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The Underground Song Critic's review of: Sonic Underground X: Season 3 Finale - the Tails Doll Vendetta: Acts 1 & 2

(BlackheartZero is holding a poorly made Tails Doll with a paper Guy Fawkes mask to the camara that exists only in his diseased mind)

"T.D.": (demonic voice) Viola! in View, a humble Vaudvellian Veteran. cast Vicariously as both Victim and Villain by the Visesitudes of- (normal voice): ... yeah, this joke's ran it's course...

(BH0 tosses the doll away)

so yeah! i'm reviewing something Tails Doll related, about time. and since of course i'm the "Underground" Song Critic, what better thing Tails Doll-related can i review other than Sonic Underground... X?

i know what you're thinking, "Sonic Underground X!? what in the blue Hell is this? a combination of Sonic X and Sonic Underground? if so, oh god, this better not have Thorndyke in it!" don't worry. the devil himself doesn't dwell here... (*COUGH!* though Bubsy the goddamned Bobcat is present *COUGH!*)

Sonic Underground X is a bizarre clusterfuck of a story created by one General Super Toad. (known as GSTSUPERWORLD87 on youtube) it's style is a lot like CooDoo17's sonic stories; with character sprites from Mystical Forest Zone for the characters, realistic photos of places or backgrond sprites for the locations, and the voices are mostly done using the Microsoft voice program. but Toad would also use his own voice instead of the program for some of the characters, he did this for most of the villains.

the action takes the form of thiese off-the-walls-crazy turn based RPG segments. Toad pulls alot of his inspiration from Youtube poops, (joy...-_-'), and it shows; most of the jokes are out of place references you would find in browsing YTP. hell, even the attacks look like they would be in place with those YTP RPG videos. the casting is just as bizarre; seriously? Ristar and Bubsy!?

well, i guess you can argue that with a casting like that, "what could possibly go wrong?"

(BH0 ducks for cover as minigun fire dessimates the wall behind him)

...ok, i- i get the picture, no more...

i personally love this little mess of insanity. i don't know what it is! probably because i admire it trying to be serious even when Rick Astley pulls out a grenade launcher and blows the floating, disembodied image of Chris Crocker's shit up! i haven't seen this thing in a while, and was hunting it down ... mainly to review it, but i truly do love this series...

but, if you want me to nitpick, which i'm gonna do anyway, the season 3 finale was just... it just didn't work in my opinion. shit just went apeshit as early as it started. so, what could possibly-

(hears the minigun revving up again)

... uh, be in it that could fuck it up? let's find out, shall we?

(revving stops, BH0 breathes a sigh of relief)

[MESSAGE: No Flames, Please]

aw, but for the sake of this review, i have to deconsruct it harshly. i still love this little slice of madness, but you'r not getting a biased review out of me, i'm not Fox News!

we start with Mephelis the Dark (shouldn't he not exist anymore?) apparently, he just got his ass kicked by Sonic and Amy along with Nazo and some asshole named Halo-Fox while they were fused into some other jackass named Megalaris. the idea was to create a dimentional rift to end Sonic's home universe. however they didn't count on Modern Sonic being so uberpowered. hell, everyone in Underground X is overpowered, just take a look at that "Ghetto Blaster" attack that kills everything in one hit

anyway, he finds Nazo in the universe he was banished to and Nazo says he found something to open a dimentional rift with the intent to go after Sonic Underground X for round 2. meanwhile Eggman, Lex Luthor and Leopold: the Angry German Kid (no, i'm not making this up) are plotting revenge on Sonic as well. Eggman hatches a plan to use the Tails Doll to destroy the Blue Blur and company.

meanwhile in Recolor Hell- er, i mean Hedgehog City, two OCs named Damien and Veronica are talking about how awesome Sonic is when al of a sudden, they feel an evil presence wash over the room... well, enough about them, let's see what's going on over at Palmtree Panic!

we cut to Sonic Underground X playing a concert... in the middle of nowhere... uh, seems legit. anyway, they hear Mephele's laughter and we cut to- GODAMNIT I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MANY POINTLESS LOCATION CUTS! ugh, we cut to Knuckles, guarding the Emeralds when suprise, suprise, Mephiles laughter alerts him. he leaves to find Sonic and the others. and FINALLY, we cut to the important shit, as Mephiles and Nazo are trying to find a way to break the Tails Doll out of Eggman's mansion. Mephiles uses a grey Emerald and sure enough our stuffed, soul-shlurping star reveals himself!

