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And there are no tears

Just pity and fear

And a vast ravine

Right in between

(Death Cab for Cutie)

---

We tumbled through the front door of Reynard's apartment, giggling like godsdamn schoolgirls. Had I _no_dignity? Reynard ran for the closet to fetch towels as I stood dripping and shivering in the doorway, hanging my sodden coat on a hook.

"Helluva way to end a first date," the arctic fox snorted wryly, tossing me a slightly threadbare towel as he rubbed his hair vigorously with one of his own. "I wouldn't have suggested that walk through the park if I had known that the Downpour of the Century was scheduled for this evening,"

I chuckled, wringing a torrent of rainwater out of my shirt. "Hey, no worries. A little rain never killed anyone,"

"But a lot just might," Reynard replied ruefully. "Not a fan of drowning, to be honest,"

He was shivering just as violently as me. The night outside might have been frigid, but somehow Reynard's apartment managed to see that bet and raise it (or drop it, rather) a generous handful of degrees. I could see my breath fogging the air. That shouldn't even be possible indoors.

"You got a heater?" I asked, teeth chattering. "Care to turn it up a little bit higher than, say, five degrees Kelvin?"

Reynard shook his head regretfully. "It's busted. Has been for the better part of the week. My fucking landlord refuses to respond to my repeated maintenance requests. I'm this close to just setting random objects on fire to keep warm. But in the meanwhile, I've got ways to manage it,"

Ignoring my confused expression, Reynard ushered me gently but insistently deeper into the darkened apartment. I followed him down the short hallway and into a room.

"R-Reynard... I don't know if I'm... totally comfortable with this," I mumbled as the arctic fox gestured towards the shabby bed pushed against the far wall of the small room.

"It's warm. Like really warm," Reynard replied, a perfectly innocent smile on his face.

I glanced at the bed again. He certainly wasn't lying about that; there were enough blankets layered on that thing to outfit a small army. When I looked back at Reynard, the arctic fox had stripped down to his soaked boxers, which he appeared to be in the process of removing as well.

"Hey! What are you doing?" I gawked stupidly.

"We're soaking wet! You don't expect me to ruin the bed, do you?" Reynard replied incredulously. "Besides. If you don't get those soggy clothes off, you aren't exactly going to get any warmer,"

I pursed my lips but shrugged. Much as I hated to admit it, he had a point.

"Turn around," I said softly.

Reynard arched a brow. "Huh?"

I blushed fiercely. "I--I don't like undressing in front of other people," I mumbled bashfully.

Well, shit. I'd hoped to avoid this moment altogether. The date had been great, and for the first time in a long, long while, I'd met someone I really wanted to keep dating. But would he stay interested if he found out I was 24 and still, well, let's just say inexperienced in the field of being naked-type things with other people. My ears burned at the mere thought of it. Why did it matter? Who even cared about that sort of thing? Well, I did, I supposed, if I was getting so riled up about it.

"Well, I guess that puts a bit of a damper on one or two of the activities I had planned for later," Reynard remarked, but turned his back obligingly. "Suit yourself,"

Quickly stripping down, I slipped into the bed, pulling the covers over me. I sighed aloud as a wave of warmth washed over me almost instantaneously.

I shifted slightly as I felt Reynard slide into bed next to me.

"I thought I would never be warm again," he chuckled softly, shivering in an attempt to push the chill away. "Now. Where were we?"

I felt a hand brush gently across my shoulder, tracing its way down my arm and across my stomach. Almost instinctively, I reached down and put my hand on Reynard's, impeding his progress.

"Did I do something wrong?" Reynard murmured in my ear.

I could feel his fur on mine, his breath warm against my cheek.

"No, no... It's my fault. Not yours,"

I couldn't tell from Reynard's silence whether he was confused or concerned.

"I--I haven't... you see, I've never..." I fumbled and bumbled wildly.

"You haven't slept with anyone before?"

"Sorry," I replied timidly.

Reynard tapped me on the shoulder, prompting me to turn over so I was facing him. He had a warm smile on his lips as he caressed my cheek.

"Hey, nothing to apologize about," he said. "I guess I just sort of assumed, with a handsome fox like you, well..."

"You underestimate the power of my prudishness," I muttered, rolling over again.

My right side was my good sleep side, anyway. Didn't look like I'd be going anywhere any time soon, so I might as well get comfortable. I felt the soft rumble of Reynard's laughter through the bed.

"I'll back off, then," he replied. "Have a good night's sleep--"

"--That didn't mean I wanted you to stop," I murmured softly, something firming up in my heart, or perhaps between my legs. Maybe both.

The intensity of the arctic fox's rumbling increased and he coaxed me around so I was facing him again.

"Whatever you say, boz," he snorted, a crooked grin playing at the corners of his mouth.

We kissed. I'd made out with a handful of guys before over the years, but those incidents had left nothing but a bad taste in my mouth, if I was perfectly honest. This was something... more. I mean, any of those movies that say kissing someone you think you really like is the most magical thing ever have another thing coming. But that isn't to say I didn't really like it. The taste of his tongue and the caress of his lips...

