Little Red Shaman Squirrel

Story by ShamanSquirrel on SoFurry

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#26 of Shaman Squirrel Chronicles

I had a little fun with this one. This is a Shaman Squirrel version of Little Red Riding Hood.

This takes place in 1540, which is 27 years after "How to Please Your Dragoness," and 81 years before "Fengle, the Shaman Squirrel." Tassa will one day become the mother of Tass and grandmother of Fengle.


Tassa was a 13-year old female squirrel who was being trained in the Shaman Squirrel ways by her 43-year old father Jukrit. She lived with Jukrit and his wife, a 405-year old Cygnan Mammalian Dragon named Noraxia who stayed outside due to her large size.

Tassa came back into the cottage after collecting some herbs and roots. "Hey, daddy," she said. "Some of these plants look rather weird. Can you tell me what they are?"

Jukrit inspected the herbs. "I'm no expert. They are some strange ones you got there. Grandma Vev knows more about herbs than I do." Jukrit's mother Veverka was often called Grandma Vev by Tassa. Jukrit grabbed a basket. "Here, put those herbs in this, and I got some of her favorite fruits and nuts in there too. I'd like you to deliver these to her."

"I don't know where Grandma Vev's house is," said Tassa. "I don't even remember what she looks like."

"Her house is down the east path, until you get to the bridge that crosses Pica River," said Jukrit. "Then continue on through the Nowshoy Woods for about an hour and you can't miss it."

"Over the river and through the woods, got it," said Tassa. "Now, why can't you go with me?" asked Tassa.

"Part of your Shaman Squirrel training is to learn to do things all by yourself," said Jukrit. "Here, wear this wristband." He gave her a communication band to put on her wrist. "Just call me if there's trouble."

It was a little chilly outside, so Tassa grabbed her favorite red hooded coat and went outside to the path. She admired the various strange plant and animal life as usual when outdoors. It was a short path to the bridge that crosses the Pica River; getting there took about ten minutes. The mostly wooden bridge was sturdy and well built. Nobody knows who built the bridge, but it was at least one thousand years old and had been used by weary travelers and hikers for centuries. Tassa stopped in the middle of the bridge to look at the Pica River which flowed north to south. It was a peaceful scene; birds and shmirds (alien "birds") fluttered around and the water below was rippling calmly. The trees on both sides of the river appeared to wave at Tassa in a friendly manner. She continued walking on to the other side of the bridge, and into Nowshoy Woods.

About a half hour walking, Tassa had a feeling she was being watched. "Hello?" she asked. But there was no answer. She kept walking, but was more wary of her surroundings. She continued to be convinced that someone was watching her for another half hour, until finally she saw the cottage. "This has to be Grandma Vev's," she said to herself. She knocked on the door. There was no answer. Tassa thought that maybe her grandma would have a surprise for her, so she went inside. "Grandma, are you there?" she asked.

"I'm in my bed, sweetie!" came the reply. The answer came from a bedroom with a door ajar. Tassa slowly went inside to see someone resting in the bed.

"Oh, hi Grandma Vev!" Tassa said. "I got you something."

"Thanks dear," said the person on her bed. "Just put it on the table for now."

Tassa put the basket on the table. She looked closer at the person resting. "Wait, I think your eyes are a little small to be a squirrel," said Tassa.

"I don't need very big eyes to see my favorite granddaughter."

"And your snout seems a little long to be a squirrel," said Tassa.

"It just helps me smell the goodies in your basket a little better."

"Wait, this must be the surprise," said Tassa. "I had no idea you were a wolf! That means I'm part wolf too!"

"Smart girl," said the person on the bed. "But you're not part wolf because I'm not really your grandma."

"Oh, no, then where's my grandma?" asked Tassa.

"Relax, she's fine," said the wolf. "My name is Bigelow Badminton Wolf. But everyone calls me Teasport for some odd reason."

Tassa heard a toilet flush, and out of a small bathroom came the older squirrel, her 70-year old grandma Veverka. "There you are, you must be Tassa," she said. "I've been expecting you. I trust you met my friend Teasport? Don't be alarmed by him. He just needed a place to stay for the night. He's quite the trickster, now aren't you Teasport?"

"Yep, I sure am," said Teasport. "Almost had her convinced I was you."

Veverka giggled briefly. "Maybe your trickery can come in handy," she said. "There is a more serious matter to discuss. Jukrit already knows."

"What is it?" asked Tassa.

"Tell her, Teasport," said Veverka.

"There is a cyborg lumberjack on the loose here in Nowshoy Woods," said Teasport. "He is part of an organization that wants to destroy our beautiful forest and develop it into a polluted ghetto." He paused, and looked angry. "That lumberjack destroyed my home, which is why I'm staying here."

"Oh, no," said Tassa, unsure what a cyborg or a ghetto was, but it sounded bad to her.

"Cyborg lumberjacks cannot be allowed in these woods or anywhere on the planet Silvania," said Veverka. "They're completely relentless. Nature's beauty is totally lost on them." She looked at the basket. "Now to see what you've brought me." Veverka opened the basket, looking at the various roots, herbs, and strange leaves inside. She picked up a leaf made of 7 leaflets. "This is something you shouldn't touch," said Veverka. "It's called marijuana."

"Wait, did you say marijuana?" asked Teasport. "Is it alright if I take that?"

"Sure, just smoke it outside," said Veverka.

Teasport took the weed, and found a small piece of paper. Then he rolled the pot into the paper, and went outside. He had a crude lighter which he used to light the marijuana joint. Then, Teasport started huffing and puffing at his pot joint. "Man, this is some really good weed," he said to himself. "Tassa needs to tell me where she found it."

