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Unrunning

Chapter 57

Zeinara awoke abruptly to find Wilmer standing over her, bloody and hollow-eyed. "Geez, Wilmer!" she complained in a hiss, trying to keep her voice low for fear of waking the others. She gently disentangled herself from Kayya and sat up, quickly buttoning up her shirt. Her golden mane tumbled in a mess around her. "What's the matter? I mean . . . besides the obvious."

Wilmer's lips curled in a slight smile at the joke. "In the hall," said the Dalmatian and drifted out the door.

Zeinara got up and followed him, buttoning her pants as she went. "What's the matter?" she repeated. "You encourage me to make up with Kayya, then when I finally do, you drag me away from her?"

Wilmer sighed, the hollow sound echoing. "I know. I'm sorry. I need you to do me a favor."

"What is it already?"

"It's Palesa," Wilmer said and frowned. "I saw her in the kitchen . . . with Nkwe."

"So?"

Wilmer's face darkened, and it dawned on Zeinara.

"Oh. You saw her . . . _with_Nkwe. What d'you want me to do? You said you didn't want Palesa to know you were here."

Wilmer's face twisted. "It's just - I've been gone a few days, and she's already --"

"Oh, Wilmer, she hasn't moved on! She's . . . finding solace." Zeinara shrugged sadly and slid her paws in her pockets.

"With someone she doesn't even know?" Wilmer demanded incredulously.

"I get the feeling she knows Uncle Nkwe. Remember how she went on about knowing Mogethis before? Then Motsumi tried to change the subject, like it was some big secret. Figured you of all beasts would've known . . . sorry," she added when she realized she was being insensitive.

Wilmer shook his head. "No, it's okay. I never even heard of Mogethis until recently. And why should I have heard of Nkwe? Not like Palesa had to tell me about her lovers. She doesn't know about the Golden Retriever in the field of sunflowers . . ." He stared off dreamily.

Zeinara slowly smiled. "Do I get to know about the Golden Retriever in the field of sunflowers?"

Wilmer came back to earth. "Maybe later," he said with a half-smile. He frowned sadly. "So I'm gone, and now she's got an old friend to look after her . . ." He sighed. "I suppose that means I could go back to the darkness . . . wait for the light or whatever to take me."

Zeinara frowned. "No, don't leave. I like having someone to talk to. You've helped me a lot with Kayya, and I've gotten so used to having someone who's there for me, what would I do without you?"

Wilmer laughed sadly. "You've got nothing to worry about. I don't know how to leave." He scratched the back of his ears. "This isn't something they teach you in school."

Zeinara snorted. "You can say that again --"

"Zeinara," Ettoras complained.

Zeinara looked up to see her brother leaning out the doorway of his room as he squinted at her with sleepy eyes. Wilmer started and drifted away back, and Ettoras glanced around as if he felt the ghost go by. He frowned at Zeinara. "Beasts are trying to _sleep_over here. Why are you in the hall talking to yourself? And where's Yen?"

As if she'd been summoned, Yeneneshe came up the hall, her long mane flowing, her tail low. They were surprised to see her not in her deerskin dress but wearing a bearskin coat with no shoes or pants. Her fur also smelled damp. She didn't seem inclined to answer their unspoken questions and took Ettoras by the arm and led him back into their room. "Goodnight, Zeinara," she said as she passed, and Zeinara was startled to notice the absence of resentment in her voice.

Zeinara glanced down the hall and saw Nkwe sitting shirtless at the hearth. Ah, that was where Yeneneshe got the coat, then. Zeinara stuck her paws in her pockets and approached Nkwe. As she passed the kitchen, she could see Palesa dozing in a chair with her head back.

"Maybe I should enter her dreams," Wilmer said darkly as he floated along behind Zeinara. "Yell at her for letting Nkwe grope her . . ."

"No, don't do that!" Zeinara scolded. "She's mourning you. Why make her feel guilty?"

Wilmer dropped his eyes. "Now I know how she felt . . . when I cheated."

"Don't make any dramatic exits," Nkwe said when Zeinara was standing over him. Zeinara thought he looked young and handsome as ever, if not mussed and tired. He was wearing the same white wolf fang on a string of leather around his throat, the same wolf fang he'd been wearing since before she could talk. It rested against his round pectorals, and his muscular belly crunched as he sat with his legs folded. He had taken a flame from the blue fire into his paw and was watching as it ran through his fingers. He didn't look up.

Zeinara sat on the floor beside Nkwe and folded her legs. "Why?" she asked.

"There are creatures outside," Nkwe answered. "One almost got Yeneneshe, though they should have scattered by now. Don't take any chances."

Zeinara's brows went up. "Oh."

Nkwe's face darkened. "Oh? Is that all you have to say, Zeinara?" He snapped his fist shut, and the blue flame scattered. His eyes burned at her, almost menacing.

Zeinara's ears went flat in her golden mane. "I'm sorry?"

Nkwe glared at the fire. "Can't you even try to be sorry for once? Have you no shame? Look what your actions have wrought!" He gestured at Azrian, who was sleeping on the couch nearby.

