Seeds of Change chapter 3
Seeds of Change
Chapter 3
Seeds of Hopelessness and Courage
By Briar W Rabbit
*This chapter contains no yiff, and will be a semi short chapter.*
"Mr. Rabbit, I am sorry to inform you. But after going over the tests and the mri scans. I am deeply sorry to inform you that you have cancer. I am not sure if it is osteosarcoma, Ewing's sarcoma, chondrosarcoma, malignant fibrous histiocytoma, fibrosarcoma, or chordoma. But what I do know is that the mri showed two growths on your femurs. I would like you to come back in Friday for a exploratory biopsy. " Dr. Yashita said as she looked at me. Her look was one of a professional, yet full of compassion. "I am truely sorry. I wish I could have given you better news."
Cancer, the words hit me like a ton of bricks. How could I have cancer? I had lived healthy well save for being around Buster, but he mostly smoked outside. I ate properly, exercised with religous vigor. How could this be? What would I tell Buster? I thought to myself as the room seemed to spin around me.
"Ok." Was all I could manage to say, as I fought back tears. I could feel my eyes burning from the tears that where welling up in my eyes.
Slowly, I made my way through the hospital to the parking lot, fighting back the tears that I knew would come. What was I going to do? I thought to myself as I opened up the car door and slid inside.
As sat with the key in the ignition, all I could do was burst out into tears. Tears flooding down my face as I reached for my cell to call Buster. Why of all things did it have to be cancer I thought to myself as I continued to cry.
"Hello Rabbit and Wilde residence Buster speaking, how can I help you." Buster said over the phone.
"Buster, I need to talk to you as soon as I get home." is all I could say as I sobbed into the phone, knowing I was making a fool of myself. But I could not help it. I felt as if I had been given a death sentence.
"Honey what is wrong? Something is wrong. What is going on?" He said. I could feel the worry through the phone.
"I will explain when I get home." I sobbed as I hung up and started the car.
Slowly I pulled out of the parking lot I turned on the radio. Maybe a bit of music would help calm me. I had read some some where, or did I hear it from some one that music was a great healing tool. I do not remember and at the moment I did not care. I needed some music.
As I flipped through the stations, I finaly stopped on an oldies channel that I liked, and the song that was playing was one I had not heard in a long time.
Through early morning fog I see visions of the things to be
The pains that are withheld for me I realize and I can see . . .
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make all our little joys relate
Without that ever-present hate but now I know that its too late,
and . . .That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The game of life is hard to play. Im gonna lose it anyway.
The losing card Ill someday lay so this is all I have to say.
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The only way to win is cheat and lay it down before Im beat,
and to another give my seat for thats the only painless feat.
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
The sword of time will pierce our skins it doesnt hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in the pain grows stronger . . . watch it grin, but . . .
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
A brave man once requested me to answer questions that are key
'Is it to be or not to be' and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
That suicide is painless it brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it if I please.
And you can do the same thing if you choose
Was that a message I thought to myself as I pulled onto the freeway to begin the drive home. Maybe it was, but would I be able to do it? Would it be the cowards way out? I thought to myself as I drove. Lost in thought and hopelessness I pulled into the drive way. I could see Buster standing on the front porch through the windshield of my car. The look of worry and anxiety etched into his face.
I had told him that I had to go back to the doctor agin. But I did not tell him that I was going to an oncologist. God how I felt horrid for not telling him the truth.
Slowly I turned off the car and had not even had a chance to open the door before Buster was there. As I opened the door, I looked at him and burst out crying. Fresh tears streaming down my face. The fur on my cheeks wet from the tears that I had shed on the way home and in the parking lot. I knew my eyes where puffy, but at that moment I did not care. All I wanted was Buster.
"I have cancer. Dr. Yashita does not know what type it is, but I go back Friday for an exploratory biopsy." I said as I pulled Buster close to me. "I am sorry that I did not tell you about having to go to the oncologist sooner." I gushed as I buried my head into his shoulder.
"Honey, things will be ok. You said the doctor said she did not know what type it is. I bet it is something that you can beat, You are a fighter, and besides we do not even know if it is malignant or begnin. You shall overcome this, and I shall help you." he said as he pulled me tighter to him, embracing me in the drive way.
There we stood, as if we where the only two furs in the world. Which at the moment that is what it felt like. Just the two of us holding each other in the driveway, me crying and him squeezing me to him.
"I will never leave your side, and I will help you get through this. Now you keep on crying if you have to. Get the tears out of your system, because we will be in for a fight and I do not plan on losing you." he said as he pulled me tighter to him.
Authors note: So ends chapter 3. I am sorry it is not as long as the past two chapters. As for the song, that was the song that started playing as soon as I turned it onto the station in my car in real life. I had been contemplating suicide as I drove home, and even considered parking my car on the side of the Missouri River bridge and jumping off. My life partner, held me until the sun had went down that day in our drive way. Just standing there with me crying on his shoulder. Which was well over three hours.