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Chapter 25: What Avi Wants

After reconciling with Avi the night before, Kilyan was very light-hearted the next morning when they set out at last for the sun village. Avi seemed less worried as well, and this was not lost on Ryo, who watched them both suspiciously the entire morning. When the group took a break and Avi went behind a large rock to take a piss, Kilyan looked up to find Ryo suddenly towering over him. He only smiled at her, and she was so startled by this that he burst out laughing.

"What the hell is going on?" Ryo demanded, glowering in such a way that Kilyan should have been shaking in his fur. But he wasn't. Avi loved him, Avi had forgiven him, and nothing else mattered, not even Ryo's anger.

"Did you fuck my Avi?" Ryo demanded. "Did you fuck Ryo wife!"

Kilyan grinned. Ryo suddenly roared and tackled Kilyan to the ground. She grabbed Kilyan by the throat and start slamming him again and again against the hard, rocky earth, her furious roars echoing across the wastelands. Kilyan was slammed so hard that his head snapped back and hit a rock. Red spots danced before his eyes. He went into warrior mode almost instantly: he brought up the heel of his paw and cracked Ryo a good one in the nose. Ryo staggered back dizzily, her eyes crossed. Not wasting a second, Kilyan rose up and gave her a hard backslap across the face. She fell back on her elbow in the dirt, blood dribbling from her nose, and when she looked up, Kilyan was standing over her.

"You would strike Ryo?" Ryo hissed. She shook her head slowly, a dark smile widening behind her bloody nose. "To strike Ryo is to ask for death."

Kilyan went into fighter stance: he spread his legs wide so he wasn't easily tackled, and opening his arms as if he was preparing to lunge, he said darkly, "Then bring it."

They sprang on each other, slamming to the dirt, rolling and snarling and biting, their fangs flashing as well as their tails. Ryo did not hold back now: she punched Kilyan with everything she had -- and everything she had was a punch twice as hard as a male's. Kilyan was soon tasting blood the same as his adversary, but he never once paused in his attack and he gave Ryo punch for punch, bite for bite, and snarl for snarl. It was almost as if Kilyan could not feel pain: he was a relentless, unstoppable force, and Ryo was shocked. So she did something Kilyan had not expected: she started fighting dirty.

Sensing that she was losing despite her super strength, Ryo grabbed Kilyan by the balls and twisted. Kilyan crumpled to his knees. He hunched over and cupped his balls, panting and breathless and spitting out blood as Ryo stood over him in triumph.

"Now Kilyan taste death," Ryo whispered over him, "as he should have when he abandoned Avi!"

Kilyan looked up slowly: Ryo was lifting a huge rock.

"Ryo tried to warn Kilyan: to protect Avi is Ryo lifelong vow. But Ryo must not only protect Avi body: Ryo must protect Avi heart too, the most precious thing in the world to Ryo!"

So saying, Ryo ripped Kilyan's head back by the mane and prepared to dash the rock against his skull.

"You would kill me?" Kilyan hissed, his teeth stained with blood. "I'm Wynn's father! What are you going to tell her?"

Ryo smiled. "That we never found you. That Avi made you up. That Wynn really belongs to Ryo."

"And you wish that, don't you?" mocked Kilyan.

"Shut up!" Ryo roared with a trembling lip.

"Don't you? That Wynn was yours? But you could never give Avi a pup. I guess you weren't shemale enough --"

"RYO SAID SHUT UP!"

Ryo gave Kilyan a backhanded blow that landed him on his back. He felt the heavy press of Ryo's foot on his throat, making him choke, slowly cutting off air, when Avi's voice -- thank god! -- rang out across the wastelands.

"RYO! GET OFF KILYAN -- NOW!"

A shadow blocked out the sun, the sudden rustle of feathers, and then a very furious Avi came gliding low across the ground. She tackled Ryo down as easily as if the huge shemale could have been a pup. Kilyan sat up and dragged the blood from his nose with his wrist. He could see Ryo coughing on her back in the dirt. Avi hovered over her on silver wings, her paws on her hips, glaring down at her wife. But she turned and glared at Kilyan as well. Kilyan stared at his legs. He and Ryo were suddenly like abashed pups under the smoldering rage of the little queen.

