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There's a point in every kobold's life where they discover that things have gone horribly, horribly wrong. Usually, that point is uncomfortably close to when they stop being able to discover anything at all, and is usually just a few moments before an unpleasant 'squish', 'crunch', 'splat', and in one particularly memorable occasion, 'splort'. Kilik had reached that point in her life, but unlike her many (and late) predecessors, it appeared that horribly wrong could also get a lot worse.

They had bound her hands and feet, and tied her snout shut. Stupid adventurers. Stupid heroes. They had come down into the warren with steel flashing and spells flying, and what choice did kobolds have but to flee? Unfortunately for Kilik, kobolds in general didn't need to run fast to escape. They only had to run faster than the ones that got caught. Pik--damn his tail--had tripped her. Intentionally! She'd been one of the first out of the gathering hall, but Pik had pushed her, then she'd tripped over his tail, and then there'd been a stampede of panicked kobolds, and it was all she'd been able to do to shield her face as they scampered around her.

The_hero_who caught her had hoisted her up by one leg. She hadn't even been able to see his face--he'd been wearing a shiny steel helm. She had scowled and clawed at the metal, and he had laughed at her. And now she was hog tied like dinner, in the back of their lumpy cart. A mule was trotting ahead (the smell of it was making her mouth water) and aiming for every bump in the road. Thump! Ow. Thump! Ow. Kilik swore to herself. If she ever got free, she was going to eat that mule.

She smelled the adventurers close by. There was a wolf, and fox. There was a cat, too, though she couldn't tell what type. She smelled other kobolds, too.

"Hisst! Who there? Alive? Awake?" Kilik hissed under her breath.

There was a scrabble of claws and a thump. Something--or someone--bumped against her side. "Is Dak. Kilik, that you?"

"Shush! Maybe they hear. Quiet, quiet, got plan."

Dak went silent, but another voice piped up. "Tibbit tied! Tibbit can't move! Scared."

Kilik gulped. Tibbit was barely older than a hatchling. Stupid adventurers. Evil heroes. Take kobolds away from their lair, steal hatchlings and mothers. She had a plan, alright, but it would take time. It would take cunning. Luckily, Kilik had both.

The cart trundled down the path, bumping and rocking in the ruts. Now that she was aware and conscious, she could see the adventurers. There was a tiger, orange and striped and intimidating, riding an armored horse. There was a fox, in robes and with a silly hat that sat high on his ears. There must have been others, too, but she couldn't roll over--not without risking her plan.

"Dak. Take head and put it near Kilik tail." She heard an intake of breath and the start of a complaint. "Dak! Don't act like goblin-stupid. Loose nail near Kilik tail. Need you to bite and pull."

"But might hurt teeth! Bumpy ride not good for chewing metal."

"Then you make pretty kobold-skin rug!"

Dak grumbled, but moments later his snout pushed her tail out of the way. There was a bump of the cart, a muffled complaint, then something metallic fell against her tail. She smiled. The plan was begun.

It was nightfall when the adventurers finally stopped the cart. Kilik, Dak, and Tibbit watched while the mule was tethered, fed, and watered, and the horses were tied near a grassy copse. A tent was assembled quickly and efficiently, and a stone ring assembled for a fire. The adventurers yammered to each other in their alien common tongue, ignoring the bound kobolds entirely. It was just after rations were broken out and the adventurers sat around the fire that the ambush struck.

A stone sailed from the brushes and knocked the tiger onto his back. The fox was on his--or her--feet immediately. Kilik couldn't tell what gender the fox was. They all looked the same to her. The fox lifted its hands, a wand in three crooked fingers. "Ah'ko'ta-" The magic incantation stopped halfway through as a scaly green shape launched itself from the bushes and bowled into the fox's chest. It was Pik! That devious, horrible, clumsy bastard had come to save them! Pik had a club, heavy and unweildy in his hands, and lifted it above the stunned fox.

