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Murky water memories rush through my stream of consciousness until... lightning.

Him, his... he..? He's gone.

Not in my room, at least. I want to believe last night didn't happen... but I do remember that much. What happened last night... Who was that guy?

Aghn, god!

An acute, indescribable pang disturbs my trickling stream of consciousness when I try and recall last night. Red-hot angry needles eat at my groin. Everything hurts. I bet he left scars, that sick fuck! I can't even move. Any motion right now tells me to die back down.

Bending forward... _God! S-son of a... Jesus._Okay, sitting up is a no-go. Dirty... I feel dirty. I need a shower. My skin's crawling, trying to get away since I can't.

After last night, this isn't my bed anymore. I need Ophi, she can help. She owes me big time for that mess-up. Oh right, she set the date up, so it was her fault! Fuck her... I'd say, If I had anyone else to go to. I'm so far away from anyone else I know.

My phone's gone, it was in my purse last night. I lean up, and nothing. The pain's gone. _Well, now I can check..._What? My panties are gone, pants too. My shirt and top are on my nightstand, and I'm naked. It doesn't look like there's any mess. I run my fingers along my lower lips, and test a finger inside. Feels like discharge, normal. Like I hadn't even had sex. My finger lies to me. It feels dirty, slimy, wrong. And as if I'd actually be okay after taking that softball last night. There had to have been blood.

Lets find a mirror...

In the bathroom, I see myself... I think. Is this still my body? I look bloated. Dark circles under my eyes... Have always been there, but I look like a zombie and my brains are giving me enough trouble, I don't want more. Dark circles lined down to my cheeks make look like I'd butted heads with a raccoon and took his mask. My flesh red hair is kinked and knotted every which way, but I don't care enough to brush it right now.

Did something _actually_happen last night?

I splay my legs wide while I kneel on the counter, the reflection being both foreign and pedestrian. I've never bothered to look so intensely at my own vulva, and now I'm looking at this dirty thing. I think there's nothing out of place. Pert, pink, and symmetrical. But... That's wrong. Shouldn't be any of that right now. The mirror is lying.

Headache's forming in my forehead, that might be sinuses... Maybe it's all just PMS? I can't remember that guy last night, was he real? PMS has never been like this... No. That's dumb. Last night definitely happened. I have to shower, to feel clean... No. I have to get to the to someone and file a report. Showering would clear the evidence... I might feel safe again if they catch him. If I could just find my...

No phone still, it's just... not here.

I walk through my own home like a stranger. Tiptoeing from room to room on a razor's edge. If he's here, I might be in trouble. Though I could probably fool him into letting me out if it comes to that. Would he fall for it? It's good I don't have to find out, because he's not in the main room. My phone isn't here either, and I'm starting to think he took those pants with my phone in them. Why even? Who takes a person's pants. Who takes a person's pants!? Wait, was it a skirt I was wearing? Ugh, everything's foggy.

I guess I can use my landline to get a hold of Ophi, but at this point maybe I should just call 911. I don't exactly recall her cell number. Would _anyone_believe me though? There's no evidence, it's my word against his. I don't even remember his name or have any details other than he was big and black. This is just so great, good job Mel. This is my own fault. I didn't know him, why did I let him into my house and into my pants?

I wish I at least still had my phone. I feel naked without it.

I fall, defeated, on my couch beside the phone. I could find Ophi in the phone book. That much is still here. Wait, is he going to come back? Starting to worry about him makes my heart claw out of my chest.

Jesus Christ! My insides... My head! The pain is back.

Everything hurts too much to think straight. I retreat inside myself. I'm the only one who can hold and comfort myself now. The sensation of existence, anything outside my body, recedes into the black until I'm sitting in the abyss and tormented by the pain.

I can't tell how long it is until I feel real again. How much time did I lose just now, how much time until he comes back? If he comes back. I need to get out of here, I'm not safe.

I finally get up and rummage through the phone book. I've had to do this before, Ophi forgot to give me her home number when I moved here and I was so lost. Here it is. Okay. Dialing... _Ring. Ringring._Ophelia you have to pick up, if you don't--

"Hello?"

"Ophi, hey! That you?" I tremble over the phone.

"Yeah, what's up buttercup?" She says amidst other people in the room talking. Probably a TV.

"I could really use a place to stay right now."

