The Raven Lady
Let me start by explaining something. The Raven Lady has been appearing in my dreams quite periodically for as far back as I can remember. At first I wasn't sure what to make of her, she always showed up during times of stress or for when I wasn't clear on what to do. It took me awhile, but with some research I found that the Raven Lady is a manifestation of my sense of reason, and often times is mixed with my conscience. Most times Raven (as I have come to call her) appears to me as a pale skinned raven haired woman, slim build with very plain features...I would almost say androgynous in her looks but clearly feminine by tone of voice, which carries a song like tone to it. She tends to dress in white to off white. She used to often wear a white gown but has switched to more conventional clothing. Jeans and a tank...still both white though. Her hair, being the raven black it is, stands out amongst all the white and is why I refer to her as "Raven Lady."
Recently though, Raven has done something completely different and for all I can tell not completely of my control. She's changed her features. She appeared to me recently when my RL mate decided she needed to move back to Canada and that we would be separated for one year. She (Raven not my mate) appeared to me as an anthropomorphic Siamese cat, wearing a blue parka and a pair of lined winter jeans. That's where this story starts...it was quite vivid. Not sexually...this is perhaps the first story I've written since I was 14 that didn't involve sex. Though I have come to accept that I do love Raven I have found that she is the one entity in all of Creation that I simply can not fantasize about (I've tried...believe me...). I know its really short, but for some odd reason I felt like sharing My story is as follows...
It started with a dream, as it all ways does. She has a tendency to do that. She lets me get comfortable in a placid calm state of thought. Almost lucid, like I know I'm asleep but it doesn't feel like it. That's when she tends to make her less then dramatic appearance...at least normally. Tonight wasn't normal for either of us. I'm not too shaken by it, I had been making the recommendation for awhile now...it was just...out of left field you know? My girl friend had told me she had decided to move back to Canada due to her deteriorating health and the fact that she cant legally get health insurance here in the States. When I went to sleep that night though I did so with a heavy weight on my heart...I knew Raven would be along soon enough to help me sort it out.
I dreamed of a snowy field light by a pale light, one that seemed to emanate form the air itself. It was dark out, so it made the white seem like a frost blue. A very calming color to me. I find it amazing how the mind does that, it can create such beautiful things. Raven perhaps was the most beautiful thing my mind ever created despite her plane features. It was...and I know I'm stretching it, her heart that was so beautiful. She was never angry, never said. She always smiles, always radiated a sense of assurance. To nite though was only slightly different. In the field it had started snowing. She made her self known in perhaps the most unusual way for her...with a snowball to the back of my head.
"Why the long face...its not forever" She giggled as I turned around, rubbing the back of my head. It wasn't her comment that threw me off, she always knew what I was thinking...she is me after all. It was her actions and appearance. She's normally not so...flirty...or...individualistic. Tonight though she was very bouncy and bubbly...and had taken the appearance of a white anthropomorphic Siamese feline. She didn't where the usual white but was instead wearing a pair of black snow boots, insulated snow jeans, and a light blue parka. Her hair was usually shoulder length and loose was only half that, and pulled back into a pony tail. She was really quite stunning, especially with the smile she wore. It was bright, made her glow. I smiled back and rubbed the back of my head where she hit.
"I Know" I responded to her softly, a half smile on my face. I tried to look reassuring but I knew I had failed. I knew she knew. She bounced on her heals with her hand...paws? Behind her back, just smiling. She wasn't like normal. She must have really been trying to cheer me up.
"If you know, then why are you so down?" She asked as she knelt know, rolling another ball of powder between her palms, packing it down tight and tossing it up in the air to catch it in her hands. "Its not like you Esichs (I'm not going to be using my real name), not becoming of you. You know its not for ever, and you know every thing will work-"
I knew with her around eventually I would slip into the darkness of deep sleep with a smile on my face. I took the initiative of beaning her right in the face with a loosely packed slush ball I had rolled while she was distracted giving one of her 'be happy' speeches. About the only thing that annoyed me about her were those. I chuckled lightly as she brushed the slush and snow form her snout. She fixed those bright blue eyes on me and let out a very real sounding hiss and, quite to my surprise, pounced on me. As I have explained before Raven is normally very reserved, I'm not used to nor expecting this kind of behavior from her. Suffice to say she caut me off guard and plowed me into the snow. In the true fashion of dreams, before I even hit the ground I could tell my dream was changing. To prove it, the snow that flew up aroudn us changed to water. The cold was replaced by a tropical warmth, and the serene quite turned to the sound of gentle waves. Soft cawing of seagulls over head told me we had been taken to the Lagoon. The field was new but the lagoon is a common place for me to relax in my lucid states. The place my mind goes when I meditate. The Lagoon is the picturesque perfection of ones look at a tropical paradise. A sandy inlet surrounded by thick shady palms, emerald green water that mixed with a deep blue and swirled about in the shallows. The sky our past the palms was a beautiful light blue and dotted with clouds and the occasional swooping W as gulls flew in and out of few to the beach to pick on the little grabs that scuttled about the warm sands.
I could still feel her weight on top of me. She nuzzled into my chest, a very feline gesture...I think she's like this because more and more of my subconscious is taking on the characteristics of my chosen fursona (tiger...feline if you haven't figured it out completely). I've stopped trying to explain her though. Aside from being my sense of reason and conscience rolled into one, Raven is Raven...I honestly don't know what other part of my mind controls her. When she leaned up I noticed she had changed clothing to suite the setting. A two piece light blue bathing suite. Simple, no thong, and nothing revealing beyond belly and legs. She was still quite attractive though. (Let me ask something aside...have you ever had a thought of some one you felt was drop dead gorgeous...but just couldn't fantasize you having sex with them no matter what?) She sat back, leaning in the water and looking at me with a soft expression. I think she was satisfied now because she didn't repeat her self while I looked around.
"I'm going to be falling completely asleep soon, huh?" She nodded. When I dream about the lagoon it means my REM is about to end and I'm going to be entering my deep sleep soon. "Thank" I continued. She wasn't really needed, but not unwanted. I always enjoy her company. Just being around her makes me smile. There is an expression for it...I forget whats its called but its when you want something you know you could never have. Literally never have, as in its an impossibility because it doesn't really exist. At the very least though...if I go into a coma for some reason I at least know Raven will be there to keep my company.
"You're still a child though, Esichs" She said to me with the serious expression I'm used to. I nodded in turn. I knew. In my mind I don't think I'll ever truly grow up. I think I'll always be a 13 year old child. "I'm glad to see you're getting along with out me though." The smile returned. When she smiled, I smiled, and the world around me...just seemed to freeze before I could no longer recall any thing other then a fuzzy darkness before waking up.