A New Conflict
Chapter 3 - A New Conflict
"Um, hey Jessica. I thought you were going to bed early tonight," Said Rachel with a confused look on her face.
"I just wanted to ask you about all the noise you were making in your room. I thought I heard you talking to yourself in there last night. You sounded kinda upset," Jessica replied. "I just wanted to check to see if you are doing okay."
Rachel felt herself blush. She thought she effectively muffled her voice with the pillow last night, but it apparently didn't work. Jessica lived in the room adjacent to hers, so it was obvious that she would hear any talking across from her room. The house was rather cheap, so the walls were thin as cardboard.
"Oh, hehe... you heard me? Oh, I was just, um... practicing! Yes, I was rehearsing, for my acting class. Yes, acting!" Rachel said with a sheepish look on her face.
"I didn't know you were taking an acting class Rachel. I thought you were getting your GED out of the way first."
"Oh, um, that. Well, I, um... chose to take an elective."
Jessica did not seem convinced. She could tell just by Rachel's odd behavior that she was lying.
"Rachel, there really is no need to lie to me. I just wanted to make sure you weren't hurt or anything. You also seemed more depressed than usual. Did something bad happen?"
"Why would you concern yourself with me? You know I've been a total bitch to you and everyone else living here."
Rachel was right. Jessica really didn't know why she was so concerned. She just couldn't help herself. By her very nature, she has always been very forgiving. She was worried for Rachel, even after all the horrible things she has done in the past.
"Well, I don't know. I was just curious I guess. I mean, there's no harm in asking."
Rachel was confused, but she had an idea all of the sudden. She knew how difficult it was to apologize to Beth. Maybe apologizing to Jessica would be a whole lot easier. Jessica was the friendliest person she knew. But simply saying 'I'm sorry', wouldn't be enough, would it? Rachel had to tell the whole truth, no matter how difficult it would be.
"Okay.. you got me.. I was crying. Go ahead, laugh it up." Rachel frowned.
Jessica couldn't help but feel a slight chuckle coming on, but she suppressed it, even though she knew Rachel deserved it.
"I'm not going to laugh Rachel. I just want to know why you are so upset. Is.. it's because of Tommy, isn't it?" Jessica clenched her teeth, not knowing what reactions she would expect from her.
"No, well.. sort of.. it's more complex than that. It's about everything Jessica. Everything I have done since my later years in High School. I was.. a horrible person." Rachel dipped her head in shame.
"No offense Rachel, but.. you kinda still are." Jessica crossed her arms.
"I know that!" Rachel snapped, but immediately tried to control her temper. "That's the point though.. I want to change. I just.. feel so bad about all the things I've done. I've gotten so caught up into trying to have fun and enjoy my college experience, that.. I.. I just.."
"You were too self centered and didn't make the right choices, and now you are facing the consequences," Jessica asserted. "So then.. why are you just now starting to feel bad? Didn't you even love Tommy to begin with?"
"I did love him! I just.. was too afraid to tell him the truth. I wanted more.. fun.. and as soon as I made that one dumb choice.. I just couldn't confess. I just had to keep it a secret. I thought that maybe I could live with the guilt.. if I suppressed it with enough lame excuses, but.."
"But what? You eventually were caught, and now you've realized that all your lame excuses were for nothing? What made you stop lying to yourself? Surely being caught wasn't enough, was it?"
"No. There was a bigger reason," Rachel had to tell her. She knew this would be embarrassing, but she couldn't stop now. "If you must know.. I.. um.. overheard your conversation.. last night.. when you were talking about me. It.. made me realize how horrible of a person I have become.."
Rachel blushed more than she ever had, but not as much as Jessica.
Jessica's mouth flew wide open. She covered her mouth with both hands, and turned around in embarrassment and shock. She could not believe Rachel had listened into their conversation that night. She did not know what to think.
There was a long awkward pause.
Jessica turned around back to Rachel.
"Oh, my god. Rachel. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean anything I said. Um, I'm sure none of us meant any of it.. um, we were just.. ugh. I'm sorry Rachel. Please, forgive me. I..."
"No Jessica. You don't have to apologize. Everything you, Beth, and Amy were saying about me.. It is all true. You know it," Rachel interjected.
"Rachel.." A look of surprise and concern made its way on Jessica's face.
"Ever since I moved in with you guys, I did nothing but cause drama. You remember the times I insulted all of you after I got angry from losing Tommy, who I have cheated on since I first dated him. I took it all out on you guys out of jealousy. I've cheated on Tommy for over a year. What kind of person do you think I am? I will tell you what I am. I'm a monster, that's what."
Jessica looked down in disbelief. She wasn't expecting this reaction from Rachel. She was half expecting her to get furious and attack her. This was a side of Rachel she had never seen. She was at a loss for words.
