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LAST TIME ON OH, COLLEGE: Albus's gender identity finally turns things Degrassi-esque

Albus finally made it to the guidance counselor's office and sat down in a comfy-looking chair. Across from him was a scrawny male Goat with white fur and horn-rimmed glasses, looking at Albus in a strange way. That was probably because Albus was dressed in drag, and rather convincingly so, and he kept shuffling about and looking around the room, his eyes darting around as he does so, as though he were a character in a slasher film. The Goat started speaking, with a high-pitched voice and a little bit of a German accent: "So, I'm just going to guess you're here because of something related to your gender identity. When you come in here wearing the clothing of the opposite sex and it ISN'T a matter of gender identity, that surprises me."

"Yeah, that's why. I get this feeling, and then it goes away, and then it comes right back again." Albus explained. "Tell me more about this feeling." "The feeling is where I look at my body and it looks like someone else's. I look at my chest, my waistline, my crotch, and everything masculine I see there just makes me angry and sad, and I reflexively cover them up until I'm in drag and there's no way of telling I'm not female. Even my HANDS don't look like mine. They look like alien hands or something, just too not-girly." "It certainly sounds like it, but it takes a while to get an actual diagnosis of gender dysphoria, especially when an actual diagnosis would mean you're non-binary." "Does this mean that when anyone uses gender-binary pronouns on me that an angry mob's going to run them out of town? I ask that because it seems to me like obsessing over political correctness is still-"

"You do realize that you have an air of internalized binarism about you, don't you?" the counselor interrupted. "Because I'm not offended enough by things called MICRO-aggressions for a reason to go bat-shit insane?" "Because I am NOT going to let a fellow non-binary-" "I DON'T KNOW IF I'M NON-BINARY YET! I'm just pretty sure I am. Wait. You're non-binary?" "Yes, and do you know ANYTHING about what it's like to be misgendered?" "I'M still getting used to using female and gender-neutral pronouns on MYSELF! That means I misgender MYSELF sometimes, so OF COURSE I KNOW!" And thus, right when things were indistinguishable from your average flame war between an SJW and somebody they're "protecting" who doesn't want to be patronized and overprotected, things calmed down. "I didn't realize that you'd become so complacent." "In this case, complacency is best."

"So, let's get on to how to handle people's reaction to the news. Quite a few of them will have trouble getting used to it, and some might even be outright hostile to any non-cisgender or non-binary identity. I should know. I came out as agender a year before starting work at this school, back when I was being privately tutored on psychology-along with only five other students-by Phillip Zimbardo himself. One of the students kept saying that I was mentally ill for being who I was, no matter how many times Mr. Zimbardo corrected him. So, I would suggest explaining your identity to people when you can, and avoiding or reporting the people who you cannot explain it to." "I grew up in a place where even defying the most arbitrary gender roles could ruin you. I did anyways, and after escaping, I abandoned the concept altogether. One thing I've learned from that, though, is that some people cannot be stopped by simply being reprimanded or avoided. Sometimes, you have to fight back." "That's against the campus rules, though."

"Then let's just move on to the next thing: for the first time since I became an atheist, I've begun to feel deep shame in my sexuality. This is an on-and-off thing too, but sometimes I get horny enough that I can't help but jack off, but when I actually start, I feel too horrible to continue until orgasm." WRITER'S NOTE: This is a problem that I had at one time recently that may or may not come back, but at least whether it does or not, I now have more writing material. BACK TO THE STORY. "What type of masturbatory material or sexual activity is regular for you?" "More kinks than a shirt that was never ironed. I'm trying to be funny here to make myself feel better. It's also a problem because of ANOTHER problem: I'm reaching the point of being too horny to even get anything done!" "How many times a day do you masturbate or have sex?" "Three to four, on average." "That is completely normal." "Then how does ANYONE accomplish ANYTHING during late adolescence?" "Mostly perseverance, self-control and plenty of anti-androgens." "I wish I was asexual." "No. YOU. DO. NOT. WANT. TO. BE. ASEXUAL! We have our own problems that make me wish I wasn't." "Oh. You're asexual AND agender? We're BOTH special little snowflakes, aren't we?" "Yes. I guess we are." WRITER'S NOTE: and this is where I ran out of material. There might be another hiatus, and right when I'm dead-set on setting up a Patreon account. NOW TO END THIS.

NEXT TIME ON OH, COLLEGE: I have no fucking idea, and that makes me feel like shit.