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LAST TIME ON ZOMBIE ARE WANKERS: Everybody got all settled in.

"Alright, everybody. Let's get moving and gather as many supplies as we can fit into the RV before we head off. We don't want to run out of food, water or ammunition in a place where getting it is impossible" Sheer said, then proceeding to walk out of the RV, followed by everybody. However, that included the kids, John and Jane, who he made stay behind. "I don't want you putting yourself in harm's way. You're not old enough to be able to defend yourselves." Albus grabbed his backpack, most supplies originally in it being emptied into the RV's compartments, the same happened with Morry, and Nick got a backpack of his own, telling Judy to stay behind. "Carrots, please just stay behind. With the kids on the way, you're in no position to exert yourself or put yourself in danger like this. Please, just stay behind, not just for yourself, but for me and the kids." "Alright" Judy replied.

Chip opted to stay behind, as did Bellwether, Wesha and Gazelle. "There's only one of you who we're not better off leaving behind anyways, and that's Bogo" Sheer said, with Bogo immediately volunteering to follow Sheer, exploring the same buildings, but different parts of each one at the same time. Albus and Morry made the same decision. Nick was about to go with them, when Judy grabbed him by the collar, turned him around, and showed him the "I don't want to lose you" look. "I'll stay behind and protect everybody else" Nick suggested. Sheer was more than okay with that, as was everybody else. Then, the two groups that were going to scavenge split up. Albus and Morrigan were going to explore the buildings to the north, and Sheer and Bogo would explore the ones to the south.

Albus and Morry got to an abandoned apartment building. There, Albus found two M16A4s (with ammunition) and immediately thought I'm gonna modify the fuck out of these, as well as a katana for him to either use or give to Morry. Morry found a flashlight and some batteries that could be used for it. Then, they decided to split up. Albus would explore the apartment more, and Morry would go to the building next door, a combination convenience store and nerdy knick-knack shop. Albus was exploring the apartment when he came across four walkers trying to break down a door, and eight more at the end of a stairwell right beside it. Immediately, he got out his dual shotguns. He blew the brains out of all four zombies by the door with two shots from each shotgun. Then he took the dual rifles, went down the stairs, and shot the zombies as they ran up the stairs towards him.

"Hello? Is anybody in this room? Is that why they were trying to break in?" A distinctly feminine voice replied "I and my husband are here. My name's Ash." He opened the door and saw that the voice belonged to a very MILF-looking and seemingly-non-judgmental (based on Albus's instincts) orange female Dingo, and she was with an also-orange male Fox. "His name is Chip, by the way. He's my husband" Ash said, pointing towards Chip. "Hi. My name's Albus Kane. You two seem really sweet, and I just hope that you don't mind that I'm bi, and I'm starting to really question my gender identity." "Oh, certainly not. You might not know this, but I'm transgender." "So, like halfway-transitioned? Because you look really, really...MILF-ish, and I just now noticed a tiny little bulge in your pants." "Please, just don't pay or draw any attention to it." "Alright." WRITER'S NOTE: these are the fursonas of two very close internet friends on Twitter, and one of them is a trans woman who hasn't had the bottom parts changed yet, so, yeah. They gave me permission to use their characters for the story. Also, I don't know how I didn't find as many opportunities as I wanted for humor in this episode. BACK TO THE STORY.

Meanwhile, things were also going rather well for Sheer and Bogo. They entered a warehouse filled with food, water, medical supplies and weapons, and noticed that anybody who would otherwise lay claim to and protect these supplies was now infected. One zombie rushed right at Sheer, who simply impaled the zombie on his sharpened, serrated antlers, and tossed it aside with a shake of his head off to his left. Two more came rushing at them, and Bogo said "You get the supplies, and I'll hold them off!" "Well, if you say so. It's not like there's somebody here with MILITARY TRAINING AND EXPERIENCE who just KILLED one of those things with his fucking ANTLERS, is there!? I can do both, and you can help out with both!" "Alright then! I will!"

Sheer felt confident that he was going to be fine, what with his armor protecting him from their bodily fluids and their bites. Bogo, however, was very much on the defensive, wielding just a revolver (albeit a powerful one) and still wearing his ZPD uniform. Three walkers rushed Bogo, who shot two in the head and one in the neck. One of the ones that got shot in the head was still alive for a few seconds, squirming all around, trying to get back up. Another one rushed at Sheer, and got its head cracked open when Sheer jump-kicked the motherfucker in the head with his tungsten-plated hooves, leaving it to fall to the ground in a rain of blood and bits of brain and bone. He saw various non-perishable food items-delicious, delicious cool ranch Doritos, Twinkies, Reese's Cups, and even some healthy shit that I won't bother mentioning-and grabbed enough to keep them going for at least a month or two. He did the same with the water he found, noting that it was fresh and clean enough that he felt obligated to take it so that they would be less likely to have to drink dirt- and fish-piss-filled water from a river. On the way out, he briefly went into a store and grabbed both boy and girl clothes and toys for the kids.

