FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Wind is decidedly the cruellest kind of weather. A cold wind bites into you like no other; it strips away your layers and kills you. At least that was Llewellyn Chavez's personal opinion. In the heat, one could strip down to the fur, drink cold drinks, etcetera. In the typical cold, or rain, one may rug up, covering themselves in waterproof layers and thermal undergarments. But the wind...the icy wind, that fucking wind had a way of burning you. It made it difficult to hear, it made your papers fly everywhere, and any time a single extremity was exposed to it that particular limb would lose all feeling for the next hour or so.

His friends told him he was dramatic, he didn't see it.

Llewellyn Chavez was a tall, lean and intellectual zebra. He wore mostly neat clothes, and worked as a student counsellor for the local university. His parents had been elitists, in every sense of the word, and Llewellyn despised them. He rarely spoke to them anymore, but they were the reason for his (what he considered) overly pretentious name. He preferred most students to address him as 'Theo", since his middle name was Theodore, and he disliked that too. It was a small compromise, but any victory to separate him from the loathsome zebra parents was welcome in his book. Many friends and family, and indeed even his girlfriend Lola had suggested changing his loathsome name, however Llewellyn refused to...out of spite. His parents had never been particularly impressed by the zebra's life choices, especially his decision to work as (in their minds) _just _a counsellor, rather than some fancy psychiatrist who made yearly incomes of the six-digit variety. He knew that they would probably get some sick joy by him separating himself from them, like they had won, and he _refused _to let them have that victory. A part of him knew it was petty, but a larger part didn't care about that. Despite his rejection of their classism, he could not help himself but love books, studying and students. He tried to work privately, as a counsellor, but unfortunately he felt no joy there. So now he worked for slightly worse pay, but a more fulfilling role. For most furs, their university years were incredibly formative. This was the time that they truly separated themselves from their own parents, becoming a unique being of their own. Llewellyn recognised better than most that for some, this change was necessary for the fur's own survival. He often wondered, in the cold like this however, if it was _really _worth it.

He knew it was. In the four years he'd been working for the university, he'd won some monumental victories. He'd talked furs down from suicide, helped a young female escape her physically abusive parents and even found one young ram a job and place to live, when they were homeless. Llewellyn was proud of what he did, and he had (What he believed to be) a fantastic rapport with his students.

Because of the cold, he felt astoundingly grateful when he finally reached the student support building. It was a one-story square brick thing located behind all the main study buildings, and housed a few offices and a couple of jobs. The student support building catered for many different needs and requirements, but it was essentially a place where students could receive mostly non-academic help. Whether that was counselling from the likes of Llewellyn and his colleague Natasha, or more logistical assistance (such as booking appointments with lecturers or enrolment issues.), most of the help could be found there. Llewellyn and Natasha, who was a chirpy white fox, were the only two who actually worked there full-time, but they were good friends so it wasn't too bad. Aside from that students who were planning to go into counselling or psychology in the future were welcome to come work in the building too, mostly just arranging files, planning appointments and the like. Still, they received a small wage, and of course the experience garnered from the work and typically either Natasha or Llewellyn would give the student a warming recommendation. As the zebra walked into the lobby, he saw one such student worker was already busy typing away, they ceased however when they spotted him and got up from the seat. Approaching him was Kathy, a bright lemur girl who'd been working at the support building for quite some time now. Llewellyn enjoyed her no-nonsense attitude.

"It's very cold Kathy." She smiled at the in-joke, everyone in the building knew Llewellyn was extremely vocal about the state of the weather most days.

"I noticed." She gave a nervous laugh. "So uh, there's a student in your office already..."

"What?" The zebra checked his watch, astonished. "It's barely eight! I'm surprised even you're here to be honest." The lemur girl laughed.

"Thought I might come warm the place up a bit. But yeah, he got here like half an hour ago." She said.

"Who is it? Did you recognise them?" He asked.

"No, some weird black fox. Wearing a hoodie, all he said was that he would wait for you in your office." Llewellyn resisted the urge to sigh.

"That's probably Riley. He hasn't been back in a while...It's probably good he's here. Okay, I'll go see him." Kathy nodded, returning to her desk. Rolling his stiff (Probably from that damn cold) shoulders, the counsellor walked merrily into his office, where indeed, young Riley was lounging in a chair, staring at his phone. The fox didn't look up.

"Good to see you Riley." When he got no response, Llewellyn simply sat down at his own desk. He switched his computer on, and leaned back in his chair. He knew the fox well enough to know how to make him talk. "You know the deal here buddy...either you talk or you gotta go."

"Sorry. Trying to think how to start." He finally replied, barely talking above a mumble.

"Right. Well what's the main problem? We'll get to the _why _later, but let's talk about the what."

"Well for one, I haven't been to any classes in a week. That's a good start."

"Not usually a good idea. What _have _you been doing?"

"Just the usual shit at home. Haven't really left my room unless I had too...Feel just like some shitty angsty teen."

"Right...okay then. Now you can tell me why." Llewellyn was somewhat aware of what Riley meant by 'usual shit'; he knew the fox did something that had to do with hacking into other computers...but he didn't pry unless it was truly relevant to the fox's mental health.

"Well, I made a friend."

"That's a good thing Riley." The zebra tried to ease the tension that was wafting off the young male.

"Yeah I know. It was going great, or so I thought. We really hit it off, he was interesting...I thought he was kind of into me...but then..." Riley kind of trailed off, waving a hand into the distance.

"Then what?"

