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Psych Self

Dedicated to Jaine, my pet fox. Rest in peace.

It was midnight. I ran down the street, rain pouring against my face. A crack of thunder illuminated the grass I was now running on. Behind me I could hear whoever was trying to catch me. I cut through some small fern -like plants, but in the darkness of night I tripped over the roots of an old tree nearby. Quickly as I could I regained my balance, but the man had caught up to me. Something connected with the back of my head, and pain exploded from the back of my skull, and my vision split as I fell back to the tree roots, crying out. He picked up a lead pipe - it must have been what hit me - and brought it down hard. Although it missed my head this time, I felt something sharp cut through my chest, and mercifully lapsed into unconsciousness as the thick metal almost broke through my skull on a third swing. Blood trickled along the tree I was now slumped on, and the grass below, creating a crimson pool.

I jolted awake, the clock display said 1 AM; I fell back asleep. My biology lesson started in seven hours, after all. I settled back into the dorm bed. An unnatural amount of moonlight shone through the window, making it easier for my auburn and cream furred body to slip back under the covers.

'Get up, you. You're going to be late again.'

I slowly opened my eyes; my roommate stood next to my bed. I brushed my dark brown hair to the side. He was already dressed, somehow. After contemplating whether I should snap at him or just get up.

'For Christs' sake, Mark...'

I managed as I dragged myself to my dresser. I was really getting sick of him waking me up every morning at this hour - 5: 20 - solely because I was late for my Biology lesson once. And that isn't for another two hours and forty minutes today!

'Would it kill you to just leave me the fuck alone in mornings?'

I hardly realized what I was saying, which is unusual for me. Normally I know what I'm doing, but it felt as though I had been hit by something... hard, that is.

By the time I'd got myself into my clothes, which consisted of a black T-shirt, Denim pants and a leather Jacket, I was no longer groggy from the early start, and a hell of a headache had set in. I've been getting them a lot recently, but I can't for the life of me remember when they started. It seemed like weeks since I'd started the course on biology at this university.

'Got another headache?'

Mark commented. He had a sarcastic grin on his face, which usually meant he'd taken something of mine that I'd need. In this case, that would be my aspirin. His grin spread across his face. I walked over and grabbed the collar of his dark blue shirt. Since I've started having nightmares about dying and someone I loved, whose name I forgot, I've been more and more violent towards humans. It's odd, really, when I think about it, but at the same time I feel like all of this is happening because of a human.

'I'm getting sick and tired of this. I swear to god that if you don't give that back I will beat your fucking head in.'

Somehow, I hadn't meant to say that; it just happened. I'm not much of a 'morning's person', as -she- used to say. Then again, the last time I'd done this was yesterday, when I reported him for drug abuse. The receiver of my complaint, who I might add was human, refuted it. He wouldn't even give me a chance to speak. I raised a fist, and believe me; you don't want to be on the receiving end of one of them.

'All right, geez. What put you in such a bad mood?'

He pulled the packet from his pocket and tossed it over to me. I groaned and took out a couple. I gave them a quick check, to make sure Mark hadn't swapped a few of his 'special' tablets in. I have to hand it to him though; he had a knack for that kind of thing. I downed them as fast as I could.

'I'm off. See you later.'

'Good riddance, Mark!'

I yelled after him. I don't know why we were even partnered in a dorm, but I really couldn't care less. I sat down at the foot of my bed while I waited for the aspirin to kick in. The white walls of the dorm seemed to inspire something in me; they made me feel like I was alive, somehow.

Once my headache had cleared up, at least for now, I made my way to a cafe that was run on campus. I walked over to the counter, and ordered some meat pie. I knew who making it, a friend of mine was called Shae, one of the other foxes on campus. When it was served, I unceremoniously lifted it, and bit in. My teeth connected with something hard. I swallowed the mouthful I'd taken, and slowly the filling of the pie slid off of a piece of piping. It was small, to be honest. But it was jagged at the edges and must have cut into the sides of my mouth, because I noticed the tang of blood in my mouth. I wondered why I wasn't feeling anything, and slowly I felt the blood trickling down my throat, and slowly filling my lungs. But I couldn't do anything about it; I was in a trance like state. I lifted myself out of the chair and managed to walk normally to the exit.

