FSE

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I woke up to nothing but shouting and white lights. I thought I'd gone blind, but my vision slowly came back to me. The doctors, a sea of animals all wearing vests covered in blood. One approached me mumbling some things.

"25, male.... Head Injury... Garett Keply...." Must be talking about me. I think a little more than my head is injured. Everything that I own hurts. What happened?

The silver tag on her chest told me her name. Stella, the tigress whom I incorrectly assumed was a nurse asked me a few fairly normal questions.

"I need you to remember a number for me. It's the number five. Got it?"

I opened my mouth to speak.

"Oh no don't speak. Your throat is too sore yet. Even if you tied you wouldn't be able to your vocal muscles took quite a punch."

I nod instead. How did my vocal chords take "Quite a punch?"

"Okay so what was the number"

I held up five fingers, rather obediently. I noticed my reflection on the back of her aluminum clipboard. The white part of one of my eyes is full of bright red blood. My orange and white fox fur is stained all over with the stuff too, but I didn't notice any cuts.

I was covered in someone else's blood.

"Okay good. Can you tell me what year it is?"

I hold up my fingers in order of number. Two, zero, one, six. God my paws are mangled. Stitches all over my paw pads, and a splint on my finger.

"Good, Good, can you tell me that number again?"

I put up five on my fingers again. She's testing me for a concussion. I remember in High School I took a really bad tumble during a Ski Club trip and the doctors there did the same thing.

My boyfriend was so worried about me. It was almost comical. He doesn't do much sports, he's actually on the chubbier side, but I love him all the same. His name was Brian. For some reason I never got the image of his terrified face out of my head. Something about the way his stripes aligned when his eyes widened made me feel good. I knew that someone else cared about me.

Every time he wanted to make sure he loved me, he'd run his paw over my cheek. And every time I'd notice his "Special Stripes". The ones that he dyed into the colors of the rainbow.

"Okay, I just need you to answer one last question for now, and this time I'll give you a piece of paper to write it down."

I nod, as if to say Continue...

"You were in a really bad car accident, 45 car pileup in one of the tunnels into town, some bozo tried to change lanes too fast..."

Isn't it illegal to change lanes in the tunnel anyways?

"...We just need to know if there was anyone else in the car with you. We're trying to get a total headcount on everyone involved, and if you feel comfortable, would you mind adding how you know the person."

Well that's smart. I took her clipboard, and wrote down, "Garett L. Keply, and Brian J. McGinley." and hesitantly, I wrote "Friends..."

We were on our way home after a "date". It was our 5th anniversary, our first date was in 2011, and ever since we've been together. We met in college in Pittsburgh and on our first date I took him to a lookout. At first he was confused, but once the sun set and night started to creep in, the city lit up and he loved it.

We both did.

It became our favorite lookout. The way Point Park's fountain stood alone and city hustle continued on behind it was awe inspiring. The night consumed his black stripes and left the rainbow ones glowing along with his orange tiger fur underneath. Our tails locked almost instinctively. We went there ever since.

That night we went back up to that same spot, the one we'd been going to for the past five years.

Only that night I had something else planned.

I took his hands and looked in his deep green eyes like it was the first time I'd ever seen them. I stared far longer than I usually do.

"I love you, you know that right?" He asked.

"Yeah, how much do you think I love you?" I asked playfully, knowing full well what's going to happen next.

"Depends." He grinned. We always joke like that.

"How about this." I drop to a knee and pull a small black box from my jacket, and his grin widened into a smile.

"Brian, Will you marry me?"

We took a picture with us and our rings. I decided we'll hang it up on the wall whenever we get it printed. He was doing something to it as we drove home, probably applying filters.

"At least keep one unfiltered babe. That was a good picture."

"I will, I will." He assured.

The rest of the ride was a blur.

I decided to scratch out "Friends" and instead write "... Boyfriends / Engaged" at the last second and handed my notes back to the doctor. Refusing to be ashamed of myself.

The doctor took my notes and put a paw over her mouth in shock, and from the corner of my eye I see a gurney. Five doctors crowding it as it's being rushed into an operating room.

And from the sheets, I spot a rainbow.

Dyed onto tiger stripes.

I hear a constant ear splitting alarm as my heart sinks like a stone. I couldn't believe what was happening. I tried to shout his name but all I could muster was distressed airy sounds. Doctors started crowding around me. Unable to speak, my thoughts ran wild.

That can't be him. No,no,no,no,no.

The alarm starts to fade and my vision began to concave.

Please don't let it be him, it can't-

Please...

I passed out again.

O O O

I woke up to nothing but silence. Five doctors standing around, looking at me, Stella included.They were monitoring me. I was able to make out some worlds while I was waking up.

"BP 120 over 80. O2 levels are fine. He'll wake up soon"

My eye twitches open.

"Doctor, he's waking up right now."

Taking a look around I notice that I'm somewhere new. Guess they were able to get me out of the overflow room. Still unable to speak, one of them kindly offered a whiteboard and a marker. I write.

"Is Brian Okay?"

One doctor, a sheep, asks "Brian...?" Suggesting that they need a last name. I write

"McGinley."

They all exchanged looks. Stella stared at me intently.

Another doctor, this one a lion, said, "Patient privacy is a big deal, we can't tell you about Mr. McGinley."

Stella gives him a harsh look, and remarks. "Look at his hand." Obviously referring to my ring.

"Yeah, a lot of the patients have rings," He bellows, "What gives?"

"What gives? Go look at McGinley's ring. They're the exact same. These two are engaged!"

Wow, I didn't know tigers were so keen on detail. Maybe it's just her, I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday.

Well, maybe that's the head injury.