"I want you," I murmured, brushing my hand against Reynard's cheek. "I think I really want you,"

"Try not to sound too sure of yourself there, champ," Reynard chuckled, maintaining his assault.

I felt myself getting hard as my body pressed against Reynard's soft fur. Come to think of it, I'd been hard since we'd started making out. Guess that sealed that portion of my decision-making process.

Reynard took it from there. He made everything so... indescribable. I'd been a little scared and nervous about the whole thing. It was going to be awkward and terrible, I'd told myself over and over. And maybe it was a little awkward. But Reynard's gentle chuckle was always there to remind me that none of that really mattered. It was just the pair of us, together in the soft, warm darkness.

I wished I could have let Reynard know how it made me feel, but just as we finished, my body suddenly decided it was time to sleep and I conked out in the warm, reassuring cocoon of the arctic fox's arms.

***********

***********

"Hey,I happen to think it was a good first date,"

"Yeah, how... sleepy," Reynard laughed in reply, leaning over to kiss me. "It was nice. Really,"

"I was exhausted," I insisted. "Besides. Not everything is about fucking,"

"But a lot of the fun things are. And most good things involve some level of consciousness," Reynard replied, glancing at the rumpled mess of bed sheets arrayed around the pair of us.

"That was fun," I conceded, stroking the arctic fox's chest. "And your bed has certainly gotten a lot nicer since then,"

"Our bed," Reynard corrected. "But I suppose you're right. Fewer broken springs is always a plus,"

"Seemed like a risky play," I snorted. "Sex on a first date and all,"

"Says the no-sex-on-any-date-until-then fellow," Reynard snorted. "Besides. I could smell how much you wanted me. Just like right now. Intoxicating,"

I smiled as Reynard shifted so his body conformed to the contours of mine, his hand massaging my chest.

"It clearly paid off anyway," he mused, nipping the tip of my ear.

"So it would seem,"

"Sleepy Rodge was in some ways preferable to Sex Fiend Rodge who made his appearance on date two, if I recall. Some sort of godsdamned sexy perpetual motion machine. Tuckered even me out," Reynard chuckled.

"What can I say? A good symphony concert gets me hot and bothered," I giggled.

"What's with the sudden fixation on memory lane, anyway?" Reynard asked, kissing my back.

I shrugged. "I dunno. I guess it's just kinda crazy to think that we're going to be getting married so soon. I mean, it's just nice to go back and take stock, I suppose,"

"I'd rather focus on the stuff ahead. Shit knows the wedding's been a bitch to plan,"

"You're right about that," I nodded vigorously.

"Hey! You have no right to complain. You aren't doing anything to plan or set stuff up," Reynard retorted softly but forcefully.

"Well, unlike you, my job doesn't ever seem to end. You've got more free time," I snapped.

"And nothing fills my heart with more joy than spending what precious little free time I have picking out fucking _flower_arrangements or whatever,"

"I thought you said you wanted a nice wedding. A real celebration,"

"I said I wanted to get married to you. I don't give two fucks about all that fancy shit. I was all gung-ho about just going down to the courthouse and paperworking our way to wedded bliss. I still am,"

I rolled over, grumbling inwardly. "We can talk about this in the morning,"

Reynard made a sound that indicated he wanted otherwise, but receiving no further verbal complaints, I drifted off to an uneasy sleep.

*****

By all rights, I should have hated Tabitha Crane. In the span of one completely insane afternoon, she had murdered the closest thing I'd had to a friend in months in a fit of jealous rage and then crippled my father in some sort of misguided attempt at apologizing to me for the murder. Hell, I'd feared for my own life that day, petrified that I'd end up another victim of the ferretess' fury.

Yet there I was, sitting on my bike at some ungodsly hour or night, waiting for her to turn up.

With time, the anger and fear had seeped away, slowly replaced by confusion and even pity for Tabitha's predicament. The more and more I thought about the whole situation, the more and more events just didn't add up. Sure, Tabitha had had her issues in the past. But she was not a murderess. Or, at least she wasn't one unless pushed by something more drastic than a silly relationship issue. No. that wasn't her. Something had to account for that. I had to believe that.

Beyond even that, I couldn't help but feel angry over the sham of a "trial" she received in the aftermath. Everyone deserved a trial. Not that bullshit pageantry.

My head jerked around as I heart Tabitha's muffled footsteps. She was making her way down the dark street, shouldering a bag.

The ferretess' ears perked up and she came to a halt as I called out to her in a hoarse whisper. She dropped to one knee, scanning for the source of the sound. A frown of confusion crossed her face as her eyes fell on me.

"Ciaran!" she whispered. "But... How did you know--? And why would--?"

"How did I know? Lucky guess. Well, that and the fact that you weren't at home when I checked. And you always come home this way. And why would I want to talk with you? Well..."