"I should be the one apologizing. I'm sorry Jessica. I'm sorry I've done all those horrible things. I should have never treated you and your friends like that. It was wrong of me. I should have never moved in with you guys. You didn't deserve to put up with my antics," Rachel choked.
Jessica couldn't believe what she was hearing. Rachel, apologizing? Now she was really starting to feel bad.
"Rachel.. I.."
"Listen. I am going to be moving out soon. I know that you and your friends would be happier if I left. I will leave some money for the next rent before I leave, so you won't have to worry. I will help you find someone who will move in to replace me. It's the least I can do to make up for all the damage I have done."
Jessica put her hand on Rachel's shoulder.
"No, Rachel, listen to me. You are not a monster. We all have to face these kinds of challenges and learn from our bad decisions. It is human to make the wrong choices sometimes; it does not make us into monsters unless we never stop to do anything to try and fix it." Jessica looked into Rachel's eyes as she spoke. She could see her pain and sorrow deep within her eyes as she looked back at her. Somehow, she could tell that Rachel was truly penitent. "Sometimes we end up having to learn things the hard way, but the bright side is that it still gives us an opportunity to grow and learn from our past mistakes. I understand you have gone through a lot of pain. However, that pain helped you realize how badly you needed to change. Not only have you acknowledged your bad decisions, but you also wanted to improve. I forgive you Rachel."
Rachel couldn't believe what she just heard. She never thought anyone would forgive her for what she did. She felt as though a large weight had been lifted off of her. However, she also felt a tinge of twisting guilt. She still did not feel like she even deserved to be forgiven after everything she had done, and yet Jessica forgave her anyways. A tear started to well up on her eyelid.
Jessica opened up her arms, offering Rachel to be embraced. Rachel was hesitant, but she consented, and let Jessica hug her. She started to feel awkward at first, but then later relaxed. She wanted to start sobbing. She couldn't hold it back.
As tears streamed down Rachel's face, Jessica put her hand around her head, trying to comfort her as much as she could.
"It's okay Rachel. I know you must have been holding back your feelings for a long time now. Just let it all out. I won't judge you," Jessica whispered.
Rachel felt all her feelings that she kept locked away start to pour out of her. She hugged Jessica tightly, experiencing her warmth and protection. She had never felt so relieved. All her sorrows were being drained.
Jessica and Rachel continued to embrace until Rachel could cry no more. They both sat down on the bed, sort of speechless. Rachel wiped the last of her tears off of her face, still sniffling occasionally. About a minute passed by.
"Feel better?" Jessica asked.
"Yeah. Thank you Jessica. I really needed that," Rachel replied.
"It's no problem at all."
"Just... promise me you won't tell the other roommates about this, okay?"
"You have my word," Jessica put her hand on her heart. "I solemnly swear not to tell a single soul."
Rachel giggled. "Thanks."
After Jessica went to go to sleep, Rachel got herself ready for bed. She had all her energy drained, so she laid down on the bed and quickly dosed off.
The next few days were very busy. Nobody had time for anything. Everyone was pulling off all-nighters, except for Rachel and Jessica. They had decided to study together in the library. They both had psychology, although they were in separate classes.
Rachel and Jessica were slowly becoming friends, and Rachel was happy to finally have someone to talk to and spend time with.
"I'm glad you decided to show up. At least now we have a greater chance of passing the next exam," Jessica smiled.
"No problem. By the way, I have something important to ask you," Said Rachel.
"Huh?"
"Um... about Beth and Amy."
"Yeah, what about them?"
"Do you think, that maybe... if I apologized to them, they would be able to forgive me?"
Jessica looked down at the ground.
"I don't know Rachel. They still seemed pretty angry. Are you gonna try to apologize to them tonight?"
"Yeah. If they aren't too busy."
"Hm..."
Jessica thought long and hard. She honestly didn't think that an apology would end well with them. Then Jessica finally had an idea.
"Hey, I know! How about I talk to them about it first? I will let them know that you are no longer a total jerkface," Said Jessica.
"You... would do that for me?"
"Sure thing! Umm.. I was wondering. You seem to be a bit shaky today. Are you feeling alright?"
Rachel sheepishly wrapped her arms around herself. "No, not really. I've been trying to quit smoking. It has been a bit difficult for me, but I gotta quit if I want to stay healthy."
Jessica put her hand on Rachel's shoulder.
"You have? That's great! I'm happy for you Rachel. I'm sure you will pull through it."
"Yeah, I hope so. Oh, and thank you Jessica, for everything."
"Don't mention it. I'm glad to help. I have to say that I am very proud of you Rachel. I never thought I would see you trying to turn your life around like this. I'm sure you will be back with the group in no time if you keep this up."