"Oh, sure you can come hang. How'd the date go? Are you okay?" She does sound worried, that's good. But I can't worry her too much or she'll bail. She's done that to me more than once already.

"Not well. We'll talk more when I feel safe, can you come pick me up?" I say, scratching my head. I feel a tiny rough patch of skin on my scalp, a scab perhaps. Massive headache, scabs... The stress is dissolving me.

"I can be there in 10. I was gunna hang at the mall this morning. Did you wanna go shopping?" Still as flippant as ever.

"Just come get me."

"Okay," She sighs, "I'll be there after I finish this up."

"Just hurry over." I clamber back into the bathroom. I'm safe if I just wait here, door locked. Maybe I can just clean up a little too, but I don't know how it works, this hasn't happened to me before. Do I need to stay just as I am? I should have researched what a rape kit entails... Maybe I shouldn't clean up. I'll just.. curl up on the floor and wait, wait for Ophelia or someone else to save me. I wish I were stronger, this is all I can do.

Knock.

Knock knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Is she here? No, it could be him... Ophelia has a key. I can't take the chance. I hear knocks turning into beating into white noise. The thumping metronome of my heartbeat heavy in my ears. It breaks the noise and overwhelms all other sensations to keeps me sane, and lulls me out of it. I give up. If it's him then he can take me, it's not like I can fight back. The images of him rush through my mind, hot and muddy memories slip through my fingers. Every scoop of a new memory burns my hands. Something in me doesn't want to let go, to remember him, catching more scalding water in my paws until it burns through my flesh. I--

Jolt. Hitting my head on my cabinet. Someone grabbed my shoulder, "Ow. Fuck!" It's Ophelia's paw that dragged me out of myself, shaking me out of my stupor and into my sink.

"Oh no I'm sorry Mel! I didn't mean to scare you." Ophi says through a stretched toothy frown while we rub my sore head. That's all that's sore though; the pain faded. "Are you okay, why are you in here?" She grabs my hand,"You're so cold! It's winter, turn on a heater!" She fetches me a cover and drapes it around me while she tries to feed me her warmth with a hug.

"That guy you hooked me up with last night? H-he--," Hold on. I can't tell her outright or I'll scare her away. Breathe. Cleanse. She pierces me with a scared face which already guessed what happened. It's too late to worry about her booking it. "Last night, he... Well, he raped me...I think he left scars or, well, something. It hurts." It's not there right now, that's actually the most annoying part. It shouldn't be coming and going. The vacation is welcomed, though.

"He did? No way... Oh god, I can't believe he'd--" She says, taking a step back. "Are you sure?"

"Ophi. It's not exactly gray. He raped me. I can't believe it either. He seemed okay! He reminded me so much of..." She just purses her lips and shakes her head. That's why she hooked us up. She knew he looked like Stephen. Wait, did he? My memories are shot, and full of holes. "We have to do something. Do you... Do you think we should go to the police?" I say, reaching for her paw.

She looks at me like she was disgusted, confused, and in denial. She starts to shake her head. "No. No no no, we can't." She retreats from me, eyes scattering over the room.

"What, why not? We can't let him just get away with this! I think there's still probably evidence if we hurry..."

Her stance tells me everything. She's already looking for a way out. I can see the tears welling up, glistening over her brown eyes. "I-I think I need to go Mel, I'm sorr--." Something in me wells up with determination. Reactively, I snap her wrist in my paw and tug her to my level. She's my only hope. She has to cooperate.

"Mel, you're going to help me up and take me to the hospital right now. I can't stay here!" The rumble of each word beats around in my chest and then falls off my lips. My fur stands on end, this is my last chance to convince her.

The tears she was holding onto so desperately fall lost into her auburn fur. "You're right... Come on, we'll go to the hospital." Her voice was shaky, low, and with the spark of agency I had been trying to light.

"Thank you, thank you so much Ophi..." Having her finally acknowledge what I had been feeling lets me relax my steel. I finally let it out, the tension of the situation loosening and pouring from my eyes while my friend drags me out.

There's hardly any wait when we get there. I said I was raped, and they took me for a full checkup and rape kit. I heard someone say that I'd meet 5 people. The first two I meet are nurses I think. One wearing pink scrubs, the other had black hair. I don't bother learning their names, I just call them Nurse Black and Nurse Pink.

