Jen

Story by Syndel on SoFurry

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I'm really tired of trying to write happy things that I'm proud of, and no one seemed to like it when I did, so here's something a little bit more heartfelt and out there. I trust it will be not as good, and not what is expected.


Jenny was a quiet wolf in quiet clothes in a quiet room listening to quiet music from her quiet speakers, and that's all anyone could see. She stared into corners and up walls and into ceilings and past all of these unseeing. Her door was closed and her mind was elsewhere, gathering stardust, and walking on cloud.

Her parents worried about her, in their detached sort of way, checking she was okay, wondering why she did the things she did, why she thought the way she thought and why she never talked to them, or anyone else, aside from Luke. Was she ill? they wondered, was it a phase? She wouldn't tell them, she couldn't tell them.

Tonight, Jenny walks on embers on a forgotten stretch of earth, some realm otherwise, the thread of the song guiding her steps. As the sun sets so do the stars, and fire burns down to ash, crumbling beneath her paws. "Feeling the beat of my heart," she whispers to the dark, "Feeling the beat of my heart every day." She raises a paw, "I remember the stars, I remember the way they danced for my eyes." She stepped forwards into rubble which grew around her, buildings which had always been, but had long since faded in glory, appeared before her eyes from the earth. "I built my kingdom from dirt, and to dirt it will all fade," she continued, "Felt the beat of my heart, the sound of my feet as I walked on my way."

"Jenny," he said. She hadn't heard him come in, and opened her eyes back to the world, making out some distant, unreal melding between the things she saw and the things that were, the reality crashing into her daydream.

"Luke," she said, her tone cold, or neutral. "I remember the heat of your arms, they way they sank as you dragged them away," she said.

"Where are you, Jenny?"

"I'm away in the stars, feet on a stone as I float through the days,"

He nodded and closed the door, and suddenly he became fuzzy too, unclear around the edges, his mousey whiskers flickering in the dark. The world turned again and she blinked into a garden, long untended but with the remains of cultivated civilisation, a bird-bath in stone, and arches along which the vines grew wild. She curled her toes in the grass, thin and reedy, tickling her toes. She smiled.

"Are you coming back anytime soon?" his voice said, and she turned to see him there, suited like a perfect gentleman, but his coat was dark red, the colour of blood, and his smile wasn't real, she knew. It fit his face like a mask, not quite reaching his cheeks how you would expect, and hanging forwards off his face.

She grinned. "It takes more than a pretty face to wake me, prince charming. I feel the pull of the stars, the wake of the ocean tears me away. Remember the heat of a sun, wrapping embrace of the flares of an age."

He shook his head. "What if I wanted you back?"

And the world turned again, this time the ground was cool, purple polished stone, like standing on a marble floor, with darker and lighter strata zigzagging away in all directions. The arches remained, but were much further distant, their peaks stretching high up into the air, and all else was dark apart from Luke. She walked towards him.

"See my love is no formal position, see my love is just cold repetition, re-done," she sang, reaching out to stroke his hair. "See my love is no formal position, see my love is just cold repetition re-done."

He closed his eyes, she thought, to her touch. She could never quite tell, but that was fine with her. "You see that I'm losing the heart, you see that I'm losing more heart every day," she continued. "I remember the heat at the start, then the sound of your feet as you walked on your way," and with that all went dark. It was a while before she realized she had her eyes closed.

"My little blue," he whispered into her hair. He was there for a moment, not at all fuzzy around the edges, and so much so she could not tell if he was real or not, "What will become of you?"

She fell into his arms, and the stars swam above her, flickering briefly before blending into dark. The ceiling found it's way slowly to her eyes, coming from far away.

"You're crying," he said, after he kissed her. She didn't remember the kiss, but she was sure it had happened.

"You're taking me back," she noted. The music had dropped to a steady beat in the background. She barely had to whisper to be heard. He had silenced her dream.

"You... Can't live like this, Jen," she heard him say. He was choosing his words carefully. He was trying to manipulate her. She was back in the bedroom, the sun barely shimmering as it made it's way through the tilted blinds of her window, almost set.

"I don't understand how you can live like this," she said, choking back her longing. She was angry, but she wouldn't show it. Not to him.

"Live... in the real world?"

"Yes," she said, and what followed was a pause. She wanted her music back, her skin felt prickly under his paws, and where he had kissed her burned, the sensation sharp and acrid. "It's awful."

He smirked, and this time he sang too, "You see my love is no formal position," he looked into her eyes, and for a moment he was a dragon, and then a knight, and then a mage, wizened at a glance. "You see my love is just warm repetition re-done,"

She shook her head, "That's not the words,"

"Yes, they are," he said, placing a hand on her chest. His hand was warm, and through it she knew he could feel her heartbeat. She could hear her own heartbeat. She was amazed by the idea that not everyone in the town could hear her heartbeat. It thumped.

"Famine, war, corruption... Mistakes and murders," she said, her eyes narrowing. "You bring me back to this... This..."

"This ugly mess of humanity," he supplied. "I do."

"Why? Why would you think this is something I want?" she cried.

"Because," he said, squeezing her lightly, "In all my dreams I never found one quite as beautiful as you."

And he wished he could go with her, and she didn't want to stay.