"Yeah. But.. I just have one more question.."
"Shoot."
"Why were you able to forgive me so easily? I didn't think after all those terrible things you said about me, you would be so quick to change your mind."
"I know this sounds a little bit naive, but I believe in second chances. I've seen other people change Rachel. Heck, even I did some pretty messed up stuff before, but I learned from my mistakes. That is proof enough for me that it is possible to change your behavior. I believe that everyone has an opportunity to turn things around and make things right. Well, I guess I have my standards though. If you had murdered someone, then I definitely wouldn't have forgiven you so easily."
"Well, I guess I can look at the bright side of things. At least I'm not that bad."
They both giggled.
"Well, I got to head to my next class. It was nice studying with you Rachel. I'll see you later okay?"
"Okay, see ya!" Rachel smiled.
A few hours passed. It was already 6:00. Everyone had already gone home to eat and study. Beth and Amy were both studying for their English class, when in came Jessica.
"Hey Jessica. We need to talk," Beth said with a stern tone.
Jessica felt a small shiver crawl up her spine. She sort of knew where this was going.
"I've noticed you conversing with Rachel recently. We even saw you studying with her a bit."
"Um, yeah. We have been spending some time together. Why? What about it?"
"Jessica! You know better than to hang around Rachel! You know she is trouble!" Amy exclaimed.
"Haven't you forgotten about all the drama and stress she has been causing us the past few months?" Beth asked Jessica.
"Look. I know you are going to think this sounds crazy, but... Rachel has changed. She isn't the same person she was before! She apologized to me, and.."
Jessica was interrupted by Beth, "Jessica, that is what she wants you to think! She is probably plotting something. She has been trying to make our lives miserable for months!"
"Please, just listen to me for a second! A few nights ago, she told me that she heard.."
"Why would you believe anything she says? What about us? We are your friends Jessica, and we want to protect you. You have to believe what we are saying. Rachel is definitely trying to trick you. She is most likely trying to use you for who knows what," Said Amy.
Jessica looked down in disappointment. She knew this wasn't going to work. She decided to take a more subtle approach.
"I... I do trust you guys... But, haven't you noticed Rachel acting strange lately?" Jessica asked.
Come to think of it, Beth has remembered Rachel acting rather odd. But that unfortunately did nothing to convince her of anything.
"Jessica, when is she ever not acting strange?" Amy replied.
Jessica was getting impatient. She raised her voice.
"Listen to me! Rachel heard you guys talking behind her back a few days ago!"
There was a short pause, and the other two roommates had a look of shock on their face. They both gasped, and then there was an awkward silence in the room.
But then that silence was broken by Amy, "Good! I'm glad she heard us! Maybe that would have given her the reality check she desperately needed. It may even help force her to want to finally move out of here. Have you ever thought of that Jessica?"
"Exactly. Listen. It would be easier on all of us if you just stayed away from Rachel altogether. We don't want any more drama from her. So just ignore her and hang with us instead. We are your real friends," Beth suggested.
This time, Jessica was conflicted. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't just disregard her friends advice, but she also didn't want to hurt Rachel. She knew that Rachel had changed. She knew it deep down. But at the same time, is helping Rachel really worth all the trouble? Her friends don't want anymore drama from Rachel, and it doesn't look like they would forgive her anytime soon.
"Just.. give me some time to think about this," Jessica replied in a nonchalant tone.
"Okay. Remember Jessica. We want what is best for you. This is for your own good," Said Amy.
Jessica walked into her bedroom, and sat down on the bed. She thought long and hard. It was frustrating. She felt like she was being tugged back and forth. She couldn't imagine abandoning Rachel, especially not after all that she has been through. She really felt like they were becoming good friends. She would hate to have to end their friendship already.
Rachel waited patiently outside, this time without smoking any cigarette. However, the stress was making her feel the urge to smoke.
She pulled out an emergency cig from inside of her purse, and was about to light it. However, she was interrupted when Jessica opened the door behind her.
Jessica walked out and down the stairs. She walked up to Rachel, with a solemn look on her face.
"Things didn't go so well huh?" Rachel asked.
Jessica shook her head.
"I'm sorry Rachel. I tried."
"No, don't be sorry. I've decided.. I am going to be moving out next month. I am going to get in contact with a group of other college students to move in with."
Jessica smiled. At least they could look at the bright side of this dilemma.
"But we can still hang until then. I'll still keep in contact." Said Rachel.
Jessica smiled a little, but then went back to a look of disappointment.
"What's wrong Jess? Is Something else bothering you? What is it?" Rachel asked.
Jessica couldn't say it, but she had to. She had to make her choice. She couldn't let it wait.
"Rachel... we can't hang out anymore."