"What the hell," demanded Avi, her paws on his hips, "has gotten into you two?"

Ryo glared up at Avi and rattled something off in the shemale tongue. It sounded pretty accusatory to Kilyan, and he couldn't believe the sheer disrespect that Ryo -- usually so humble and loyal -- was showing her wife and queen. But Kilyan supposed he couldn't blame her for her anger and hurt: Avi had betrayed her with an ex-lover. It didn't justify the fact, however, that she had just attempted to kill him! First she had raped him, now she had attempted to take his life! Suddenly sick of it all, Kilyan blurted out,

"I'm not traveling with that monster anymore, Avi! It's me or Ryo! I mean it! I fucking mean it!"

Ryo glared at Kilyan, and rattling something off in the shemale tongue again, she hurled a rock at him. She shouted something else as Kilyan blocked the stone with his arm, and he knew she had called him some obscene name.

"Bitch!" Kilyan shouted back, and with her nostrils flaring, Ryo shouted another name.

"Shut up, both of you!" Avi shouted, her little paws on the sides of her head.

Seeing her so distressed, Kilyan and Ryo anxiously fell silent. They watched as the little queen lowered herself to her feet and closed her wings behind her. Her face was twisted with misery and anger, but there was something thoughtful about her expression as well. She folded her arms and looked back and forth between the pair of them, then she heaved a breath and spoke:

"We can not continue this way. It is true, Ryo," she said, looking at her wife, "Avi slept with Kilyan. But Kilyan did not approach Avi first! Kilyan has not betrayed Ryo trust! Avi woke Kilyan last night, wanting his comfort. And, Avi confess, wanting his love. We made love, Ryo, because we are in love. Avi sorry if she hurt you, sorry if she betrayed you, but Avi can not deny her feelings. Neither can Kilyan. So Avi has come to a decision."

Kilyan and Ryo waited, watching Avi on tenterhooks.

"Avi will continue this journey alone --"

"WHAT!" Kilyan and Ryo shouted in unison.

"Avi, I can't let you go off alone --"

"But Ryo must stay at Avi side, protect her always --"

"Avi must find Wynn!" the queen yelled over them, stamping her little foot. "She must! And she can't do it with the two of you constantly at each other's throats! If you want to fight about Avi, if you two want to sit around fighting about Wynn, then do it. And when you've worked your shit out, Avi will return to you to stay. But right now. . . . all Avi care about is finding her Wynn."

And they watched with their mouths hanging open as Avi, true to her word, unfolded her wings and soared away into the sky.

"This all Kilyan fault," Ryo snarled, dragging herself heavily to her feet. "Stupid, fucking, no-pussy-having freak! Break Avi's heart and then come back to do it again --!"

Kilyan got to his feet as well. "Oh, shut up, Ryo!" he snapped back, his fists clenching. "You know damn-well that you didn't have to attack me --"

"You fucked Ryo wife! What would Kilyan do if some wolf fucked his wife?"

Kilyan was silent, knowing that anyone who touched his Lea or Ohana would not have a head for very long. But he felt as if this was different: he and Avi were in love. And no matter how they strived to repress these emotions, they simply could not. Kilyan suddenly felt ashamed of himself: he was as bad as his teenage sons.

"Look, Ryo, I'm sorry --"

Ryo snorted. "Kilyan isn't sorry. Kilyan was grinning. Kilyan would probably do it again."

Kilyan stood there a moment, not knowing what to say. Ryo was right. He wasn't sorry at all. Ryo had raped him! And as a result, he hadn't given a damn about her feelings if she found out about him being with Avi. If he could have his way, he'd steal Avi from Ryo and never look back. But he saw tears rise to Ryo's eyes, and to his dismay, she sank to her knees in the dirt and sobbed brokenly into her paws. Kilyan approached her, and after standing miserably over her for a long pause, he hesitated but put a comforting paw on her head.

"Ryo always love Avi -- always!" Ryo sobbed into her paws. "Since Ryo and Avi were pups, she has loved the princess! But Avi never return her love. Avi only love Kilyan!"