Wait, how does Stella know what his ring looks like?

"I can't look at the kid's ring!"

"Why not!"

There was a beat.

"I don't know where your brother is!"

"You're his surgeon! How do you not know where he is!"

"Because 'Romeo' died 5 hours ago!"

Everyone went drop dead silent. Especially Stella and I, Brian never told me he had a sister, and she sure as heck has never seen me. The lion stood tall. I'm inching closer to tears. Seconds feel like hours. I just can't believe what just happened.

God I hope I'm dreaming.

"He died during surgery, lost too much blood! We didn't even have enough blood to start, but if we waited he would have died anyways. There wasn't enough time, he was a lost cause!"

He immediately regretted saying that. I could tell by the look on his face. I didn't get to see it for very long though. Tears started to swell and eventually I couldn't hold it in anymore.

Please let this be a dream.

"Now then, Stella, I'm sure you must be heartbro-"

"Heartbroken? You think!?" Stella was bawling at this point. "I haven't talked with my brother in five years! And just when I thought I was going to get through to him, you went and let him wither away on some OR table, in this nowhere hospital. With nobody doctors!"

The doctor gave me a look and said "I'm sorry."

I've been crying my heart out for the past ten minutes, thanks for noticing. I thought

With my face buried in my paw, and salty tears burning the wounds between the stitches, I wave my other paw gesturing for everyone to leave.

I raised my head, pointed at Stella and gestured her to stay. Once everyone was gone, I found my pen and wrote.

"I just need some questions answered."

"Okay." she sniffs.

"How long until I can talk?" I wrote, Why'd I ask that first?

"It'll be a few days."

Stella stares, emotionless as I scribble like I was babbling incoherently.

"How did you know about the ring?"

"I saw his post on facebook. I don't know why I didn't immediately recognize you when you came in," She sighed. "Maybe that's just what happens in the hospital. You just forget about everything."

We sat silent. I watched the clock tick by. I closed my eyes hoping that it was all a dream, that the clock would turn back and all this would have never happened. But, when I opened them again, it was just a blink. This is real.

Oh God.

"Brian never told me he had a sister. Why?"

"When we were kids, our parents were absent. They abandoned us because they didn't want kids, and being siblings wasn't helping anything, apparently nobody wants to adopt a package."

I knew about that.

She stared. "We stayed in a foster home in upstate Virginia for the next 14 years. Until we were kicked out. Apparently, our foster parents were "The perfect representation of the Lord" and at 18, they kicked out Brian because, well you know."

"You didn't go with him?"

"Nope. Couldn't leave. Mom wouldn't let me. I was still legally a minor at 15, and she signed me into a perpetual hold for an adoption that didn't exist. For the next three years I was stuck at that foster home, unless of course someone real came in and adopted me. Nobody did. He would try to come back and visit me, but Mom would just say "She doesn't want to talk to a heathen like you, she's a girl of God now." And eventually he started to believe her. Once I got out I tried to talk it out with him, and explain what really happened but he didn't want anything to do with lil' miss God girl."

"Did you try to get a hold of him?"

"Yep. Never returned calls, Emails. The one thing he replied to was a Facebook message, he said "Look, you don't need to lie about your prejudice against me, But when your God doesn't come answering the door, don't' expect me to be next in line. 3 Years and you never wanted to talk." I left a reply, but he never got back. He never let me in about his relationships. But I saw everything he posted."

She paused and bit her lip.

"Recently, I set out to find my birth parents, and I only found dad. Mom died in a car accident a few years ago. I was supposed to to pick up Brian next week and fly out to Seattle to see him."

I remember Brian saying something about that. "He agreed, after all that time pushing you away?"

"Yep, only because He wanted to see someone else in the blood line. I was just a chauffeur. I was hoping that after talking with dad he'd open up some, but now-"

She stopped then began a new thought this time about me.

"You know how much he loved you. Right?" Stella asked.

Silence. If only I knew that this was how he felt about his sister, maybe I could have helped a little.

"Let me read you something, it's a text he sent a friend of mine last week. I had to get some connections to try and keep up on him."

"Don't you think that's a bit stalky?" I wrote. Trying to lighten the mood. He always did what he could to see other happy.

If the people around him were happy, he was happy.

"Well, he was never going to be open to me again, but I still love him."

I stare into the dead wall. Painted the same color as bones, nearing tears again.

"We kissed for the first time last night..."

I remember that. We just got back from classes, spring break had let out, and nobody was in the dorms, so we decided to spend the night alone in the building. We were about to go to sleep when I leaned over and smooched him on the forehead.

"Goodnight." I whispered.

"Goodnight." He kissed me back, this time going for my lips.

"...After we kissed I slept like I never thought I would. It was like every care in the world was gone. I felt liberated. Nobody else made me feel like that, none of my past girlfriends or boyfriends even came close. I think my too-good-to-be-true moments are actually true. I don't want to leave him, Hannah. I know you probably don't want to hear it seeing as you're single, but I think he's the one."

Stella started crying understandably hard, but I couldn't get that night off my mind. It was the first time we'd ever slept together. I don't remember the kiss much but instead I remember waking up.

I remember waking up cradling him in my arms. Feeling his back stop my chest as I breathed in and out softly. It reminded me that I was truly in love. For the first time in my life I was committed to a relationship because I knew it was working.

I remember the whirr of the air conditioner that hung out my window across the room, cooling the air while I was sweating from his heat.

I closed my eyes and hugged Stella. I knew she needed it a lot, more than me. But I needed a hug from him.

We both did.

Most of all, I remember his voice. That tender, "Good Morning," that neither of us will ever get to hear again.

What I would give to have all that back.