FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Varu's PoV

On top of a roof and under the starry sky, I sit on the cold floor as a chilling wind blows through my nose, making me sneeze. "Cold...," I sniff and hug my knees, trying to warm myself up. It's such a cold night, and I've always disliked the cold.

"Varu," I hear a familiar female voice calling out for me. Who is it? I can't remember. I can't be bothered to turn around because of how cold it is. A warm blanket then covers me along with two pawss.

"How's my smart little boy?" she says, rubbing my ears. It feels so good and warm that it melted away the coldness covering my body body. I remember who she is now.

"Mom?" I look to her, and she's there with a smile across her face. "Mom, why did Dad have to leave?" I ask her. She continues rubbing my ears.

"Dad went to go to work. He'll come back soon."

"I know that soon isn't soon. He's not coming back in a few months. He went abroad, so please don't say it's 'soon'," I reply with a cold tone, removing the warmth of my mother's touch. I can only feel coldness again.

"You've always known, haven't you? Yet you stayed positive. You almost always never thought negative," I stay silent. I never liked the idea of going abroad to work. It's like trading your time for the family with money, which I never think is worth it. I sigh afterwards in response.

"I'm fine. I'll be okay tomorrow. It's just that I'm not in the mood today, with Dad leaving and all." I say as I tuck myself with the blanket.

"You should be more honest with yourself, Varu." But I am being honest. I just need to let these emotions go and I'll be fine tomorrow. "You should be more honest, even to now," I look at her, confused. What does she mean by "even to now"?

The moment I realize what she meant, she starts to fade away. Every moment of watching her fade with that smile on her face was torment. I don't want you to leave, Mom. I want you to stay with me. Why did you have to go? Why? She then starts rubbing my ears and says, "Be strong, and still stay positive." How am I supposed to stay positive when I'm watching you disappear right in front of my eyes. "Also, happy birthday, dear Varu," I look at her with horrified eyes and try to hug her tightly but she changes into remnants of my memories of her before I am able to. I hold on to those memories tightly, but they all disperse into the air until none is left. I'm now alone on the rooftop with no one rubbing my ears and this blanket that didn't help on stopping the cold.

"Mom... why did you leave me?" I mumble to myself. No one's here to see me weep then comfort me. No one's here to be an stay by my side. No one's here to look out for me. No one's here to love me.

"We'll trust, depend, share our feelings," I start to hear a voice in my head. Who is this? "and take off our masks that doesn't show the real us in this club as we help others." Club? Take of our masks? Be honest with myself...? As I look up, I see him stretch his paw to me.

"You should be more honest with yourself, Varu," I hear my mother's voice mixed with his. I start to cry, remembering what my mother once told me when Dad went abroad. Those were the words that I never understood until now, and you made me realize it. Riese Michael Fritz, the weird Husky that I met on the first day, how come you resemble my mother in some way?

He starts to rub my ears with his outstretched paw, and it felt so real that I can feel the warmth back, eliminating the coldness that I've been feeling the past two years since Mom's death. When I look at him, he was smiling like Mom, and I try to smile back under all these tears that are rolling down my cheeks. He stops rubbing my ears and lends a paw. "Thank you," I say to him before I grab his paw and everything start to turn white.

I squint my eyes at the bright light over my eyelids. I slowly open them, everything's a blur but I can see something black beside me. My vision clears up and I see him sleeping beside me, his paw slightly above my ear. My eyes widen in surprise and my mouth slightly opened but I hold my breath and think a bit. He probably just fell to the floor. That's it. But why is his paw near my ears. Was he really rubbing my ears while I was asleep? Is that why it felt real? But why would he even do that?

"I'll just get up and--" as I try to roll to get up, I notice my tail is stuck under Riese. "Really...?" I try tugging my tail, being careful not to wake him up, but it's futile. I try lifting him up slowly and getting my tail out but it looks like I disturb him.