Kilyan felt a sudden wave of sympathy: he knew what that felt like. How long had it taken Lea to finally love him in return? He could remember so many nights when he had lain awake, a young teenage boy, thinking until his brains hurt of ways to make Lea love him back. But Kilyan was soon to discover that you can't make someone love you. You simply can't. Lea had finally loved Kilyan of her own free will, not because he had stumbled after her and brought her wild flowers everyday of his young life. But what would have happened to him, he wondered, had Lea never loved him at all? He probably would have been lovesick the rest of his life. And watching as Ryo sobbed miserably into her paws, he knew that he understood her feelings better than she would ever guess.

The demand to be loved . . . it was suddenly so presumptuous to him. Wolves needed love, yes. But . . . they didn't always get what they needed. That . . . that was life.

Kilyan shouldered his traveling pack.

"Come on, Ryo," Kilyan said quietly. "On your feet -- come on, now," he gently chided. He helped a still-sobbing Ryo lumber to her feet, and putting her heavy arm around his shoulders, he walked her slowly toward the distant gates of the sun village. His spear was on his other shoulder and Ryo's extra weight made his traveling pack feel heavier than it really was.

Ryo dropped her head against Kilyan's and kept sobbing. "Why Kilyan being so kind? Kilyan should just leave Ryo here to d-die --"

Kilyan rolled his eyes. God, and wolves said he was dramatic. "Oh, shut up, Ryo. It isn't that bad. Avi cares about you! Maybe not in the way that you'd like, but she does. She's going to go back with you to the jungle when all of this is over, she told me so. She's not leaving you for me! She cares a great deal about her tribe. And you as well."

"Avi say these things to Kilyan?"

"She didn't have to say them. You could kinda tell," Kilyan answered with a little smile. He was glad when Ryo laughed.

When they reached the gates of the sun village at last, the sun was high in the sky. Noon. Long shadows reached down from the sloping hill of palm trees and mud-brick huts that comprised the sun village. Kilyan felt his heart warming to hear the distant laughter of little pups as they raced up and down the streets in the heat of the day. A cool breeze rolled off the ocean and ruffled their manes as they came to a stop before the village gates. Two guards were on duty, at least six or seven feet tall. Like winter wolves, sun wolves were usually huge in stature, but unlike winter wolves, their warriors each wore a unique symbol around his neck. And also unlike the winter wolves, a great deal of the sun village population consisted of tail chasers and the females that were like them.

The guards crossed their spears in front of Kilyan and Ryo, barking for them to halt.

"What business have you in the sun village?" demanded one with a serious frown.

"I am a friend of the sorcerer Zaldon," Kilyan announced. "I've come to stay at his home, in the company of his lover, the warrior Julyan."

The guards nodded.

"You may pass," said the other guard, "but the creature may not." He gestured his spear at Ryo, who glowered.

"Why the hell not?" Kilyan demanded.

"Their kind are not allowed here. It can not enter!"

Kilyan stood there seething, reflecting that even tail chasers could be bigots.

"Bisexual trash," added the other guard under his breath and the pair of them glowered.

"Ryo is shemale," Ryo grimly announced, "and proud of it! Pussy-less wolves should only be so lucky."

One of the guards pointed his spear at Ryo with a sudden scowl. "Back, creature! Or I'll make a female outta you!" He gestured the blade of his spear at Ryo's cock.

Ryo cracked her knuckles. "Just try it!"

Ryo and the guards exchanged glares, and sensing a bloody calamity should Ryo unleash her super strength, Kilyan stepped between them.

"Enough! Pull your spears back. We'll leave." Kilyan turned to Ryo and clapped a paw on her shoulder. "Come on, Ryo. Let's go."

The guards hadn't backed down and Ryo didn't look as if she wanted to either, but she nodded grimly and turned away with Kilyan. They heard rocks tumbling across the dirt in their wake, and turning to peer back through the hail and sudden rise of dust, they saw children standing on the village wall, hurling rocks down at them. Kilyan and Ryo hurried out of range, cursing and grumbling under their breath when a rock hit home and the pups cheered. The children leapt up and down swishing their tails, waving in triumph at the sky, and they even started singing:

"BYE-BYE, BI-BI! GO SOMEWHERE AND DIE-DIE!"

Kilyan ground his teeth as they kept walking. Ryo noticed this and lifted her eyebrows.