I had got out of biology class today; I have always refused to perform a dissection on most animals. It probably sounds odd, considering its biology, but it's really because the last time I saw another human do anything of the sort, it became a brutal affair. Memory of what had happened to -her- quickly returned to my mind. I got to the nearest bin, and threw up. Somehow, everything was looking brighter than normal. I felt like somehow I was being watched. It occurred to me that I Hadn't drunk all day, but I wasn't' thirsty. Regardless, I proceeded to buy a bottle of water on the way to my dorm. I sat down near Shae, who had finished his shift.

'How are things doing?'

I gave him an amused look and took a sip of water. It had been advertised as 'pure spring water' but to me, it tasted as though there had been at least two teaspoons of salt in it. And although I had only drunk a mouthful, it felt almost as if I had downed the entire bottle. I cleared my throat.

'I'm OK, I guess. But some pretty strange stuff has been happening today.'

I flicked my tail onto my lap before one of the humans stepped on it.

'Watch where you're walking, you fuckwit!'

I yelled at the human. He simply lifted a finger at me. Apparently it's a... derogatory gesture to humans. To me, well, it's just a finger.

'Really? I noticed you didn't finish the pie you bought this morning at the cafe.'

'Yeah, it had a bit of torn away pipe in it.'

Shae gave me an odd look.

'Are you sure? When it was picked up it just looked like a regular pie. And besides, I don't screw around like that.'

'Yeah, but I'm sure of it. I cut the inside of my mouth.'

'Look, not to be cynical or anything, but I should probably take a look at it.'

'Sure, go ahead.'

I opened my mouth for him to check. I wish he didn't have to take so long; people give you strange looks when you have a random dental check in the uni campus courtyard. After about a minute or two, he finished his check.

'There aren't any cuts there at all. You sure you're ok? Maybe you should get a-'

'Fuck doctor's appointments.'

I snapped back. I got up and walked off; walking straight through more than a few people.

'Watch it!'

One of the uni groundsmen quickly walked over to me and spun me around. The hawk gave me a venomous glare before attempting to start conversation, at which point I took his hand off of my shoulder, almost unnecessarily breaking it in the process, and I continued.

Several minutes later, I walked up to my dorm, passing a few friends on the way. Just as I was walking through the hall, I was grabbed by a policeman. To be honest, he looked more like a goat; probably because he was. His horns were hardly intimidating compared to quite a lot of things that I've seen, but the firearm he was carrying was no joke. His light grey fleece bobbed up and down slightly as he spoke.

'Fox boy, you're in the same dorm as this boy, correct?'

The Goat pulled out a thumbnail photo of Mark. By the looks of it he was taking drugs again. Knowing him, he was. But it felt like I'd only known him for a few days, but I could have sworn I was on premises for weeks.

'Yep, sadly enough.'

I was suddenly cut off by the goat, and I felt my gut tie up. The look on his face seemed to say I was under arrest for something. I know I'd just been cruel to the last several people I came across, but I couldn't pull the same thing on law enforcers, as much as I wish I could. Well, without being jailed, that is.

'Come with me.'

His reply came out emotionless. I walked down the hall, and most of the humans were laughing to themselves. Something was wrong here, really wrong. And the aspirin I had taken before were starting to wear off. I took a few more out of my pocket. The goat quickly turned and knocked them off of me. He glared at me, which I found rather amusing. I did my best to avoid laughing, but I wasn't going to blindly follow him either. Once we stopped, a group of people congregated around us. Most human; I began to wonder where all the 'anthros were today.

'What the hells' going on, anyway?'

'I'm sorry to say this'

He gave some kind of muffled laugh and continued. The humans around me laughed and jeered. Among them I spotted Mark. I wanted to walk over there and strangle him until he was dead, or beat his head against the wall for the same effect. The goat continued after the laughter subsided.

'You're under arrest for possession of drugs, apparatus used in the creation of said drugs, and firearms.'

I followed him to the patrol car in silence. I felt as though I'd been drugged; I tried to force myself to walk away, but I couldn't for some reason. The trip remained in similar fashion. During the brief ride in the patrol car, I didn't notice anything happen. It just seemed that I had got on, then got straight out again. I didn't even see the goat turn it on. Once we arrived at the station, where I was pushed in, I was greeted harshly by the head of the department, who was to my dismay, a human. I was lead to my cell by the same goat who had taken me to the hell hole I'm in now. Somehow it felt sterile here, but something felt odd about it all.