"Ngh... five more minutes," he groans as he swings his arm then hugs me. My brows furrow, not knowing what to do with him. Maybe I should just be straightforward about it.

"Riese," I whisper to him, but he just groans in response. I repeat and he slowly opens his eyes. "Riese, can you get off my tail?" I say, but he just closes his eyes in an attempt to sleep again,"Dude!"

"The bed is so much more comfortable," he says lazily.

"At least get off my tail," I try pushing him lightly, but he won't budge. "Dammit Riese!"

"Not until you say you're satisfied with your care."

"I'm not satisfied with my care so get off!"

"Aw, but I took care of you last night. You said you were cold so at times like these, you need someone to be by your side."

"Wait, what? Did I really say that?" I feel myself blushing. Riese nods.

"Yep, you said 'cold' in your sleep so I decided to sleep beside you. It's warmer that way, right?" he opens his eyes, looking at me with a warm smile.

"The heck is that reason?" I retort, "Don't you know what personal space is? I'm pretty sure it doesn't mean sleeping close with another person while he's asleep!"

"But when I rubbed your ears, you said 'thank you'," he replies with an annoyingly goofy face. I unintentionally make a nervous smile and a forced, fake laugh to let go of these embarrassing thoughts. "Uh, you okay?" he asks worriedly at my sudden gesture.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I grab a pillow slowly, turn the other side, then bury my face to it to hide my obviously embarrassed and blushing face. How could I say something like that? And on my sleep?

"That's nothing to be ashamed of, though. You were probably dreaming something sad, that's why you felt cold," he gets up, freeing my tail which I immediately take hold on in case Riese lies back down. "Anyways, it's around six already. I'm gonna go home," he says as he picks up his bag. I turn to him, a bit surprised.

"Wah? Six?" I usually wake up at around 5:30. I hastily get up and tidy myself, "No, lemme make breakfast real quick. I think there're some packs of instant noodles left. Are you okay with that?"

"When you're in a hurry, instant noodles," he says it like a philosopher and it made chuckle. "Yeah, that's fine. If you insist." I nod back and hurry to the kitchen.

As I wait for the water to boil, I search through some cabinets and luckily find two packs of instant noodles.

"You need any help?" Riese asks. I shake my head. "Okay, well, I'll go out to get some fresh air. You're really fine?" I nod my head and hear a door opening then closing afterwards.

As I wait for the noodle to cook, I think about him. The first day we met, he was this happy-go-lucky Husky who always wanted to go with what he wanted to the extent that he'd hug a Fox he just met that day. I never wanted to join the High Flyers Club, mainly because I never liked his happy-go-lucky-ness. Annoying, persistent, always smiling, he's like that. Now, I'm slowly accepting his carefree lifestyle but it looks like that's not his only personality. He's also caring, thinking about others, but still with that smile and being carefree. I'm slightly jealous of him on how he can freely express himself, but I'm glad he's my friend and I'm glad I'm part of the club.

I turn off the stove and serve two bowls of noodles on the table. I hear the door open then close again and Riese happens to pass by. We eat the noodle together, and it reminds me of the first day, when we ate lunch together at school. The food then and now are equally warm. This feeling with him is like the feeling when Mom, Dad and I ate dinner together. It makes me so happy.

"You're crying again," Riese says, pointing his fork at me. I lightly touch the side of my eyes and notice it was wet from tears.

"Oh, I am. I'm such a crybaby, aren't I?" I try to joke, but the tears just continue to flow. I wipe the away the tears with my right paws. He seems to be focusing on me, which is making me a bit uncomfortable.

"Just noticed you're left pawed. I am, too," he smiles, slightly raising the fork with his left paw. I just noticed as well. I smile back at his smile, and he continues eating. I continue as well. "By the way, you also hugged me during your sleep." I choke on the noodle at what he said, hitting my chest lightly and coughing.