Zeinara slowly scowled. "Since when you do you care about Azrian? All you ever did was blame her for everything!"

"Oh no," Nkwe shook his head. "We are not going to make this about me. This is about you and what you did." He looked at Zeinara angrily, and she dropped her eyes. "I don't even know what to do with you," he sighed. "If you were still a cub, I'd just throw you over my knee. Perhaps make you stand in the corner."

"You could still do that," Zeinara joked.

Nkwe looked away, and she knew he was trying not to smile. "This is serious, Zeinara. Don't be like your father for five seconds."

Zeinara dropped her eyes and swallowed hard. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry, alright? You think I don't feel bad about it? None of this would be happening if not for me!"

Nkwe glanced at her anxiously when he heard the misery in her voice. He reached over and touched her face, smoothed her mane, and she closed her eyes at his familiar touch. His right paw was bandaged, and she realized he must've gotten hurt protecting Yeneneshe.

"Not everything is your fault, child," Nkwe said soothingly. He drew his paw away and looked grimly at the fire. "Mogethis would have always taken Robin."

"And I would have always gone after them!" Zeinara said at once. When Nkwe looked at her in surprise, she bit her lip, as if she had said too much. Nkwe simply stared at her, and she realized he had no clue that she had loved Robin, that she cared about her. Tears started to her eyes, and she looked at the fire, ignoring them as they fell.

"Robin is Yfel's child, Zeinara," Nkwe explained gently. "Yfel was always going to claim her for some great purpose. You could never have stopped her."

Zeinara folded her arms and her lips tightened. "That doesn't mean I shouldn't have tried! What would you do if Yfel took Mogethis?"

Nkwe smiled sadly. "She already did."

They fell silent, and out of the corner of her eye, Zeinara could see Wilmer in the kitchen. He was hovering near Palesa, watching with hollow eyes as she slept. Near the hearth, Motsumi moaned on his couch and Azrian breathed softly on hers. Zeinara couldn't quite stomach how pretty Azrian was, how young she appeared. Azrian looked like a fresh girl, not a vixen in her forties. Meanwhile, Palesa and Nkwe were older than Azrian but looked younger than her. Motsumi was probably four hundred years old but looked like he was forty. And while Yeneneshe was still very young, she was still six years older than Zeinara and yet did not look it. At a glance, one might have thought Yeneneshe was sixteen. Kayya was the only fox in their company who actually looked close to her real age.

Zeinara stared at the blue fire and silently wondered if she was going to age as slowly. She was half-fox, but just how much fox was in her? She remembered when she was a little girl and how she wanted to be a fox so badly. She wanted Mogethis and Nkwe to accept her and forever carried the secret fear that they did not because of her pedigree. She also just wanted to belong to fox culture. Out in the forest with Mogethis and Nkwe, she had danced to the sound of fox drums, she had listened to stories of old fox tales, she had eaten their food, she had absorbed and enjoyed their culture but was never _really_allowed to be a part of it. And she realized it must have been the exact opposite for Ettoras, who grew up being viewed as a fox, to the point that he was treated like a dumb beast by Jule. Ettoras had reacted to dog culture much the way Zeinara had: he just wanted to go home. Zeinara spent her life at Wychowl missing the forest, aching for it. Going back to Wychowl, for her, was like returning to her cage.

"What are we going to do, Uncle Nkwe?" Zeinara said unhappily after some time. "You can't come home with me. Not after what Mogethis did." She scooted close and dropped her head on Nkwe's shoulder.

Nkwe smiled and put his arm around Zeinara. "We are not going to do anything. You are going to go home and become queen of Varimore."

"But what if I didn't?" Zeinara said at once. "What if you and me and Kayya, what if we just disappeared into the forest?"

"Zeinara," Nkwe scolded.

"I want to be with you."

Nkwe swallowed unhappily. "What about your father?"

Zeinara dropped her eyes. "Daddy would be fine without me. He's got Ettoras now. That's all he needs, right? A boy?"

"Don't be foolish," Nkwe said at once. "Ettoras can't become king of Varimore. His blood is cursed, Zeinara. Don't you even yet understand? Maret wanted a child of Antony to the rule the land, a child of fox blood who was immune to the blood curse. That child is you."

Zeinara stared at the fire. "My mother told you that, didn't she?"

"Yes," Nkwe said quietly. "She also made me promise to take you to your father. I kept telling her she could do so herself . . ." He trailed off unhappily, and Zeinara watched him with sympathy. Nkwe cleared his throat and blinked his sadness away. "Don't you think your father would be hurt if you ran away - again?"

"No," Zeinara said darkly.

"Don't say that. Your father was beside himself when you disappeared, Zeinara," Nkwe scolded somberly. "We all were, but your father shut himself up in his room for days."

Zeinara stared guiltily at her lap.

"He issued orders to Judith through a crack in the door," Nkwe went on. "Had the Honor Guard turning the castle and all of Thalsin upside-down to find you. The day I left with a search party, I went to see him. He refused to let me in, so I broke the door."

