"Grow a Pair"

Story by AdamantZoroark on SoFurry

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So, a little backstory: I recently found a lump on my right testicle and, naturally, freaked out because my instincts tell me "lump = cancer." Luckily, it was not cancer, but after that experience, I got an idea for a new character: Kyle, a Zoroark who is a testicular cancer survivor. Yiska tries to help him cope with some resulting body image concerns.


Kyle wasn't substantially different from other Zoroarks; from a cursory appearance, the only differences one would see would be that he had a green and black mane rather than a red and black one, and also had red eyes and a red ponytail holder. However, he had a secret. One he would rather no one know, but sometimes he felt like he would just have to tell everyone.

Kyle got in his car to head towards his friend's apartment to do some studying. On the radio, he heard some joke a comedian was making about testicles and immediately changed the station. He just couldn't take those jokes; he knew he shouldn't let them get to him, and yet they did.

Kyle arrived at the apartment complex, then buzzed in for his friend.

"Yiska, it's Kyle."

The door to the apartment complex opened and out came an inverted-color Absol.

"Ah, I was wondering when you'd get here, Kyle. Pat's away for now. Come on up."

As Yiska and Kyle were walking up the stairs, Yiska noticed Kyle seemed even more melancholic than usual. He knew Kyle would suddenly have low points, but he thought this one seemed particularly low.

"Are you okay, Kyle?"

"... Yeah, I'm fine."

"Well, okay... We're at my floor now."

Yiska led Kyle to the apartment and let him in.

"Okay, I have the math textbook opened to the chapter we're on already. Want anything to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Are you sure? You always say that when you're feeling down, then you don't eat for days. You should probably eat something."

"I guess..."

"Well, I have a pizza in the oven that's almost done."

"It's not pepperoni, is it? You know I'm Jewish. No pork, no meat and cheese on the same thing."

"No, nothing of the sort on there."

"Okay... I guess I'll have some."

Yiska and Kyle sat at the table and started working on some math problems.

"Okay, so I know you were struggling with eigenvalues and eigenvectors," said Yiska. "To find eigenvalues, just set the determinant of matrix A minus lambda times the identity matrix to zero."

"Huh... Seems like I was making it harder than it actually is."

"Probably. Then, to get the corresponding eigenvectors, treat each column of the resulting matrix like a variable. Say, x1, x2, and x3."

"And then I just solve for each variable?"

"Exactly. So, with this one, we just set x1 equal to r, x2 equal to t, and then x3equals r+t. We write this as a linear combination of two column matrices."

"Huh... That wasn't as hard as I was thinking it was."

"Yeah, it's pretty easy."

The oven beeped, signaling that the pizza was done. While Yiska went to get the pizza out of the oven, the TV that was running, set to some sitcom about a few girls, had a scene where one of the characters said their boyfriend needed to "grow a pair." Immediately, Kyle turned the TV off.

"... What was that about?"

"It's nothing..."

"Clearly something about that put you off, otherwise you wouldn't have turned off the TV."

"I said it's fine."

"Clearly there's something you need to get off your chest. What is it?"

"... Alright. I'll spill it."

Kyle grabbed a couple of slices of pizza and sat back down at the table.

"When I was sixteen... I noticed lumps on both of my testicles. I went to the doctor, who said they were likely just cysts and I didn't have to worry. But... That diagnosis was incredibly inaccurate."

"So... You're saying..."

"Yes. It was cancer."

"Holy shit... Dude, I had no idea. I'm sorry for ever saying 'grow a pair' or anything like that..."

"It's fine... You've done nothing wrong. I shouldn't let it get to me... I should know it's a figure of speech and not meant literally."

"Well, everything is fine now, right?"

"In terms of not having cancer anymore, yes, but I don't think I ever really healed. After the removal, I was immediately put on hormones to replace the testosterone my testicles used to make, but..."

"Is it about the inability to have children? Appearance?"

"I fucking hate children, so I really couldn't care less about the infertility, but the appearance leaves much to be desired."

"Well, you can get prosthetics if aesthetics mean that much to you."

"Insurance won't cover them, and my family can't afford them. Or, at least, they say that, but I'm pretty sure they just don't want to pay. Besides, they removed my scrotum. Not like they could go anywhere."

"It can't look that bad. Sure, it would appear out of the ordinary, but it's not like it would be outright repulsive."

"It just looks weird..."

"Well, mind if I see?"

"Uhh... I... Guess that would be okay."

Kyle dropped his pants, revealing his considerably above-average sized penis. Where a guy would ordinarily have testicles hanging around, he just had fur. The only trace of a scrotum ever having been there was a scar where it used to be.

"Well, I mean, Pat for one would be more concerned with the fact that you're circumcised -"

"Please don't remind me of his foreskin fetish or whatever."

"But, I mean... It's not something I would describe as being ugly. If anything, just having an empty scrotum here would look weird."

"I guess."

"Still see no positives?"

Yiska lightly punched Kyle on the area that used to house his balls and scrotum.

"... I barely feel a thing."

"Exactly. Even a hit that light would cause extreme discomfort to me."

"Hey... That's a good point."

"And, plus, since you don't even like children to begin with, wouldn't infertility be a good thing?"

"Hey, yeah... I'll never have to worry about paying a dime in child support!"

"There we go!"

"But... I'm still concerned some girl... Or some guy... Will be put off by my appearance."

"Don't listen to them. Believe me, I should know a thing or two about bimbos."

Yiska dropped his pants, revealing his penis, which was much more modest in comparison to Kyle's.

"... You're uncircumcised?"

"Well, my preferred term is _intact,_but yes. I've been across a few bimbos. They just aren't the ones you should listen to."

"I guess..."

They both pulled their pants back up and sat back down at the table.

"Okay," said Yiska. "Back to studying. Gotta be ready for that midterm."