"What?" my voice is raised and I can feel myself blushing. "What do you mean I... hugged you?" I stammer weakly, losing breath as I think of me hugging Riese. "N-No, you're kidding, right?" he shakes his head.

"You were hugging me tightly as well," his tone isn't sarcastic, nor does it sound real, but if I really did hug him... I flush red on the spot, I feel so embarrassed. He's gotta be joking. Yeah, only joking. "I took a picture--" I see him reach his pocket and I immediately yell back.

"No, don't! I don't wanna see it! Don't!" I childishly flail my arms. He just laughs it off like it's a joke. In reflex, I hide my face with my pawss in embarrassment. "I'm so weak." Riese disagrees on what I said.

"You're not weak, you just needed comfort," Riese says before impolitely slurping some noodles. I shake my head in disagreement.

"I am weak. I keep crying, and I still cry in front of others. I can't hold in these tears, and I'm always scared," I say weakly.

"And that's why you need comfort, because being honest with yourself can sometimes hurt."

"Being honest...? I'm being honest with myself?" I slowly move my pawss away from my face and look at him, slightly confused.

"You've always been, and that's why I wanted you to join the club. The first day we met, you honestly disliked me. The days after that, you honestly changed. Now, you're casually being honest to me. It's hard to be honest with yourself, you know. Others tend to say they're fine and put up a strong face. There's a difference in acting strong and actually being strong, and you're strong enough to be honest with someone you just knew for a week. You're not weak, you might be one of the stronger persons I know." I'm mildly shocked at what he said. I try to let it sink in, but I just can't. I continue eating the noodles in an attempt to ignore him.

"I'm... not strong," I mumble to myself.

"You can't fly high by yourself. That's why you need others with you. I said that last night, didn't I?" I nod shyly. "In other words, you're weak alone, but you're strong with others. No man is an island, after all," Riese says it so casually that I feel so angry and envious, yet touched as well. I absent-mindedly continue eating, and he also continues.

For the whole time afterwards, we silently eat aside from the occasional slurping sound. Riese finishes first, and I finish a while after him. I stand up and pick up my bowl. "Thanks for accompanying me. I'll clean up here, you can go home ahead," That's all I can say today. I'm emotionally exhausted.

"No, thank you," Riese says, standing up with his bowl in paw, "I'll help you clean up, the least I can do."

"I'm..." I pause and think about what he said about being honest. A faint smile arcs across my face. "Sure, you can help me," I smile at him, and he smiles back.

After washing, Riese bids goodbye and goes home. He says it's just a little distance from here so he can visit anytime if he wants to, which makes me a bit annoyed since I don't know where his house is. Once he's gone, I go back to the living room and look at the untidy mattress. Without second thoughts, I approach then lie down on it, thinking about what Riese said.

"Did I really hug him?" As I think about it, pictures of me hugging a Husky comes to mind. "No, no, no! Stop it, Varu! It's already embarrassing as it is," I yell at myself while rolling around the mattress, trying to erase the pictures popping up in my head, "but," I stop my childish tantrum and think about the other things he said, "being honest, huh? Mom... am I being honest with myself?"

I hear my stomach grumble after a while of blankly staring at the ceiling. "Ugh... hungry... I knew instant noodles weren't enough for me." I get up, go to the kitchen, and prepare something to eat. Thoughts about Riese slowly disappear from my thoughts.

~~Fast Forward to Sunday afternoon, at the supermarket~~

"So, you also buy the groceries?" I ask the silver Akita beside me as we walk around. He nods in response.

Ken Aki, a silver Akita and a fellow club member of the High Flyers Club. I happen to bump into him while buying groceries for the week. He looks different in his casual clothes than in his uniform, like he's a different person. In his white shirt and below the knee shorts actually makes him look friendlier. I don't know why, but it just does. Maybe it's because he's older than me and that wearing his school uniform makes him look more of an upper classman than in his casual.