After a few good minutes, Teasport was too high to notice who was watching him. The watcher came closer and said in a flat monotone voice, "These woodlands will be developed. Resistance is useless!"

"Whoa, man, who said that?" asked Teasport.

It was the cyborg lumberjack. He looked like a man, but had circuits on his head, with a robotic eyepiece on his right eye. He wore a red flannel shirt, jeans, and boots. In place of his right arm was a chain saw, and the other arm was an ax. "Must destroy the trees!" the cybernetic lumberjack chanted.

Teasport got closer to the lumberjack and blew a big, long puff of pot smoke into the his face. "Want some?" he said.

"Recreational drugs are irrelevant," said the lumberjack. "Must destroy the forest! Must... destroy... the... forest..." he said, decreasing in tone and volume. Then he collapsed, and circuits were cracking, snapping, and sparks flew out of him.

"Whoa, he's really stoned now," said Teasport.

Veverka stepped out. "I heard something," she said. Then she looked down at the convulsing cyborg. "What did you do, Teasport? I must thank you profusely whatever it was."

"I was just smoking weed, then he got close and passed out," said Teasport.

Veverka thought for a moment. "That's it! Marijuana must have a deadly effect on cyborg lumberjacks. I'll let my son Jukrit know."

Meanwhile, Jukrit was busy having relations with Noraxia. His hands were on her massive rump as he was thrusting his hard member in and out of her. Despite her being roughly 30 times his size, they have managed a relationship for about 25 years. Then there was a buzz on his wristband. "Not now," he said. "Honey, I'll get back to you," he said to Noraxia. "I have a feeling this is important."

"Yes mom?" he said. "I'm kind of busy with Noraxia."

"You always are," said Veverka, aware of her son's relation with the huge mammalian dragoness. "There's a pressing matter. You know there's marijuana growing around your cottage, right?"

"Oh, you must have seen it in the basket," said Jukrit. "That's okay, right?"

"It will be very okay pretty soon," said Veverka. "We are going to need to light large amounts of it."

"Are you having a big party, mother?" Jukrit asked.

Veverka chuckled. "No, this is not that kind of pressing matter," she said. "The cyborg lumberjacks are coming to destroy Nowshoy Woods."

"Oh, no!" Jukrit said. "But why are we gonna need marijuana?"

"Well, a small amount of it just killed one," said Veverka. "You know that wolf that was visiting me?"

"Oh, the one who got his home destroyed by those bionic zombies with axes?" asked Jukrit.

"That's the wolf," said Veverka. "We're all going to need to come to your cottage to gather as much marijuana as we can find."

"Okay, thanks for letting me know I'll be expecting others," said Jukrit, closing the communication. "Now to finish what I was doing."

Noraxia was still on her side, and she raised her tail to allow Jukrit back on. Jukrit continued mating with his large, majestic lover. He knew he had to complete soon, with company coming. "Ohhh, Noraxia," said Jukrit as he released his seed into her, spurt after spurt. Noraxia responded by moaning lightly and closing her eyes.

Jukrit put his clothes back on. "Now to find some marijuana," he said to himself. He wasn't sure how his daughter found the weed, but he knew he had to look for some. He walked down a path behind the cottage for a few minutes until the plant with the familiar leaves was spotted. "Aha!" he said. He began pulling out as much of the plant as he could, and put it in a burlap sack. He had so much fun picking the marijuana plants, that he wasn't aware of the passage of time.

Veverka, Tassa, and Teasport were already near Jukrit's cottage. "There you are, son," said Veverka. The four of them split in different directions in order to maximize marijuana collection. After a couple hours, they must have collected a ton of weed. They put it in a clearing far enough from trees as to not start a forest fire.

"Now we play the waiting game," said Jukrit.

A few hours had passed. Tassa pointed to the sky. "Look, Cygnagons! I think one of them is Zara!" Zara is the mother of Noraxia.

"Looks like Zara knew of the invasion as well, and warned all her friends and relatives," said Veverka.

Jukrit looked up to see several Cygnagons flying in the air. Most of them were large females.

Teasport carried a pair of binoculars, and used them. "Looks like they're carrying something. Boulders, I think!"

Sooner than they could blink, five large ships approached from overhead. "Here they are," said Jukrit. "The Cyborg Lumberjack ships!"

"Look what the Cygnagons are doing!" The Cygnagons were throwing boulders at the invading ships. They were also dodging weapons fire from the ships.

Soon, there were hundreds of Cygnagons dropping boulders on the ships. Several came crashing down, and the three squirrels and wolf backed up to avoid being hit by debris. One flaming piece of debris landed on the marijuana pile, lighting it up. Already, dozens of cyborg lumberjacks were on the ground, trying to recover from their crashed ships, until the pot smoke got to them. They all stumbled and were disabled.

Within minutes, all the Cyborg Lumberjack ships had crashed, with no survivors.

"We did it!" said Tassa. "The forest is saved!"

"They did it too," said Jukrit, pointing to the Cygnagons. "I don't think our plan ever would have succeeded without Zara and her friends."

"Well, looks like now we'll just have a temporary problem," said Veverka. "I'm feeling a little high from the weed smoke everywhere now."

"Our problems are really over now," said Teasport.

"Awesome," said Jukrit. "Let's go home now."

***

57 years later (year: 4597)...

Tassa, at age 70, was now a grandmother herself. She closed the book she was reading to her 8-year old grandson Fengle.

"So that's how I helped defeat those evil cyborg lumberjacks," Tassa said.

"Are they ever coming back?" asked Fengle.

"No, don't worry," said Tassa. "They're gone forever. Just go to sleep." Tassa kissed her grandson goodnight.