[T.D.: hello! can you feel the sunshine?!]

because, as you all know; you can't have a Tails Doll fic without the Tails Doll saying that lyric at least... a thousand times...

Mephiles comments on how doomed Sonic Underground X are and Tails Doll (seriously) says the following;

[T.D.: it's time to crush Sonic into pixie dust!]

when there's a smile in your heaaaaaart, there's no better time to staaaaart-

(BH0 ducks for cover as a shotgun blast hit's the already bullet-riddled wall behind him)

OK I GET IT, NOT FUNNY! jeez, you know how expensive the repairs on that wall are gonna be!?

cut to Eggman and Co. as they discover the Tails Doll has been stolen. they set off to try to get it back as we cut to the HQ of the Sonic Underground X. they adress the situation...

[RISTAR: what the hell? what the hell is going on?!

SONIC: i know Ristar! it seems Mephiles and Nazo have returned to ths dimenson expectedly!]

wait, you knew they'd come back? ... nevermind, continue...

[SONIA: Sonic Bro, how are we going to win this time?!

SONC: dont worry, Sonia Sis! we've overcome worse odds before so we'll be alright]

"i mean, seriously Sonia, it's just a half of an evil god who killed me with a cheap shot once and another demon born from negative Chaos energy. we do this shit in our sleep! stupid girl..."

and seriously? "Sonic Bro"? "Sonia Sis"? i swear, if they call eachother that on a regular basis in this, i'm getting the hell out of here...

(all of Sonc Underground X break the fourth wall and stare at BH0, aggrivated)

... i'm- i'm sorry, continue, i... yeah, i won't make any promises of not interrupting again.

and now, Silver tempts fate...

[SILVER: and besides, there's only 2 of them plus Robotnik and his minions and us!

BUBSY: so we're one of 3 rival teams in a "battle Royale" setting!]

wait wha?... what was that? was he... referencing something? three rival teams? battle royale settings? ... i don't get it! fuck it, the computor recieves a call and Sonic answers...

[ANTOINE: hey Sonic! it's me, Antoine!]

(BH0 points at the screen)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

[ANTOINE: bad news Sonic! the Tails Doll has escaped from Dr. Robotnik's mansion!]

FUCK THE DOLL, ANTOINE EXISTS IN THIS GODFORSAKEN STORY! AND HE'S VOICE ISN'T A MICROSOFT VOICE!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

[SONIC: OH MY GOD! WE'LL GO AND FIND HIM! C'MON "Sonic Underground X!" it's now or never if we dont want our dimension destroyed again!]

*cough!* *cough!* *WHEEEEEZE* dear god my throat!... wait... this happened before!? shit when? in Season two? well, i guess we'll never know, since Toad deleted all the other seasons except 3. why did he do this? was it because he lost the data? was it that he overacted to being trolled? WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER TWO SEASONS!?

eh, screw it. we're here for the Tails Doll story. we'll worry about the other two parts... maybie never.

so, part one of Act 1 ends and we go to part two, where we see the Hedgehog siblings chasing the Doll.

[SONIC: Sonia, any sign ofthe Tails Doll?

SONIA: no, nothing on our scanner range!

MANIC: look's like a wild goose chase after all!]

are you kidding me!? you were just chasing him! HE'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! and you can't pick him up on radar!? who needs a damn radar? JUST LOOK OUTSIDE AND YOU'LL SEE THE BASTARD! folks, take notes; this is what you get when you let furries in charge of your onboard navigation equipment...

we cut to some S.W.A.T patrol sent to apprehend the Tails Doll, and since they're not important, they're slaughtered without a fight.

[GENERAL: Squad 1, can you copy? Squad 1?! SQUAD OOOONNNEEE!!!!!]

yep, Metal Gear Reference... look, just because i love this story does'nt mean it can't find ways to piss me off...

we cut to Casino Night Zone, as Tails Doll is waiting for Nazo and Mephiles to meet up with him. Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles intercept the Doll and BATTLE IS JOINED!