"So, Ken, I've been meaning to ask you. Why did you join the High Flyers Club?" I ask him. He responds with a blank stare before picking up a box of cereal. I'd have thought that he doesn't eat cereals, being in a rich family. I guess not. Maybe it's just me being judgmental and assuming.

"I," he pauses for a while then continues, "I thought that it's a good idea to try something new." I nod in response. "What about you?" he asks me suddenly.

"Eh, um, it's because he... forced me?" I'm not sure with my answer, I thought he'd laugh but he just stares at me intently. I hear him mumble something, but can't quite hear it. "What's wrong?" I ask him. He shakes his head and says it's nothing. I shrug it off.

"Discount on meat, 25% off!" my ears perk up. On the meat aisle is someone announcing a discount on meat. Without a second thought, I bid goodbye to Ken and dash off to the meat aisle. Another war is going to start. The whole ground shakes, and cloud of dusts come approaching towards that one aisle. This will be a battlefield, and with my experience on such, I will come out victorious!

I manage to be one of the early ones to reach the aisle, but examining good meat will take time, and with that, the lucky ones might get the best ones first. I'll have to pick the ones I feel are good meat, and of course discounter. I immediately snatch the first three packs in front of me, examining each carefully. One is just right, the others not so much. More and more are starting to gather. I need to do this faster. I see an excellent looking one about to be taken by someone, and I immediately snatch it. Sorry, but this is a battlefield with no mercy. The pack I snatched was in excellent shape, with little fats and more on actual meat.

There are already a lot of people pushing each other, trying to claim the best packs. With two down, I just need two more to go. Eyeing each pack carefully even with all the pushing, I manage to find (then snatch) some good looking ones, holding currently six packs. I examine the six packs, checking for four of the highest quality and returning the two with the lowest.

With that done, a victorious smirk comes across my face as I turn around and leave the battlefield, victorious with my four packs of quality meat. "Another win for me," I say to myself as I slowly walk away, as if I've defeated and MVPed a Raid Boss and getting the great loots from it.

"Amazing," a wild Ken appears beside me which makes me jump.

"Gah! Oh, Ken. Did you wait for me?" I say shyly. "You didn't need to. It's just, when I hear discount, I just have to. To save some money." I try explaining to him.

"I'm amazed you were able to get some quality meat in such chaos," he says, looking at the packs of meat inside my basket.

"Oh, yeah. Back then, I was actually afraid of going into that 'chaos' but I'm always left with the lesser quality ones. If I want good quality meat, I have to compete for it. After all, this is a competitive world," I say as I examine my loot, feeling proud of myself.

"It must be the same in the business world," he mumbles, but I can at least hear him this time. I'm glad he's starting to talk more rather than being the silent type I thought he was going to be. A man of few words, maybe, but not totally silent. I look back at the meat aisle, seeing lesser people than before.

"But it's tougher than this, I'm sure. These things happen so fast, so you have to be prepared." I think out loud. I look back at him, and I notice his pawss slightly shaking. "Are you okay?" I ask him. He shakes his head.

"I'm fine," he says so, but I think he's not. I smile at him and tell him what Mom and Riese told me. At least, in my dreams.

"You should be more honest to yourself," I say. His brows slightly furrows and his head slightly tilts. "We're in the same club. In this club, we have to be honest with each other to do everything one-hundred percent. You don't need to hide anything." His eyes widen slightly, but goes back to his narrowed, somewhat blank eyes afterwards.

"Great club," he says. I nod in agreement.

"I'm gonna go to the vegetable aisle for now," I say.

"I'm planning to buy vegetables, too."

"Oh, cool, then we can go together," Ken nods back.

When we reach the vegetable aisle, I see a familiar Fox, a green Fox to be exact, with two older Foxes with him who I believe are his parents. The older green Fox was the one who picked him up at school the other day, so I assume he's his dad and the blue Fox with black hair is his mother. "Ah, veggies with cheese already sounds so good," the younger green Fox says with joy and a childish tone, tail wagging excitedly.