He also grabbed some things that he was looking for just for himself: a Springfield M1903 and a Winchester Model 1897, the latter with the stock sawed off, but not the barrel. He also found some ammunition for them, grabbing stripper clips and ammunition boxes and loading them into his backpack. He shouted "The backpack's full and we have enough supplies! Now let's go!" to Bogo, who replied "I was kind of waiting for you to be okay with us leaving!" as he was holding off a small horde of the technically-not-undead. They made their way out as Sheer loaded the Springfield to maximum capacity, and started rapidly shooting the zombies in the head, lining up his shot, scoring a headshot that blew the foreheads and/or faces of the walkers into giblets, pulling the bolt, chambering the next round, and repeating, mowing them down so quickly that it slightly confused Bogo. What even IS this man? I've heard stories about the government trying to make super-soldiers, but I don't see any sign that he was modified in any way, yet somehow, what he's doing seems superhuman to me he thought.

At the same time, Morry was finding some interesting things in the store. She noticed that there was an entire aisle of pornographic magazines dedicated to female dominance. I know just who to give these to, and I can't wait to see the look on everybody's face when I do she thought. She grabbed a metric fuckton of them before moving on, and finding plenty of nerdy things. All of this they shared an interest in, but haven't really told each other, finding out about each other's interest in them via covert means and implied messages. She grabbed two Aperture Science coffee mugs, several Star Wars action figures and some Minecraft toys, as well as some comics, both western and Manga. She was going to give some, but not all, to Albus, and publicly, of both the nerd gear and the porno, as she found the submissive, often-effeminate men in the magazines to be attractive.

Then they got back to the RV and Sheer put the food, water and ammo in the RV's compartments, and oversaw the distribution of the rest of the supplies. "Now, the Springfield and the Winchester I keep for myself. I intend on combining them and then further customizing them. The rest you can sort out amongst yourselves, except for these clothes and toys. These are for the kids" Sheer announced, leading Albus to reply "Can I have some of the boy AND girl toys? I see some awesome-looking action figures and vehicles, AND some nice dolls and playsets for them, and I just want some for myself." "They're not going to be for you unless the kids say so, and even then, they get them back as soon as they ask for them back, or you WILL get in trouble!" Sheer replied angrily. "Fine."

Then the children had some questions. John asked "Why are different toys labeled 'for boys' and 'for girls'? What about boys who like to play with dolls, or girls who like to play with action figures?" "Yeah. What about them?" Jane added. And then Albus went off on a tangent about gender roles. "You see kids, the toys are assigned to boys and girls based on a nonsensical set of sexist (towards both sexes, and I can explain that easily) stereotypes that society encourages people to pretend are true, and punishes people with bullying and being left out of a lot of fun things, for proving false and not submitting to, called gender roles. They're the ones that say that I can't be allowed to cry or be scared, and they're the ones that say that Morry can't be allowed to be all tough and independent." "Yeah. That's why anyone who brings them up as though they were worth taking seriously gets pistol-whipped in the face by me personally." That brought a smirk to Albus's face. John then said "I want some boy toys, but the 'girl toys' just seem so much fun to me", with Jane replying "Yeah. Can I have mostly boy toys, but some girl toys?" Albus and Sheer noticed a horrified look on judgmental bitch queen Wesha's face, and they started laughing their asses off. "Also I want boy AND girl clothes." Jane said, with John adding in "Me too."

Then Morry gave the femdom porno magazines to Albus in full view of everybody. "I knew from the moment I met you that these would pique your interest, and I just KNEW that these were just right for you." she said as she handed one with a Tigress dominatrix and a Lion dominant (made for submissive-preferenced bisexual men and women) on the cover called Fun for Bitches and Albus blushed and replied "Shouldn't this be kind of a private thing!? You're really making me uncomfortable, Morry." "Don't worry. I'm holding onto some of them just for my own personal pleasure. Make of that what you will." Wesha almost vomited, before stopping just short, and yelling "YOU VILE PERVERTS!" and getting slapped in the face by Sheer. Gazelle, Nick Judy and Bogo were simply puzzled, Gazelle asking "How exactly do you find those things pleasurable?" "How much science do you want to hear, and how uncomfortable are you willing to be to learn?" "I just won't ask, then." Chip Fox and Ash were also perplexed, but Ash said "As much as that kinda stuff makes me kind of uncomfortable, it's not really in my place to judge you for liking it when I'm not getting involved." "I'm with her on this" her husband Chip replied. "ALL OF YOU BE QUIET AND CALM DOWN! No matter whether or not this happened in public, it is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!" Sheer shouted at the top of his lungs.

Then Morry gave him some of the comics and action figures, and an Aperture Science mug. Albus let out a high-pitched squeal of delight as he did the T-Rex arms and made the ^v^ face. "But wait. Don't you want some?" "I have some for myself too!" Morry replied, with a voice like she had just heard that she had won the lottery and gotten superpowers at the same time. They geeked out together, hugging tightly and holding hands, before Ash said "Aww, I hope you two are a couple, because you seem to me to be just perfect for each other! Tell me: are you married?" "Well, I guess we can just leave the LOSER LOVERS to have their moment if they want to" Bellwether added in, making sure to add in the trigger phrase. It didn't faze Albus, though. "Well, if it means that they don't have sex outside of marriage, then I'm all for it" Wesha stated eagerly, passive-aggressively adding in "Also, they're perfect for each other, so there's that too." "We're not going out though, are we?" Albus asked. "I-uhhh.....I don't feel like going out with you right now" "What about later?" "Maybe later"

NEXT TIME ON ZOMBIES ARE WANKERS: STORYTIME!