I trailed off. Part of me wanted to tell her how I still somehow really cared about her, despite everything that had happened, that I really wanted things to just be normal again. But it hurt too much. So instead I just smiled forlornly and walked closer to her knee.

"What are you doing with that bag?" I asked, changing the subject to avoid having to think about my standing with Tabitha any longer.

Tabitha glanced at her bag.

"I... it's best that I just get out of here. I need to leave. Maybe I can get a fresh start somewhere else," she said.

I rushed forward, placing my hand on Tabitha's knuckle. "Don't! Don't go,"

"You seem pretty insistent for someone who has every reason to hate me," Tabitha laughed hollowly.

"It's been months. You can't just punish people forever," I replied. "We have to move forward," I hesitated before adding, "You can pick me up if you like, you know,"

"Are you sure?" she asked hesitantly.

"I wouldn't have offered otherwise,"

Tabitha's hand flipped over and I practically fell onto her palm. She lifted me up somewhat clumsily, a tentative smile creeping across her face.

"A bit out of practice, I see," I commented.

"It's been a few months," replied Tabitha.

"I've really missed you," I blurted.

"Me too," the ferretess murmured.

She made a misguided attempt at caressing me with the edge of her thumb before she decided the decapitation risk was too great. I reached out and rubbed the tip of her thumb to make up for it.

"Please don't leave town," I said.

Tabitha heaved a heavy sigh and I heard a thump as the bag slid off her shoulder. She shook her head as she looked at me.

"I don't know what to do, Ciaran," she murmured. "Everyone here hates me. Everyone here should hate me. I really should leave. But at the same time, I don't know what I would do elsewhere,"

"Then don't leave. Please," I urged. "You need a fresh start. But maybe you can get one right here in Saaduuts,"

A gust of breath buffeted me as Tabitha snorted derisively. "That'd be the stunt of the century. 'Hey everyone! This gigantic ferret girl? Yeah. Forget about all the crazy shit she did. This is a totally new gigantic ferret girl',"

I ran my fingers through my hair, racking my brains. She had a point. But we had to rehabilitate her, for the lack of a better term. Tabitha had managed to throw virtually every facet of our lives into complete chaos at some point or another during our relationship. But if she just slunk off somewhere, somehow, I'd just feel like it had all been nothing more than a waste of time. I wanted to help her. Then again, the ideas for said help were not coming.

"We'll have to work on that plan," I replied slowly. "But we'll have a plan. And it'll work,"

"Seems kinda circular, don't you think?"

"No comment. But we need to get to the bottom of everything that really happened... that day. Oh, and get you a job, for another thing,"

Tabitha smiled bitterly. "It's so cute how you think anyone would want to employ me,"

"It'll work out. We'll find something. But that can wait until tomorrow. I need to go home and get some sleep,"

"You can always come back to my place," Tabitha's ears perked up hopefully.

I smiled thinly, regretfully. "Not tonight, Tab. I don't think we should," I don't think I'm ready.

The tiniest of frowns flashed across the ferretess' face for the briefest of moments. My heart stopped for a moment. I breathed a sigh of relief as the scowl was replaced just as quickly by a forlorn expression. Ah, yes. That was why I hadn't spoken with her in some time. Relationships could be hard at times, but not many seemed to verge on life-threatening now and again.

"Actually, could you just put me down now?" I mumbled quickly, notes of worry creeping into my voice.

Tabitha looked wounded. "I understand," she murmured.

As the ferretess turned to make her way back home, I shuffled down the street in the opposite direction, hands shoved deep into my pockets.

*****

Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White Roger Smith-White

Practicing my soon-to-be-used signature had become one of my favorite pastimes in the weeks following my engagement. Whenever my office duties got a little bit too dull (an all-too-frequent phenomenon), I'd bust out the ol' pen and work on my John Hancock. Vastly more entertaining than paperwork and other such bureaucratic joys.

I nearly jumped out of my seat as Morgan Maddox knocked on the door of my office. The pine marten was a new hire at MACRO, filling in the position left vacant by Tabitha. She was still pretty wet behind the ears, but she had a good head on her shoulders and learned quickly.

"How can I help you, Morgan?" I asked, dropping my pen onto the desk and trying to regain control of my pulse.

"Er, well..." the marten shifted and cleared her throat. "Your fiancé is here to see you..."

"Well, just buzz him in through the front, then. He can just come to my office. No biggie,"

"Well, it kind of is," mumbled Morgan, glancing around my cluttered office so as not to make eye contact. "He's... he's out by the balcony. And he _really_wants to talk. Like now,"

I frowned in confusion but got to my feet and circled the desk, making my way for the door. What was Reynard playing at? He didn't seriously think we'd had a_real_ argument last night, did he?

My heart just about stopped as I stepped out onto the balcony.

"Uh, hello there, Reynard," I gawked, unable to fully process what I was seeing.

"Hi," my gigantic fiancé replied bashfully.