"Hey, it's Rue," I call him and his body stiffens and tail raised in surprise. He slowly turns his head and loosens up a bit after seeing me.

"Oh, hey Varu," he waves shyly. I approach the three along with Ken.

"Good afternoon ma'am, sir," I greet the two older Foxes. Ken bows down slightly.

"There's no need to be formal," the older green Fox says.

"Yeah, just be casual. Name's Eclair Krantz, I'm this little Fox's mother," the older blue Fox says while rubbing Rue's head.

"Rude Krantz," the older green Fox says, pinching Rue's cheek. "Also, don't call us by our last name. Using the last name when meeting somewhat feels like you're putting a barrier between us. Rue's friend is our friend, after all." Mr. Krantz, I mean Rude, smiles along with Eclair.

"You guys, stop it, it's embarrassing," Rue struggles to say with his cheek being pinched. Rude let's go afterwards.

"I'm Varu Foks, Rue's classmate and clubmate."

"Ken Aki. Rue's clubmate," Ken bows down slightly. Eclair pats Ken shoulders with her paws with sparkling eyes after Ken straightens himself, slightly surprising him.

"Are you, by any chance, acquainted with Minami Aki?" Eclair leans closer to Ken, making him a bit uncomfortable. She has this childish look on her face, but it looks great and hilarious on her. Ken nods shyly in response.

"The Minami Aki? The famous business woman in Japan?" Rude also leans closer to Ken, making him twice uncomfortable. Ken nods again.

"How?" the two of them chorus.

"M-Mother," Ken hesitatingly say. The two Foxes give him a deadly serious face, staring right into his eyes. I'm just standing with a nervous smile on the side along with Rue here, also feeling the tension in the area. The Foxes' face loosen up and giggle, distancing themselves from Ken afterwards.

"Well, you're not lying, that's for sure," Eclair smiles.

"Mrs. Aki is a strong person. She always stands her ground and isn't afraid of risks," Rude chimes in also with a smile.

"You must be really proud of your mom, huh?" Eclair continues. I smile at what the two said. Being the son of a famous business woman in Japan, you'd be proud of it, but I can't help but sense a deep feeling of sadness from Ken.

"Thank you very much for the compliments," Ken bows again.

"Anyways, we gotta finish our shopping. See you guys later," Eclair says casually, as if we're the same age. They really are treating us like friends. The three bid their goodbyes and they leave with their trolley, giving a silent air around us afterwards. I see Ken looking intently at them as they leave. I decide to brush it off and get the vegetables I need and want.

After buying the groceries, I say my goodbyes to Ken and we both go our separate way. I'm amazed Rue's parents also know about Minami Aki. She's famous in Japan, but she's not that known outside. They must have a liking to Japan like Rue. They also seem fun, the way they're like children.

I arrive home and put the groceries to where they're supposed to go. After that, I take a seat on the couch. "It's so quiet," I tell myself. I lie down on the couch. There's nothing to think about right now. I stare blankly at the ceiling, letting the time pass by.

"Why do I feel... restless? I'm usually tired after doing the groceries and take a nap when I get back home... yet why?" I turn to my side and see the empty space in front of me. I'm reminded of that Friday night when Riese came to my house unannounced, or should I call it that? He did tell me he's gonna go to my house, but that was on the actual day.

"I did oversleep again for an hour." I continue staring at the empty floor. "I already cleaned the house and did the laundry. Might as well play some games, I guess?" I tell myself as I get up then walk up the stairs to my room. I see my phone on the computer desk and check on it.

"One message from someone. Wonder who it is," I unlock the phone then open the message. After seeing the message, I slowly lock the phone, put it down, pretend I never saw that, shake my head, check it again. There's no denying it. That's me hugging that Husky, and smiling!

Having seen the photo, I just smirk and laugh it off. Maniacally. "Be prepared, Riese. Tomorrow might be the last day you'll ever see." And with that, I've let go of the past and prepare for what's to come.