"I dunno, he didn't like me like I thought he did." He put a paw to his eyes, rubbing them vigorously. "Ugh, this feels so stupid, like I'm some dumb thirteen year old asking his dad how to know if someone likes him or not."

"I don't think it's stupid, what makes you say he didn't like you like you thought he did?"

"Well for one...I...uh..." Llewellyn noticed that the fox was blushing; even under that shiny black fur he could see it plain as day. It was very unlike Riley to blush, so he immediately knew it was something either romantic or sexual. Llewellyn was quite aware of the fox's orientation, it was fairly common knowledge, but he was still shy when it came to actually spelling it out.

"Riley, we've been over this. I really don't care, I hear all kinds of things all day...seriously, whatever it is you can tell me in confidence." The fox nodded.

"Okay, okay I know. Well, he came over to chat about a...a project we were working on. We were chatting really well, and getting closer and closer. He's looking at me right, and his look is really into me. We've been flirting at every meet...so I kissed him." The fox crossed his arms, obviously uncomfortable.

"Riley, damn it just tell me."

"That's mostly it. I kissed him and he...he kissed me back, really well. It was fantastic but...then, he stopped and told me he wasn't gay. And just...left." Llewellyn resisted an eye roll, some of the students that came to see him were nowhere near as modest as the fox. They described everything, often in very explicit detail. Still, he had to respect the young male's boundaries.

"Well maybe it wasn't an issue of disliking you, but the fact that he wasn't gay. Not his fault if he isn't."

"I dunno, that doesn't really...feel right. Like he was practically jumping at me some moments. To be honest I caught myself wondering if we were gonna end the afternoon with sex..."

"By the sounds of things, this isn't an issue with you. You stopped when he wanted to, and accepted the things he said. Remember, you know you're gay Riley, but other furs...may not have come to that conclusion."

"I dunno, we were talking about all this stuff and...I think maybe I just freaked him out a little. So he made an excuse to get out of there."

"Was the conversation sexual in nature? You think maybe he felt threatened in some way?" Riley looked shocked.

"What? No-not at all. It was more about doing slightly less than legal things. It was about..." He gave the zebra a suspicious look.

"You've seen the movies, doctor-patient confidentiality." Said Llewellyn quickly, anticipating the fur's thoughts.

"You're not a doctor Theo...technically I mean." Replied the fox sarcastically.

"Same rules."

"Right. Well, we were talking about hurting someone who really, and believe me he does, deserve it. I got a little carried away, a little excited and maybe I scared him, I dunno."

"Uh-huh." Was all the zebra said in reply, trying to buy time to think. "Since you're meeting, which was what...?"

"A week and a half ago."

"Since a week and a half ago, have you put any of these 'plans' into motion? Hurt anybody?"

"No...I was too nervous. Ugh, sounds so stupid."

"It doesn't, honestly." Reassured the counsellor, for what felt like the hundredth time. "Maybe you should try...uh, talking to him Riley?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he may even want to talk to you but not know how. I think you should find him, in person, and ask what's wrong. See if you can't sort it out."

"I can hardly accuse him of being gay. What, say I think he's lying?" Riley put on a sarcastic voice. "Hey buddy, look I was thinking and uh...yeah, you are gay. You're wrong, so come here and make out with me." Llewellyn sighed, he secretly found the fox quite amusing, but now wasn't the time.

"You know that's not what I mean. Just...talk to him. And despite what movies and high school try to tell you, it's very reasonable to remain friends after something like this. At least the he'd be around you right? He may come to realise that he _does _like you."

"I dunno..." The young male looked unsure of himself.

"Look, if he _does _like you, and he _is _gay, but the issue he had was something about your uh...project. Then that can be sorted out quite easily; you could agree to tone it back for him." The zebra smiled at the fox. "This problem may end up having a simpler solution than you think."

"And if not?"

"Well, some things you just can't change. It's a fact of life I'm sorry to say." The fox gave a sad smile at that.

"I guess so, still...I thought we really hit it off. I thought he really liked me." With that Riley stood up, picking up his backpack. Llewellyn also left his chair, walking around the desk to the young male's side.

"You gonna start going back to class now?" He asked, squeezing the fox's shoulder protectively. Riley nodded in response.

"Yeah I guess so. It doesn't all seem...quite so hopeless now I suppose. Thanks Theo." The zebra felt an urge to hug the fur, but he knew it was not a motion that would be welcomed. So he clapped him on the back and began to walk out with him.

"Anytime, really. I'm always here." He stopped walking just before the door, and watched as Riley walked out, throwing a paw in the air as a goodbye. Turning, he saw his student helper typing away at her computer.

"What's next Kathy?" She smiled up at him.

"You have a couple more students wanting to see you today. Should be done by about three though." The counsellor nodded, almost to himself.

"Fantastic. When's the next one booked in for?"

"Uuummm...." She quickly flicked through the appointment book. "About twenty minutes."

"Alright. Can you give young Riley a call later today? Maybe try and book him another appointment with me, in say...about two weeks time?"

"I most certainly can." She said chirpily.

"Great. You're the best." And with that Llewellyn returned to his office, setting up for a day of doing the work that he loved. He wrote out a few notes about the fox for himself, and thought about it. He knew why it had bothered Riley so much, the fur wasn't used to the feeling of being wrong. He rarely found himself stumped by problems, and indecision was very unfamiliar territory for him. Llewellyn knew the fox could take of himself, but he still worried.

He hoped that everything would work out in the young males love life.