(FFX Random Encounter music plays)

this is the fight of the century! Team Sonic of Sonic Underground X against the Tails Doll in a three on one fight to the death! Sonic start's things off with a ... finger Blast? Sonic can do- oh who cares, Tails then hits his haunted, cuddley counterpart with a Blast Cannon weapon. and Knuckles uses... oh god!

(Knuckles uses the Captain's patented Falcon Punch attack)

OOH! Knuckles has stolen Captain Falcon's signature move! that must be a sign of disrespect against Falcon before the two square off for the title of intergalactic champion! next week, AT WRESTLEMANIA! ... that, or Toad thought it was funny... probably the latter...

Tails Doll counters with a DEVASTATING Super T.D. Blast and mortally wounds our heroes! looks like all is lost and- ... oh, nevermind Knuckles used the "Ghetto Blaster" attack i talked about before and roasted the Doll's braincells. just like that, the fight is over and Team Sonic win and get a S rank! ... that's it? we just beat a boss and all we get is a rank up? this loot system sucks...

so, it looks like the day is saved, but then Mephiles and Nazo arrive to aid their crippled comrade. and we end Act 1 with a shocking revelation; they stole the Chaos Emeralds! holy shit, guys! what are they gonna do with them!? ... well, stand around and gloat, for one...

but before the trio of evil can do anything with the damned rocks, Team Sonic and the rest of Sonic Underground X are whisked away by a sphere of glowing energy, taking the Emeralds with them... well, that plot twist didn't go anywhere, now did it?

[T.D.: hey! that light took our Chaos Emeralds!

MEPHILES: outside the Arcade, Mah Boi!]

*groan...* he did NOT just say that...

[MEPHILES: ... i hope we'll find a vessel for the Tails Doll to possess!]

yep, apparently, Tails Doll ain't at full power yet. to become all powerful, he must take over someone's body. so, who's the unlucky candidate?

(Eggman and his goons teleport in)

ELECTRICALBEAST: that was some great teleportin' there, Eggman!

[LEX: SO IT WAS YOU WHO TOOK THE TAILS DOLL!

NAZO: that's right! too much you fools know too much!]

HOLY SHI- wait... "too much you fools know too much"? he really just left that mistake in the final cut like-

(Tails Doll zaps Eggman's head with a red energy)

HOLY-!!! what the hell's going on now!?

[EGGMAN: OH NO! WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

T.D.: A-Ha-A-Ha-A-Ha-A-Ha-A, i'm going to fuse with you!]

oh shit! he's gonna possess PINGAS breath! what's gonna happen now!??

[MEPHILES: now you see my Master Plan! FAT SEIYAN SONIC!]

... wait, what, ... "Fat Seiyan Sonic"? are they planning on making Sonic fat? i- i don't understand, what the hell is a-

(Tails Doll and Eggman dissapear, and in their place *dear God* is a Sonic/Majin Buu hybrid. BH0 sees this, and his left Glasses lens breaks, and he starts crying blood out of his left eye. BH0 immediately realizes he's not crying)

oh, DEAR FUCKING GOD, A GOD DAMNED PIECE OF GLASS BROKE OFF IN MY GOD DAMNED EYE!!! AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

(three days later, BH0, wearing an eye patch and bandage, resumes the review)

yeah, let's try this again, but this time, let's not wear glasses. (takes his glasses off and puts them off to the side) alright, where were we? ...

(see's "Fat Seiyan Sonic" again, his Glasses spontaniously combust and burn to ash right next to him)

what the fuck is that thing? he looks NOTHING like Eggman nor Tails Doll! he's a Majin Buu... Sonic... thing! this is the Tails Doll's ultimate evil power fully realized!? THIS IS A JOKE!!! what the fuck was Toad thinking?! how is Mephiles going to use this abomination to conquer Earth!?

take a good, hard look at this, fellas! this is so obviously the nail in the Sonic Underground X show's casket! this must be the point when Toad utimately decided he doesn't care what the hell Underground X will fight in the Finale, but God Damn it, they WILL fight it! so he took the most rediculous sprite he could find on Mystical Forest Zone, and BOOM! instant Tails Doll ultimate form!

this is why i love the show but detest the finale; this is the final battle were talking about! Toad could have done so much more with Tais Doll, but instead... well, Fat Seiyan Sonic!