"Kilyan so angry," she said in amazement. "Kilyan stood up for Ryo, stayed with her when he could have gone in, and yet Kilyan not shemale! Why should Kilyan care?" She sounded thoroughly confused.

"Hate and ignorance anger me," Kilyan answered her, his fist tight on his spear. "And that's what those wolves just gave to us: hate and ignorance."

Kilyan didn't see it, but Ryo smiled at him fondly. She had never thought in a million years that a wolf like Kilyan -- that is, a non-shemale -- would ever see things from her perspective, would have taken up for her, would ever show such tolerance. And more than that: Kilyan wasn't tolerating something he did not like. Kilyan didn't have a problem with wolves that were different from him at all. Kilyan was, in fact, a rare wolf in a world of hypocrisy.

"So what will we do?" Ryo wondered aloud. "We were supposed to cross sea on ship. Can't now."

Kilyan smiled sideways at Ryo. "Who says we can't?"

Ryo stared at him.

"The harbor, Ryo! It's not blocked off by the village wall. All I have to do is stroll down there and find Julyan's sister Ceara. She's in the fishing biz. She'll lend us a boat. We can steal away at night, cross the sea. I know how to get there. I've been before. Remember?"

"What was Kilyan doing across the sea, though," Ryo asked, "if Kilyan from summer village?"

"It's a long story," said Kilyan with a laugh. "Maybe some night when we're drifting along, I'll tell you."

That night, just as Kilyan said, they found themselves setting out in a little fishing boat.

Kilyan left Ryo that afternoon near the village wall, and going down to the docks, he very easily found Ceara. Ceara was older than her brother Julyan and getting along in years, but she was still very beautiful: her silver fur, her bright eyes that mixed in blue and green swirls like watercolors. Kilyan remembered how, during their brief stay in the sun village when he was sixteen, Lea used to call Julyan's sister Ocean Eyes. He called out the old nickname as he approached, and Ceara, her ears pricking forward at the familiar voice, looked up and grinned to find Kilyan standing there. She asked after Kel and Zaldon and Yuri, and after assuring Kilyan that Julyan was just fine, she gladly offered Kilyan one of her best fishing boats, along with her solemn warning that Kilyan should be careful: the land across the sea was a dangerous place. Kilyan promised to, and that was how he found himself rowing the boat out to sea with Ryo that night.

They paused after some hours of rowing to rest and had supper.

"Ryo have to admit," said the big wolf, gazing across the boat at Kilyan, "that she a little . . . scared. Never been across sea before. Never even left jungle."

Kilyan nodded. "Well, I've been very far from my home, and I'm still scared now."

"Don't worry," Ryo said, smiling at the smaller wolf. "Ryo protect Kilyan. Avi would want that."

They smiled at each other.

"So you care about what Avi wants now?" Kilyan teased, taking a bite of one of the apples Ceara had given him.

Ryo took a bite of her own apple, her dark eyes serious with thought. "Ryo understand now where she was wrong . . . All Avi life, Ryo and Queen Roriana do our best to make sure Avi do what she supposed to do, never what she want. And because of that, Avi was never really happy . . . There were times when Avi even hated jungle. Wanted to leave. But stayed because she felt it her duty. Avi become good queen, loved by all," Ryo said, sitting up straight and proud. "Avi did everything that was expected of her and besides: married Ryo, led shemales well, follow all traditions. But . . . after meeting Kilyan, Ryo finally realize that maybe this time . . . Avi should get what Avi want. Just once."

"That's very big of you," Kilyan said, watching her in slight amazement over his apple. For after all the times Ryo had gone on and on about the shemale traditions and what it meant to be queen, it was almost shocking to hear her say that just once, Avi should get what she wanted, that Avi's happiness came before everything else.

"But you know Avi won't get what she wants, Ryo," Kilyan said. "I already told you: she's going back to the jungle when this is over."

"Kilyan couldn't come back with us?" Ryo asked, tilting her head. "Kilyan could marry Avi now, if he wanted to. Queen Roriana long passed away, died when Wynn was little child. No one could object. And Kilyan could be second wife."

Kilyan smiled at Ryo's words: he would be a wife. "But, Ryo . . . you hate me! You would really invite me into your marriage bed?"