My head hasn't stopped hurting since we left. I keep scratching at the sores, surely just making it worse. My groin hasn't hurt in a while, though. Maybe it healed? Its been less than 12 hours.

Their faces have been distrustful since they saw me. "If we open the kit," they say before we begin, "there's no going back." I hesitate, it would be easier to stop. To let it go and be in agony for a few days, maybe deal with emotional trauma whenever I get those back. I looked to Ophelia. She wasn't there, I'd lost her on the way in. I have to think this is what I should do. Knowing her she'd probably talk me out of it, so it's good she's not here.

They break the seal, and get to work. The pink nurse starts collections. The black-haired one starts filling out forms. Questions... So many questions we discuss. The first thing we collect is my clothes over a sheet to catch debris. I almost came without pants, it's good Ophi noticed before we left.

They give me a gown to cover up and lay me back. I wasn't ready. Cold speculum wings spread my lips. My skin writhes, trying to get away. Swabs, tests, all sorts of things are run. I keep my mind off of it by answering the questions that the pink nurse gives me.

The questions seem never ending while Ms. Black moves from sample collecting at my vagina to blood collecting at my wrist. I've always kinda hated needles, but right now anything could happen and it wouldn't phase me.

A tall doctor comes in. His onyx fur contrasts with his white coat, so I'll call him Dr. Black. I don't really pay him mind as he runs a few last tests and gives me some pills in case of STIs. He starts to leave, but he notices how I claw desperately at my head occasionally to ease its irritation. I've probably started to draw blood, which is why he'd notice.

"Melanie, you're going to need to stop scratching that," The doctor asks, "Nurse, did you swab these sores and test for CPV?"

"Yes doctor," Nurse Black says in her nasally tone.

Dr. Black removes my paws and takes gauze from the nurse, cleaning both sores I've created on my head. "I think you dug through to the bone, we're seeing white."

"...If you hadn't noticed, my fur is white. Any red you see is probably my hair." I say, spitting out the dull anger I'd been chewing on for the hours I've been here.

"Does this hurt?" He says, while poking the sore spot. I recoil away. "No, this is definitely bone. I think I'll admit you to the hospital to get this checked out." The doctor says as he pulls out a pad. What? I didn't come here for this. I've already had so much trouble for this, I'm tired.

I stare up at him and shake my head. "No. Don't admit me. I want to go home." I say, flatly.

He just blinks twice and then nods. "Okay Melanie. You're free to leave when you like." Wait, was I free to go the whole time? Maybe I'd have felt lighter if I knew that.

"Doctor, are you sure? We finished the kit, but the police have yet to take a statement and her forehead is starting to turn red," The nurses look at each other, "That has to be looked at."

Mr. Black shakes something out of his hair, "No. Show her out if she likes." I'm really surprised that he so willingly just agrees. I guess they can't treat me without my consent. I've seen too much House M.D. I guess.

I turn to them and say, "Yeah. I wanna go home. Help me leave."

They cross glances, and start collecting their stuff. "We'll get you ready ma'am."

Nurse black hands me a box of goodies and clothes to change into, since my clothes are now evidence. The clothing is nearly 6 sizes too big, I have to use zip ties to keep it on me. Now at least I look about as good as I feel. Yeah, awful. I give myself one more look over in the mirror.

The nurse walks me out to the front, and I peer through the door. Ophelia's not here anymore. No one is. I guess I didn't expect Ophi to be here, It's nearly 8pm. I'll call her at the exit desk.

Nurse black brings the papers and fills everything out in front of me. She gives me the receipt and escorts me out. "Okay Miss, have a nice day. Call that number on the paper if you ever have any questions." She kept talking, but I didn't stay to listen. I'm halfway through the door before someone grabs my shoulder. It's Nurse Pink.

"Hey, this is yours right?" She says, tugging my paw from the handle and slapping a phone in my hand. It doesn't register. I stare at it until it clicks inside and I nod feverishly.

"Yeah, where'd you find it? I thought I lost it."

"It was in the pants you had on when you came in." She said, ratling the box of evidence and then setting it down with the other collection bits behind the counter.

"Oh. Uh. Thank you." I mull that over, how'd that get in there? It doesn't really matter that I get it now, it's dead. Wish I could use it to contact Ophi, though.