Mephiles sends the hellspawn of imagination to destroy Earth, Lex and the others conclude that it's all up to Sonic Underground X now and we cut to wherever the hell said team were dragged to. specifically, Tikal has summoned them to the shrine of the Master Emerald to warn them of an evil supernatural... fuck me, they're talking about Fat Seiyan Sonic, are they...?

(a hologram of Fat Seiyan Sonic appears, accompanied by loud "boos")

*chuckle* fitting. i didn't even add the "boos" at least Toad acknowlages this thing was a mistake.

[RISTAR: OMG! did you see that Bubsy?!

BUBSY: yep! he is a savage to Mobius! he must die!

TIKAL: so, i need 2 of you to destroy him! who will do it!]

(mocking Tikal, with heavy weapons guy voice) WHO IS MAN ENOUGH TO STAND WITH ME!?

Sonic and Blaze volinteer, and Shadow tells Bubsy and Ristar that Manic and Tails built them a machine to aid the two in their fight. that really being code for, "were sending you in a vehicle we just built to get yourselves killed by the big supernatural threat, have fun!"

Sonic and Blaze go Super (without Emeralds, mind you) and they, Ristar, and Bubsy teleport to go engage Fat Seiyan Sonic in battle!

[F.S.S.: *laughing* that's right! nothing can stop me now!]

BH0: you know there's an old Earth saying. a word of great power and wisdom and consolation to the soul in time of need...

PENCIL: ooh! what is it?

ELECTRICALBEAST: Teleport!

(Sonic, Blaze, and the suicide squad- er, i mean Ristar and Bubsy teleport in front of Fat Seiyan Sonic)

[Sonic: guess again you big bloated slimeball!]

ELECTRICALBEAST: ah, there ya go guys, that was a great teleport ya did there!

[F.S.S.: you dare to underestimate me?!]

YES!!! I MEAN, LOOK AT YOURSELF!!!

[F.S.S.: i will destroy you all the same!]

(Sonic proceeds to punch and kick Fat Seiyan Sonic)

[F.S.S.: OW! DON'T HIT MY GUT! IT'S SENSITIVE!]

this guy used to be the Tails Doll, the Goddamned antithesis of life, the universe, and everything! a horrible demon of a creature, hungry for the fear and souls of the living! AND NOW! he has... a sensitive... GUT! it's takng everything i have to not start a killing spree after what that fat fuck just said!

(Blaze proceeds to set Fat Seiyan Sonic on fire)

[Bubsy: OK Ristar! fire the Electromagnetic Cannon!

RISTAR: yes Bubsey! this Seiyan is gonna fry!]

(they fire a blue blast, but Fat Seiyan Sonic looks unsuprisingly unfazed)

[F.S.S.: HA! MY TURN!]

yes! crash and burn that damned cat out of the sky!!!

(Fat Seiyan Sonic lets loose a fireball that strikes Bubsy and RIstar's machine)

[MACHINE'S COMPUTOR: DAMAGE REPORT: APPROXIMATELY 20%]

WHAT THE FUCK!? ONLY 20 PECENT DAMAGE!? this thing's supposed to be a world destroying demon! how the hell is that Machine still flying!??? you were created to destroy the Earth AND YOU CAN'T EVEN KILL FUCKING BUBSY!??!?? i am hating this fat fuck with each passing second...

anyway, Sonic and Blaze fire their lazors and Fat Seiyan Sonic fires it back.

[RISTAR: are you ready to fire again, Bubsy?!

BUBSY: yes Ristar! What Can Possibly Go Wrong?]

FUCK YOU, BUBSY! FUCKING EVERYTHING CAN GO WRONG!! I HATE THIS FINALE!!! DEAR FUCKING LORD I HATE IT!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT!WHY AM I DOING THIS?!! SOMEONE PLEASE SEND HELP!!! SEND HELP!! !!!!! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPP-

<were expeiencing some technical difficulties, specifically, BH0 undid his harnesses and escaped, please stand by>

... ... ...

(BH0 has returned, bound in a straightjacket. the sedatives have just wore off and he's awake)

uuughhh... i did it again, did i? i apologize, let's... let's just get this over with...