Zeinara shook her head in disbelief. "Don't you think that was a bit dramatic?"

"I only broke the handle," Nkwe said dismissively. "I went in there to find him half-drunk and in his underwear. I hadn't seen him drunk in years, so I knew he was very frightened for you. I made him sober up, and he promised to stop drinking after I'd gone, but I knew it was a lie. So I put something in his coffee that would render him immune to intoxication for several months --"

"Uncle Nkwe!"

"What?"

"Drugging my father is not the solution to everything!" Zeinara scolded. "One day you're going to foul up and give him something he's allergic to."

Nkwe snorted. "That's already happened."

Zeinara gasped indignantly.

"The point is," went on Nkwe, "your father fell apart when you disappeared. Etienne cares about you, Zeinara. I don't know what was said between you to make you think otherwise, but you're wrong. Your father needs you . . ." Nkwe glanced at Azrian, who was still sleeping soundly on the couch nearby. "He truly is the reincarnation of King Antony. For once, the dogs are right."

Zeinara glanced at Azrian as well. "And Azrian really is a reincarnation too," she realized.

Nkwe nodded grimly. "Yes."

"Uh oh," said Zeinara. "Why do you look so cranky about that?"

Nkwe stared into the fire. "After he killed Nadheertia, the original King Antony fell to drinking. Some say he felt guilty for defying the Creator and that he feared punishment. Others say he truly loved Nadheertia and had murdered her while under a demon's possession. Still others say he simply went mad. He married and produced children and went on with his life, but he wasted away without Nadheertia. Before his death, he built her a great monument in Krodor. She is buried beneath it to this day."

"Right. That's a lovely story and all, but what does it have to do with . . .?"

"Your father would waste away without you, Zeinara," Nkwe said. "It is in his spirit to do so. He is still very much King Antony."

Zeinara stared at her lap. "I want to be with Kayya." She shook her head. "Would Daddy even begin to understand that?"

"What about Prince Sterling?" Nkwe said calmly.

Zeinara made a face. "You can't be serious!"

"He will make a fine husband."

"I don't want a fine husband. If you like him so much, you marry him!"

Nkwe smiled. "We all have our path in life, child."

"Bother the path. You sound like Motsumi."

Nkwe made a face. "Gods help me, I do."

"Then let's run away together! So long as Daddy knew I was alright, we could --"

"Stop. You sound like your father. And have you been listening to a word I've said?"

Zeinara made an angry noise.

"Listen to me, girl," Nkwe said darkly, "you say you're sorry for all that's happened, but are you too shortsighted to see why it happened? You ran away. It's time to stop running. It's time to face who you are and deal with it. You are Zeinara, child of Death, princess of Varimore and soon to be queen. Who says Kayya couldn't live with you in Wychowl? Why must she simply vanish because you are queen?"

Zeinara shook her head against Nkwe's shoulder. "What Mogethis did riled everyone up against foxes. I heard the courtiers gossiping at Canderly."

"Only because they believe Mogethis had a part in your disappearance. They think she and I stole you away. Some even think we have murdered you. Once you return, it will calm many whispers of war."

Zeinara sighed. "Alright. But what about you? You keep talking as if you aren't coming with me."

"Don't worry about me, girl. I will find my path," Nkwe said. "As I always have." He glanced past Zeinara, into the kitchen. "Who is your friend?"

Zeinara's ears pricked forward. "You can see Wilmer?"

Nkwe looked at the fire and smiled. "I am a priest of Yfel, trained to see into the spirit world."

Zeinara snorted. "Didn't know that required training."

"I would be surprised if Motsumi couldn't see him as well."

"Can you help him?"

"Zeinara . . . he's dead. The only thing he can do now is go back to the Halfway Place and let himself be reborn. In the end, that is up to him entirely."

"He said he doesn't even know how to leave."

"When he's ready, he'll go."

"Well, try not to grope Palesa in front of him anymore, eh? They were together."

Nkwe's ear pricked forward. "Oh. I had no idea."

"And if you're with Pili - as I think you are," Zeinara said darkly, "could you try not to break her heart five minutes in? That's all I ask."

"Are you done?" Nkwe demanded irritably. "Or should I lecture you about Kayya?"

"I'm done," Zeinara said with a self-satisfied smile. She glanced furtively at Nkwe and looked at the fire again. "Are you serious about Pili, though? If she stays with you, then she can't go back to Wychowl."

"I don't think she wants to go back," Nkwe said quietly.

Oh, Zeinara thought. Kayya was right about Pili after all: she wanted to retire. Perhaps she had wanted it longer than anyone had suspected.

"Get back to bed, Zeinara," Nkwe said and reached into the fire. Zeinara saw him gather another blue flame in his paw and wriggle his fingers, watching as the flame danced over them. The light reflected in his blue eyes, splashing them the color of the ocean. "You need your rest."

Zeinara kissed Nkwe's cheek and saw his lips curl slightly in a smile. "Goodnight, Uncle Nkwe," she said and got to her feet. As she was walking away, she heard Nkwe whisper, "Good night . . . light of my life."