. She had forgotten.

• That vixen, right?

Nick's surprise about her knowing the existence of Janette didn't last much. Somehow, she knew his address, why not that too?

• Yeah, her.

Every hope of getting him back, in any way possible, had just been crushed to dust. He would not leave that vixen for her, that she knew very well. There was nothing else she could do.

• Then I wish you well, Nick. I am very glad I met you.- She manage to form a smile on her face, an obviously hurt one, but a smile none the less.- Thank you for everything.- And she left for the door, opened it and walked into the rain. She wasn't minding the storm at all. She would just walk home, just as she had on the way there. If he reened cover at some point, she would manage somehow. She just could not stay any more with him. It was too painful to know they would never be together again, even as friends.

A hand placed itself on her right shoulder, stopping her. Looking back she found Nick, becoming as wet as she was. A few seconds passed without any word from him, until he finally spoke.- There is a guest room, you can use it to wait for the storm to clear out.

She hesitated, but just until her heart pounded again. She nodded and followed Nick insid.