Quest for the Wolf's Ass Episode 3
#3 of Quest for the Wolf's Ass
Author's Note: Thanks to all my friends, watchers, and viewers. You guys rock! Inspired by houndlover56's Amazing Race and Gainer's Paradise.
Quest for the Wolf's Ass Episode 3
Previously on Quest, alliances were formed, dividing the house into two teams, The Unfortunate Five and The Four Lucky Bastards. This caused Stash to change up the game and make future challenges team based. The first team challenge was to impress Stash while on a date in a rowboat. The Four Lucky Bastards won the challenge while The Unfortunate Five lost a member (Noel). Who will go on to compete and who will be eliminated next? Find out now on...Quest for the Wolf's Ass.
At the house, The Unfortunate Five, or should we say The Unfortunate Four, are having a team meeting to discuss strategy.
"This is bullshit! Now we only have four people left. Way to go Mac!", Sal said.
"Hey at least Noel picked a worst gift then me. Look, fighting each other will get us nowhere, so we need to focus", Mac said.
"How shall we up our game?", Dieter said.
"We don't know what the next challenge is, but if it involves buying Stash more gifts how about we discuss with each other BEFORE we buy the gifts so we don't have a repeat of last time", Sal said.
"So basically we have no plan", Dieter asked.
"Yes we do it's called 'don't suck'", Sal said.
"We can't 'suck' on a show about sex?", Heissman said, chuckling.
"Smart ass", Sal said.
"Stop it Sal", Mac said
"Ugh, whatever", Sal said.
Meanwhile, The Bastards were having their own team meeting upstairs.
"We may have one, but we can't get too cocky. Teams who do that tend to lose", Oscar said.
"You really know a lot about reality shows, huh?", Melvin said.
"Yep. I watch a ton of them. Speaking of watching, do we have a TV?", Oscar said.
"I haven't seen one", Tommy said.
"Bummer", Oscar said.
"Back to the game. What do you think Stash has planned for us next?", Nick asked.
"No idea. I assume it will be another team challenge, but that's about it. I'm gonna go get a snack. Anyone wanna come with?", Oscar said.
"Not in the mood", Melvin said.
"Same," Nick said.
"Ditto", Tommy said.
Oscar then went downstairs to go get something to eat from the fridge. On the way, he overheard some of The Unfortunate Five's team meeting.
"...And that fatass Oscar and his friends won the challenge how? Seriously, how? I thought with his weight he would've sank the boat", Sal said.
Oscar was about to say something, but he decided to keep his mouth shut.
He continued on to the fridge and found a brownie. Oscar then walked back to his team's room with the brownie.
The next day, the eight contestants gathered in front of Stash to hear the next challenge.
"Good morning you handsome furs, today you start your next challenge. Nick, you impressed me the most last challenge so you get to read the clue", Stash said, handing Nick an envelope. The red fox took the clue and read it aloud.
"'Lookin' Sweet: Each team must make a coat inspired by and or made from sweets. You will all get a half hour and $200 for each team to shop for fabric at Jo-Ann's and deserts from Price Chopper. You will have until tomorrow at noon to complete the challenge.'", Nick read.
The eight contestants then got on the bus heading for the West Side Mall, which actually isn't a mall anymore but just a cluster of shopping centers that aren't connected to each other. The contestants had mixed feelings about this challenge.
"Wow, this is awesome! I love making clothing", Nick said to his teammates.
"But I don't know how to make clothes", Melvin said.
"Yeah me neither", Tommy said.
"It's going to be fine guys, I'll take care of the hard parts", Nick said, confident.
The Unfortunate Five on the other hand, were not as confident.
"Um, I kind of remember how to sew from home ec class", Dieter said.
"This challenge is bullshit. Not even Toner's the Amazing Race would do something this whacky", Sal said.
"Doesn't need to be perfect right? As long as it's better than the other team's coat, we'll be fine", Heissman said.
"You're an idiot", Sal said.
"What the hell is your problem", Heissman said.
"Guys!", Mac said.
Sal and Heissman rolled their eyes and tried to think of ideas for the challenge. At 10 AM, the contestants arrived at the Price Chopper and rushed to find what they needed.
"Melvin, you get some sugar cookies with the yellow icing and sprinkles, Oscar you get the Twizzlers, Tommy you come with me to get the fabric and sewing supplies", Nick said. His team agreed and they put their plan into action. The Unfortunate Five didn't really have a plan.
"So, what are we doing?", Sal said.
"Let's just get some stuff and go. We'll figure it out when we get to the house", Dieter said, panicking.
"Yeah sounds good to me", Heissman said.
"No, no, no! We need a plan!", Sal said
"How about we take some chopped up pineapple and glue it onto some satin", Mac said.
"That's the dumbest idea I have ever heard", Sal said.
"It's also our only one", Mac said.
"You guys are idiots!", Sal said, "We're going to lose again if we don't come up with something good."
"We have an idea, pineapples and satin", Mac said.
"No we are not doing that!", Sal said.
"Yes we are, now get me some pineapples", Mac ordered.
Sal then walked over to the produce section and picked up a pineapple.
"You really like pineapples, don't you Mac? Well how about I shove a pineapple up your ass?!", Sal said.
"Hey, hey let's chill. I got an idea. We take some gum drops and glue them to some fabric like cotton or something and make a suit jacket", Heissman said.
"Sounds good to me", Dieter said.
"You're not as stupid as I thought. Let's do it", Sal said.
"I still think the pineapples are a good idea, but whatever let's do the gum drops", Mac said, disappointed.