The blow never fell. A hissing like a horde of angry bees cut through the air, and bolas wrapped themselves around Pik's arms. Two seconds later, another caught his legs and toppled him from the fox's chest. The third adventurer--the wolf that had until now stayed hidden--dropped from a low branch. He shouted something to the fox, and laughed. The fox stood and brushed themselves off, then aimed a kick at Pik. The kobold flinched and tried to roll away, but the entangling cords held him tight. The wolf pinned Pik's arms, replacing the bola with braided twine. Then while the tiger slowly recovered from the head wound, the wolf lifted Pik bodily and deposited him next to the rest of the captives.

"Stupid Pik. Useless."

Kilik heard a grumble. "Pik come to save lovely Kilik."

"Not to call Kilik lovely. Stupid Pik not worthy to be egg-father. Pik tripped Kilik, made her get caught in the first place!"

He was silent, and she saw his tail curl in embarrassment.

"That your plan? Throw rock at tiger, then get caught by wolf?"

"Not exactly as planned."

"Kilik noticed."

They were silent as the adventurers cleaned up the fire ring, then with their new acquisition safely bound, they turned their attention to thoroughly ignoring the kobolds again.

"Have any other plan, Pik?"

"Um." Pik averted his eyes.

"That means no." Kilik sighed. "Then leave it to Kilik. As always."

Kilik moved slowly, as not to draw attention. She'd passed the nail up to her hands with her tail, and dug through the rope with the pointy end. With one deft twist and a yank, her hands were free. With nimble fingers, her feet were much faster. She crawled at snail's pace, and whenever she thought the adventurers were looking her way she kept her wrists and ankles out of sight. She freed Tibbit and Dak, but when Pik held out his bound wrists expectantly, she hissed at him. "Pik already had chance. Blew it."

"Give Pik another chance!" he pleaded.

Kilik flicked her tail and gave him a haughty sneer. "Fine. Pik be useful if Pik can get free by the time all the hard work is done!" With that, she dropped the nail at his feet.

As Pik scrambled to catch the rolling spike, the three freed captives conferred. Then with clever stealth, they sneaked off into the bushes. Kilik waited. She was cleverest of her tribe. No wonder Pik liked her. If only he weren't also a clumsy oaf as well.

Clumsy or not, though, he had his uses. Kilik, Dak, and Tibbit waited. The night drew on, and darkness closed in on the firelight, pushing back the ring of illumination until shadows swam not ten paces from its flickering warmth. Kilik knew Pik was clumsy. She'd counted on it. And after waiting for it, she heard the noise she had been anticipating. The nail, bouncing off a hard rock on the path they'd been trundling down, and Pik's muttered curses.

This, of course, drew the attention of the wolf. He stood in confusion for a moment when he saw that three quarters of his captives had vanished, then barked out an alarm. The fox emerged from where she'd been resting in the tent (definitely she. Kilik had heard of female adventurers and the strange lumps on their chest. Unnatural, she thought.) The tiger followed moments after, though minus his armor and weapons.

Kilik didn't wait. As soon as they vacated the tent, she, Dak, and Tibbit clawed a hole through the back of the canvas and tumbled inside. There was noise, and something that sounded like Pik crying. Something about the noise set Kilik on edge. Sure, she didn't LIKE him, but she was allowed not to like him. Kobold girls weren't supposed to like the pretty boys. Anyway, he was clumsy. But still, it was her perogitive to dislike him, not some stupid adventurers. She cast around for something--anything--and her eye landed on a length of ivory. It was seven inches long, curved and twisted around its central axis like a horn, and carved deep into it were faintly glowing runes that she couldn't identify. Last she'd seen it, it'd been in the hands of the fox. Without a shred of hesitation, she took it for her own.