After I had sat myself down, waiting for something to happen, I felt as though one of my lungs had been filled with water. My mouth was bleeding again. I tried to get some air into my system, and I found myself coughing up blood. Somehow, I felt like my ribcage had broken, and slowly they seemed to draw themselves out of my lung. I felt a needle stab into my left forepaw, but nothing was there when I looked. There was still pool of blood on the floor from when I had been coughing it up, but that somehow sank into the floor like it would the earth. After a few more seconds, I passed out.

Later that night...

I woke up in a small field. Something seemed surreal about it; the grass felt more like a carpeted floor. But -she- was also there. I opened my muzzle to say something to her, but I couldn't speak. She was speaking to me, I couldn't hear her though. After a brief few seconds, suddenly I was on a curb of a busy street just like I was on several years ago. I stood up and began walking back home, passing the park. As I was approaching home though, I saw something on the other side of a large tree. It was trembling, and tried to get away. A voice called out, distinctly female.

'Help me, please!'

I suddenly found myself next to her, but I had been too late; the front of her skull had been bashed in, one side of her face had been mauled off by something. I looked around desperately; trying to find some way of escaping from that day all those years ago. Somehow the mutilated carcass moved, and gave a breathless comment, while looking me straight in the eyes. One of them had been gouged out; the other was cut in several places. I quickly realized one of her ears had been torn off.

'You should have been here too, Shirai. Otherwise this never would have happened.'

My vision began to blur slightly, and I felt dizzy. Was Shirai my name? Why can't I remember hers? The blur slowly faded to black, and I suddenly screamed out.

'I didn't know you were going to leave!'

I felt sick again, and the corpse raised up an arm, which moved at the exact distance it would have been brushing over my muzzle if there was a hand.

'I don't think I'll ever see you again, either.'

The corpse whispered.

Somehow I had blurred into reality, I had no idea of where I was. Once my vision had finally focused properly, I could tell I wasn't in jail. Something sharp and long was stuck in the back of my left forepaw. I slowly moved my head from side to side, to survey my surroundings.

'Here, let me get that for you.'

That same voice I heard in my dream last night. The same person who had been killed... was now right in front of me, alive. She pulled a long needle out, and put it aside. The white surroundings I was in now, though...

'You're finally awake...'

She said. Her fur was a lighter shade of auburn, and had chestnut fur where mine was cream. My head wasn't thinking straight yet, so I waited for a few seconds before I did anything else. My head spun a little, but I didn't mind. 'The doctors who first attended you said you'd never wake up, and then a few days ago you almost died again.' A tear rolled down the side of her muzzle. Somehow I managed to sit upright, despite my head spinning. I held out my arms, and pulled her towards me as close as I could for an embrace. I felt like I was in another dream, and she was almost hysterical now, but she continued speaking anyway.

'When you were attacked by that man at the park... there was so much blood. I had to call for help just to get you to the hospital intact! I'm... I'm sorry!'

I looked her straight in the eyes, in a way that I felt like I always did. After a few minutes of just looking into her brilliant emerald green eyes, I finally worked up the courage to kiss her. She blushed slightly, and she stopped crying for a second. She opened her jaw and before I knew what I was doing we were making out on the hospital bed, and my memory came flooding back.

I remembered why I had been walking alone in the park, I remembered that she had never wanted me to leave, and that finally waking up had made her happy again. And, I finally remembered her name. I broke the kiss to speak, and she was smiling.

'Well, Jaine, I'm awake now. It's time for us to check out of this place, and make our way home'

'But... you said that-'

I stopped her from finishing the sentence by putting a finger against her muzzle.

'Whatever happened, I don't want to remember it.'

-end...?

Notes:

And... I'm aware that in most countries, keeping a fox as a pet would be Illegal. I just didn't want to make it move, and besides, I love foxes.

Some of the 'dreams' I have over the course of this short story are based on my own dreams. (yep, I've had talking corpses in my dreams. )

Sorry for editing this so damn much, I swear to god I won't anymore.