The Unfortunate Five then scrambled for their items. When time was up, the contestants hopped on the bus and returned to the house to begin work on their coats. Their workroom was in the basement. It was pretty basic, just a few tables and a couple of sewing machines. Nick, knowing his teammates were inexperienced, took on the tasks of designing and sewing, while having the rest of his team do the simpler stuff like cutting the fabric and gluing on the sugar cookies and Twizzlers. The Bastards worked well together like a well-oiled machine. The Unfortunate Five on the other hand, worked more like a beat up old Chevy with a faulty engine. Heissman was in charge of designing his team's coat because it was his idea and he did alright. Mac did the cutting, which was okay until he cut one of the sleeves too short. Sal...just stood and yelled at them.
"Do it over, Mac!", Sal said.
Mac glared at him, but did as Sal said, making a new sleeve. Once the cutting was done, it was time for the sewing, which Dieter was chosen to do. Unfortunately, he sucked at sewing and stitched everything in wrong. Sal picked up on this quickly and flew into a rage.
"Out of my way idiot!", Sal said, pushing Dieter aside and ripping all the seams so he could resew everything. Sal's job was admirable, but Dieter, determined to redeem himself, kept fighting Sal for control of the sewing machine causing damage to the coat. Mac and Heissman tried to stop the two furs, but it was no use. When the clock struck Midnight, The Bastards were almost done, just a couple more twizzlers and a couple cookies left to glue on. The Unfortunate Five barely had a coat and hadn't even glued the gum drops on yet. Following Project Runway's example, Stash made the contestants go to bed and closed the workshop for the evening.
The next morning, the contestants went back to work. The Bastards finished up first with a lightweight jacket made of purple cotton, covered with sugar cookies with yellow icing and twizzlers connecting to each cookie like a bridge. The Unfortunate Five had a lot more work to do than The Bastards. Their coat was made of plain white cotton and due to the fighting between Sal and Dieter, the fabric had huge tears scattered throughout the garment.
"This is your fault, if you weren't trying to prove yourself, we wouldn't have all of these tears in the fabric!", Sal said.
"Well if you had just let me do it over, we wouldn't have had any problems!", Dieter said.
"Shut up! Now look, I'm tired of hearing you guys arguing. We need to get this done. Look, if we use all the gum drops, we can cover up the tears and Stash will be none the wiser. Let's glue some gum drops people!", Mac said.
The Unfortunate Five, who should really consider a name change, frantically started gluing gum drops onto their shabby coat. What they ended up with was a suit coat with gum drops on it. Once finished all that was left to do was to wait for the fashion show to start. In an effort, to lighten up the tense mood his team was feeling, Heissman decided to ask a silly question, "do you guys think the other team ate some of their sweets?"
"I bet Oscar did, that motherfucker is so fat he would probably crush Stash if he tried to have sex with him", Sal said.
Oscar overheard this, but once again he kept his mouth shut, despite being pissed at Sal. What he didn't know yet was that his other teammates had heard Sal too.
"I hope Stash sends his mean ass home", Nick whispered to Oscar. Oscar's eyes widened at the realization that Nick had overheard Stash. The bear then said to Nick, "me too."
At noon, the contestants gathered in the living room where a mirror was set up near Stash's chair.
"Well boys, let's see how you did", Stash said.
He wore The Bastards' coat first, posing in front of the mirror and analyzing it.
"Fits very well, the pattern is a bit too busy, but over all very well constructed. Good job", Stash said.
Nick was happy, but was concerned about the pattern being too busy. "Oh crap, what if he was looking for something simplistic. I hope I didn't fuck it up for my team", Nick thought, growing nervous.
Stash then wore The Unfortunate Five's Gum Drop suit coat. He posed again in front of the mirror and analyzed the coat.
"Very simple design, but quite good. The construction feels pretty good. Well done", Stash said.
Nick's ears drooped, while Mac's perked up. "I really thought this was going to be a disaster, but I think we're gonna win", Mac said to Sal. Sal smirked embracing the feel of victory. It was a short-lived feeling however because when Stash yawned and stretched his arms, the seams burst and when his arms returned to his sides, the sleeves fell to the ground. Sal's eyes widened with horror. Victory replaced by fear. Fear of elimination.
Stash then looked at The Bastards' coat again and put it on. He stretched his arms in that coat too and noticed that the seams remained intact.
"Bastards, you are the winner of this challenge. Congratulations!", Stash said.
The Bastards high fived each other, smiling with glee. Stash then turned to the Unfortunate Five and said, "what went wrong here? You guys had something good, but then that happened?"
"It's his fault!", Sal and Dieter said while pointing at each other at the same time.
"One at a time boys", Stash said.
"Dieter fucked up and I tried to fix it, but Dieter kept trying to stop me because he wanted to fix it too, which resulted in the coat being torn up a little", Sal said.
"But I'm the one who fucked up, I just wanted to fix my own mistakes!", Dieter said.
"Hmm...well, well. This is going to be a tough elimination. Mac and Heissman, you guys are definitely safe, you can go sit on the couch", Stash said.
Mac and Heissman breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that they were safe.
"Alright, which one of you should I send home? Hmm...", Sal took a minute to think before finally deciding.
"Dieter...I'm sorry but you're out. Goodbye", Stash said.
Dieter's ears pinned down as he packed up and left the house. Outside, he was interviewed by our camera crew.
"Well, if you ask me, I was in the right. It's Sal's fault I'm going home. I just want everyone to know that. Watch out for that guy", Dieter said, before getting into a cab heading for the airport.
And so ends our third episode. Who will get some ass and who will get nothing? Find out next time on...Quest for the Wolf's Ass!