[F.S.S.: heh, it seems like i underestimated your power! NEVERMIND! you'll never defeat me once i reach my true power!]

Sonic, Blaze, Ristar, THAT DAMN ... Bubsy, and the rest of Sonic Underground X look in horror as the fat Seiyan achives his ultimate power!

[SILVER: if i was Shadow, i could use the Scouter to measure his Power Level!]

... your not...

[SHADOW: 6000! 7000! 8000! 9000?! NO! it's over 9!]

... your really not, no story can be that stupid!...

[KNUCKLES: SHADOW! what does the Scouter say about his Power Level?!

SHADOW: IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND!!!

KNUCKLES: WHAT?! 9000?! THERE'S NO WAY THAT CAN BE RIGHT!]

(BH0 takes off his glasses and crushes them in his fist in anger)

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! Toad used that moment to use a done to death internet meme!??! why would he stoop that low to-

(notices his hand bleeding)

...DEAR FUCKING GOD NOT AGAIN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGG- GGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

(the next day, BH0 has his hand bandaged up and glasses repaired)

uuughhh... self injury aside, i do have some good news; story's almost over.

so, with his new power level of 9000+, does Fat Seiyan Sonic now stand a chance against our heroes?... here's a hint; do i like Bubsy at all?

[F.S.S.: have a taste of my Eye Lazer!]

(Fat Seiyan Sonic fires and misses...)

BH0: ugh... play the audio clip...

PRINCESS CLARA: ... god damn it, i hate you...

BH0: could'nt have said it better myself!

so yeah, Fat Seiyan Sonic gets his ass whooped, it's stopped being an epic final battle and started becoming just like a euthanization of an old, sick pet! he doesn't even attempt to put up a fight, this is just sad! so much for the power up...

[SONIC: ok Fat Seiyan Sonic! this is the end of the line! CHAOS VOLT!

BLAZE: FIRE BLAST!]

it's super effective!

[F.S.S.: WHY! I HAD IT ALL! WHY WAS I DEFEATED BY A COUPLE OF PATHETIC LIFE FORMS!?!]

BH0: (mocking Fat Seiyan Sonic) I AM THE ULTIMATE OVERLORD! FAT SEIYAN SONIC! I AM THE REAL SONIC!!! ... oh wait, no i'm not, I'M SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOD DAMNED TAILS DOLL!!!

and with that, Fat Seiyan Sonic splits back into Tails Doll and Eggman. Eggman plummet's back to Mobius, get's back up and proclaims his hatred for Sonic and the Tails Doll, and the Doll... fucks off i guess... oh, and our heroes get an S rank, goodie goodie...

meanwhile Nazo and Mephiles curse there "ultimate weapon"s failure and they fuck off. cut to 6 days later with Team Chaotix inviting Sonic Underground X to a party. oh, and earlier that day, Espio, Mighty, and Honey the cat have crucified Vector so he would stop saying "Find The Computor Room"

[VECTOR: OH! I'M TO YOUNG TO DIE!

TAILS: (Achmed the Dead Terrorist's voice) SILENCE! i kill you!]

Ah! that's the way to end this finale, with another dated reference! oh, and you look at the poster in the background, you'll see the words, "GST and Sassi rule teh world!" if that's the case, then it's high time we revolted!

so yeah, this episode sucked, but that isn't enough to change my mind. Sonic Underground X is still a timeless classic to me. to be honest, Sonic Underground X was kind of always like this. the pointless references and generic heroes and villains. it feels more like a Youtube Poop than it does a CooDoo17 sprite story, but that's what Toad intended, and i respect him for it; the story of Sonic Underground X is, at best a stupid but harmless satire story, and i wouldn't want it to be anthing else.

i just don't think this story is a good enough season finale. the climax felt like it was trying to mirror a better finale, the one with Sonic and Amy against Megalaris. the main villain was a joke and the ultimate payoff was a dissapointment. in my opinion, this would've made a better regular episode then an actual series ending event.

if you want to watch it, or meet General Super Toad, i'll leave a link to his Youtube page. so go check out Sonic Underground X and be sure to tell Toad that Blackheart sent ya. ... or not, i don't care.

wait, i forgot. didn't this have something to do with Sonic Underground? ...