"Ryo don't hate Kilyan, just Avi love for him. And if it would make Avi and Wynn happy, Ryo would invite him into her home, into her family. Besides . . . Ryo wouldn't mind having Kilyan in her bed." She smiled meaningfully at him, and Kilyan nervously cleared his throat.

"But I can't. I have a family. I have wives and sons . . . some time next year I'll probably have another son," Kilyan added, remembering that Lea had more than likely become pregnant from his nightly touch.

"Then Ryo not know what to do," Ryo said miserably. "When this all over, Avi will return to jungle and be just as miserable as before without Kilyan."

"No, she won't," Kilyan said.

He had such a mysterious smile that Ryo narrowed her eyes on him and asked, "What Kilyan mean?"

Kilyan hesitated. Should he really tell Ryo about the secret pup? He suddenly decided that he should: it was worth it if Ryo's mind was put at ease.

"Ryo," Kilyan began with a deep breath, "Avi and I were trying for a second pup."

Ryo stared at Kilyan.

"Avi wanted me to have Wynn -- that way I could have a part of Avi with me always. And in return, I was going to impregnate her. That way, she could have me with her always. We figured if we couldn't be together, we could always have a part of each other, at least.

"And Avi said the two of you need an heir. Since Wynn hates the jungle so much, we figured she could stay with me. Avi has decided to open relations with other villages and try to tone down the ignorance and distrust between the tribes. So by the time El -- the second pup is ready to rule -- the shemales would accept her. What do you think?"

Kilyan waited, wondering if telling Ryo about the secret pup had not been a mistake. Ryo was staring off at the sea, her mouth slightly open. She swallowed miserably and pressed her lips tight together, and Kilyan saw her big paws clench on her knees. She bowed her head, and after a long moment, she spoke.

"Ryo is so useless. Could never give Avi pup . . . Could never give Avi the love she wanted. Avi only care about Kilyan and Kilyan's pup. Ryo do her best to love Wynn, to raise her well. Still, that wasn't enough for Avi or for Wynn. They both just wanted Kilyan." She looked up with a strained sort of expression and said, "Does Kilyan know what that's like? Struggling every single day with entire being to make a wolf see that you exist? That you're standing here and that you love them?"

"Yes," Kilyan said quietly, "I do."

Ryo lifted her eyebrows, surprised. "Kilyan never cease to amaze Ryo," she said, shaking her head. "How can one so beautiful as Kilyan . . . go ignored?"

"Oh, it's possible," Kilyan said with a laugh and took another bite of his apple.

They fell silent. Kilyan ate a hunk of bread and took a swig from his canteen. Ryo finished off her apple and hurled the core into the sea. She watched it bob away on the surface, her dark eyes quiet and thoughtful.

"How long til we reach land?" Ryo wanted to know.

Kilyan shrugged. "The last time I crossed this sea, it took a couple days. But the journey back was pretty short. Mostly because we washed up on your shores. The jungle is on a peninsula that reaches out into the sea pretty far. I guess that's why the journey back was so quick."

"Then Ryo do most of rowing. Wouldn't want Kilyan to break little arms."

Kilyan's arms were by no means little, but he knew Ryo was just teasing him.

And so they continued on for days. They took turns rowing and resting, and for a great deal of the journey, the sea remained flat and faceless. Sometimes as the sun beamed down upon their heads, they hunkered down in the bottom of the boat, their backs against the benches, and talked together for long hours of their lives. Ryo even told Kilyan the story of the shemales, how they had been around for many centuries and believed themselves to be the first tribe of wolves to exist. Kilyan told Ryo anecdotes about his sons, and the more he laughed and talked with Ryo, the more they came to like each other.

It wasn't long before, one gray and cloudy morning, their boat washed up on land. The wooden planks hit the wet sand with a soft thunk, and Kilyan was the first to jerk awake. He and Ryo had been sleeping at the bottom of the boat. Ryo was still softly snoring, on her back, her legs propped against the side of the boat and her feet hanging over. Kilyan's green eyes slowly blinked open, and feeling the boat scraping softly in the shallows, he elbowed Ryo and told her to wake up. Ryo slowly came awake and pulled her heavy form upright. Together, they peered over the side of the boat.

A dozen pairs of eyes peered back at them.