When her fingers closed around its handle, she felt a shock travel up her arm. Not that she needed a reminder, but there was magic in this thing! It tugged at her arm and fingers. It filled her head with strange syllables, and it made her feel smart. Oh, she'd always felt clever. She knew she was the cleverest. But clever is different than smart. Smart meant knowing things, and kobolds were good at figuring things out without knowing anything about them in the first place. Now, though, she _knew._It filled her up, until she thought it was just going to burst out and-

"Ak'Ha'Ta!"

It was only after she heard the shout that she realized it was her own voice. A lick of flame jumped from her fingers and caught the heavy burlap of the tent. The fabric caught and burned aggressively, leaving nothing but floating cinders behind. In just seconds, the tent fabric was incinerated, leaving just a few vertical poles sticking from the ground where the adventurer-sized tent had been.

Twenty paces away, where they'd been investigating the cart, the adventurers looked back at Kilik. The fox shouted something, and held her hands up.

And then the world went crazy.

Behind the fox, Kilik could see ancient, eldritch creatures ready to invade the material plane at the wizard's command. No!_The wand-controlled kobold thought. _Not if I have anything to say about it.

Kilik opened her mouth again, and another arcane phrase escaped her lips. Glowing spheres appeared at her shoulder. With a gesture, they swept over the rutted ground and slammed into the fox's summoned pets. They incandesced for just a moment, then disappeared. She'd done it! She did real magic! She was a mage, now, and if Kilik did something she wanted to be good at it! She raised her wand again, and the wizard war was truly begun.

Ice formed on the branches of nearby trees as the fox fired knives of frost at Kilik, but Kilik swung her new wand and fire roared in response. Tree roots rose from the ground to crush her, but her grasping hands of earth reached up to grab the roots back. It was magic versus magic, element versus element, but in Kilik's fingers, it was really master against his own truest weapon. And the weapon was winning.

Arcing tendrils of electricity zorched off of the fox's hastily summoned arcane shield. When the air had cleared, a shrieking tiger dashed through the gap. He was followed by Dak and Tibbit, who had grabbed a broad sword longer than the two of them combined laid head to toe. To even wield it, both of them had grabbed the hilt and were swinging it like a reaper man with a scythe. Kilik ignored them. She swung her wand around again, and an oily fireball rolled over the campsite and crashed against a wall of earth the fox had summoned. Kilik smiled. She pushed with her hands, and a summoned gust tipped the rocky barrier backwards, and with a shriek from the far side, collapsed. She'd won! The fox lay unconscious on the far side. Kilik was the master now!

Dazed and surprised, she looked around in shock. Dak and Tibbit had cornered the tiger against an upturned oak root. Even Pik had managed to free himself, and had stolen the tiger's helm. It was so large that it fit down around his shoulders, and the arrows the wolf ranger pelted at him ricochetted harmlessly off the steel. He was dancing and giggling, swinging around his crude club blindly, but his eccentric dashes made him impossible to hit. A quick gesture from Kilik pulled the wolf's feet out from under him with a shifting of the loam, and Pik was on him with a second. This time, the club landed.

The tiger surrendered. The fox unconscious, and the wolf was injured. The four kobold companions looked at each other in disbelief.

"Know what this means?" Kilik's smile was crazed.

Pik sidled up to her, his club dangling limply from his fingers. He stared at her through the eye-slits of the massive helm. In his eyes were adoration and worship. Kilik squirmed. He was a clumsy oaf, but she could get used to being worshiped. So she took his hand and pulled him close. The iron helm tumbled from his shoulders, and for a moment he was just Pik.

In his eyes were mischief. Dak and Tibbit smiled with poorly concealed malice. Kilik lifted her new trusty wand over her head and fired a lightning bolt into the sky. Visions of fame and fortune danced before her vision, and wealth and treasure she was going to amass reached out to her like a siren's song. They took their pilfered weapons and armor, left the adventurers bound, gagged, and naked at the edge of the road, and took the cart towards the nearest city.

"It means that, now, we can be the heroes!"