We get me cleared to go at the desk, "Hey nurse, can I use the phone to call my friend? I need someone to take me home."

Taking my hand, she leads me to the phone and drops it on the handle. "Dial 9 to get out."

Does it really work like that? Blankly, I push 9 on the pad and wait.

I'm still here... right?

That didn't work how I wanted it to. I sigh and start to punch in Ophelia's number, but... I don't know it. I was lucky earlier to have the phone book. My phone's dead. I'm stuck, again. The nurse already walked off, and I'm too embarrassed to go up to someone and ask for a phone book. I already troubled enough people today. I'll just... Wait in the lobby? Maybe she'll come back tomorrow.

I'm alone.

The lobby is empty, and dark. The fluorescent bulbs hum the soundtrack of my feelings while I stare out the black windows. This isn't the only exit wing, I can see another in the window. Probably explains why it's empty.

Chairs line up along each wall, making a bit of a U shape that starts at the entrance, focuses on a table with childrens books and those sorts of dextrous toys that are always at a hospital, and ends in the door I just came out.

I fall limp into a seat in the crook of the room. The seats aren't too cramped or uncomfortable. These armrests are misnamed, really. Though... with a bit of maneuvering, I'm wedged between two or three chairs. I'd say I miss my bed, but I'm okay not being there now. I yank off a kiddy book from the pile, open it, and lay it on my head.

Let's just... sleep...

This is... my room, my sheets. But there's a guy in my bed. Talking to himself, whispering something I can't decipher over a cell.

His back makes an unearthly crunch as he snaps around to face me. That sound of bone and vein twisting into a pop stains my ears with it's call. Divine black eyes stab into me when, in an airy voice not his own, he says, "Thanks sweetie. Thanks for giving me your name. I think about it all the time."

I hurt.

My back hurts. My head hurts. I never get a break anymore. It's been a few hours since my forehead was in pain but now something is definitely trying to claw out of my face. I was asleep for maybe twenty minutes, and I'm already in agony.

Well, I say twenty minutes, there's no clock so I'm not really sure. The lights are still blaring around the makeshift shield... What book is this, anyway? With the pages folded under my thumbs, I lift it up and read it. It's an updated book of an old folk tale about Kitsune: spirit foxes with up to 9 tails. One is already enough to deal with, I can hardly imagine dealing with nine.

Actually, I think Nine is the name of it. Oh, actually the spine says "To Give Nine" by... FoxArc. That's a very popular publishing company. The back has a little blurb about this, "Remastered for a new generation, all the classics of your childhood! FoxArc Publishing presents To Give Nine!"

My mom read this to me as a kid all the time. Back then, it was in a tiny hardcover book with a gold spine. If I remember correctly, these were published by them then too. They moved from a pencil and acrylic style to something more modern Sumi-E. The visuals are beautiful. I flip through it a bit. Okay. With a snap, I shake the pages back to the beginning. The pages ruffle under my thumb.

Let's start from the beginning.

Once upon a time, in a beautiful forest, there were two beautiful cats. One was named Snow, with fur just as white as their name. And the other went by Calico, whom had soft sleek fur of tousled black, brown, and orange.

And Snow was in love.

Snow had not yet told Calico that they were the owner of their heart, but planned to do so soon.

One day, when Calico is swimming at the pond, Snow finds Calico, and confesses their love.

For Calico, it's love at first sight. They fall madly in love with Snow. They start planning for the future, "We're gunna have nine kittens, and we'll name them..."

They're together for a few weeks and Calico is ready to propose to Snow.

_But Snow feels guilty, "Love is honest, and because I love you I will tell you. I'm not a cat, I'm a Kitsune."

Kitsune are known for their treasured tails of up to nine, and magical powers of deception. Because of this, their status is the highest of any animal._

"You've betrayed my heart..." The young cat, struck with grief, says, "I cannot be with you... I cannot be with a kitsune."

Snow cries, "But I am a kitsune! We're beautiful, everyone loves kitsune!"

"_My heart belongs to a cat," Calico cries, "I want to have proper kittens." Calico's heart pounds out of their chest. They loved Snow so much, but to find out that they weren't real...

Calico falls over, and dies of heart break._

Suddenly, the book is tugged straight up away from my paws. "Yo. How long are ya' gunna fuckin' read? We're here; you got company princess,"